Your dad's influence on you.

[Windswept]

In what ways has the influence of your father affected you?

My dad was of 100% Finnish heritage, and was therefore a fairly uncommunicative person. When he was at home as I grew up, he mostly spent his time reading newpapers and books.

I think he thought kids were kind of a nuisance, and so he just let my mom deal with any stuff regarding me or my brother.

I don't fault him for this in any way, because I have thought about the reasons why he was like that. He was raised isolated on a farm and was alone a lot of the time there, with no friends around. So he read voraciously in his spare time, and worked (physically) extremely hard the rest of the time. He was that way as a youth, and stayed that way as an adult.

He was a highly intelligent, responsible person; and I am grateful for the good life and good education he enabled me to have. By his being so uncommunicative, I didn't realize for many years just how sensitive he really was.

He could also be verbally critical, and I felt the sting of his criticism about small things over the years.

But when it came time for me to decide about whether to accept a challenge or face an adventure, my dad was *totally* supportive of me. He believed I could meet any challenge and love any adventure. His influence was there at each important juncture in my life; and whereas my mom was a MUCH more cautious person wrt what her daughter should risk doing, my dad pretty much always said, "Go for it!" (yes! Take a freighter to Brazil and travel on your own for three months.) He believed in me, he trusted me, he respected me - though the only way I ever really 'knew' about those feelings was when he encouraged me to 'run to meet life'... to make energetic, aggressive choices, and to take an active part in the world.

How did he affect me? He encouraged me to be brave, adventurous, and risk-taking. He traveled the world, and I followed in his footsteps. He gave me genes that brought forth an absolute *love* of learning, an intense curiosity about everything, a love of mechanical stuff and a natural sense about how things work. I think all fields of knowledge and endeavor are interesting; for that, and for so many other things, I thank my father.

[Moogs]

Interesting thread. I've heard that Finns -- aside from playing outstanding defense in hockey :D -- are emotionally reserved and very reluctant to show affection except during very private moments. I don't know if Swedes and Norwegians are the same way (i.e. if it's a Scandanavian thing), but I've heard it is particularly true of Finns. Must be a cultural thing.

Did your Dad actually grow up in Finland or just his parents maybe? Interesting that he would carry on that trait even living in the states (I presume).

As for my Dad, it's difficult to fully describe the affect he had on my siblings and I without going into details I would not share on an internet board, but generally I would say it's a positive effect. Taught us all to be straight talkers (he was never one for mincing words or sugar-coating things, though he's more diplomatic than I am). But he also taught us all how break the ice in social situations with an off-the-wall joke or some such.

He's a strange character, really. Very stern and focused when it comes to work or serious stuff, but then turns around to be a bit of clown (or devil if you ask my Mom) at social gatherings and such. And speaking of which, I'm about to head out to treat him, my mother and fiancee for lunch, so off I go...

...hope you all have a chance to spend some fun time with your Dads (or father-figures) today.

Cheers,
Moogs

[DMBand0026]

My whole family is of Norwegian decent, so I think the emotional thing is strictly Finnish, unless my family is different.

Back OT...I owe a lot to my dad. I get my musical talents from him. He handed me a guitar years ago and told me that he wanted me to play it. So with a little help from him and a lot of teaching myself, I learned to play. So now we sing in a church band together, it really means a lot to me.

And he also, just a few weeks ago, handed me a bass guitar and told me I was playing it in church that night..needless to say, I wasn't exactly up to the task. But he's always been really encouraging and helpful, so I got through it.

I owe my dad so much more...but way too much to type it all out here. Which reminds me, I should probably go spend some time with him now.

[SKMDC]

my father died about 6 years ago, right before my first son was born.

i think the reserved thing is generational, my father in his last years finally "loosened up" and became a warmer person.

he was in WWII but the only thing he ever told me about were the hazing rituals when you crossed the equator and the international dateline.

he was honest to a fault, and as his father died when he was a teenager, he took over the family business, which i kind of have the feeling he never wanted. when he was in his late 50's he sold the business (a grocery wholesaler) and made sure all his managers got jobs with the new company and got moved.

he taught me golf, properly. i caddied for him every saturday for three years before i was ever allowed to play, i could never play well in front of him because he made me nervous.

he never pointed out faults, but always would ask if i was sure of what i was doing, even if he new failure was ahead.

i have his sense of humor, i'm perfectly happy being the only one in on a joke.

i think i made him proud, i know i did when i played sports. and although i did disappoint him by not going to college, i was fairly successful at my profession and i heard him telling people how "important" i was so i think he got over it, and my second marriage made him happy as he was my best man.

he never told me (or my mom) who he voted for and he never told anyone how much money he made. those things were unseemly.

he was the most honest person i know, i'm pretty honest too.

i wish i could say i miss him, and i do in the physical sense, but man he's just everywhere to me.

[Fellowship]

My dad was my best friend, a great father, a loving person and an inspiration to me. He always put other people ahead of himself.

I love my dad...

Fellowship

[Wickers]

This is father's day, so I will not write anything negative about my dad.

That said.

His heart is in the right place, and I'll always love him.

[Windswept]

This last two weeks, it has just begun sinking in to me that my dad is gone forever. He was there for me for so long that I just haven't been able to believe it's true.

His being gone is a thing of such immensity to me, that I have only allowed myself to think about it a little at a time. To do any more, would leave me unable to bear it.

The one thing I can say to any who read this, is that if you love someone, tell them so - often - in writing, if not in words. Let them know 'why' you love them. If there are things you admire about that person, let them know. Don't keep it to yourself. What good are such secrets in the silence of eternity?

My dad could have had so much more joy in his life if he had been able to communicate more freely. I do know that people are as they are, and I have accepted that. But I can't help wishing things could have been different.