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intlplby
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
 
2006-04-07, 22:12

Happy as a dead pig in sunshine.
Hard as Chinese arithmetic.
Ran like Moody's Goose.
Dumb as a can of dirt.
Mixed up as a frog in a blender.
Lazy as a cut dog.
Tighter than Dick's hatband
Happy as a dog with two dicks.
The best part of him dripped down his mama's leg.
Ran like a rat with its ass on fire.
I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and then sell him for what he THINKS he's worth. I could retire tomorrow.
He's too lazy to wipe his own ass. He just waits for it to dry up and flake off by itself.
Fish, or cut bait.
If wishes were horses, beggars could ride.
Shit, or get off the pot.
Hornier 'n a two-peckered billy goat
Fine as frog hair split four ways.
beat you like a rented mule
beat like a red-headed step-child
heavier than a dead preacher
happy as a tick on an artery
He doesn't know whether to wind his butt or scratch his watch
He's about as useful as tits on a bull.
Killed him deader than fried chicken
Sweatin' like a whore in church"
Ain't been this happy since the hogs ate my little sister
Dumb as a bag of hammers
That boy's about as sharp as a sack of wet mice
Took off like a scalded dog
He could talk the horns off a billy goat.
She looked like death chewing on a cracker
Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first
Harder than a wedding dick
Scattered like a madwoman's shit.
So nervous, you couldn't pound a nail up his ass with a sledgehammer.
So scared, my ass pulled ten pounds of cotton outen the seat of my pickup truck
Ugly as Death backing out of a shithouse readin' Mad magazine
Dang....she's eat up with ugly
Happy as a sissy on a troop train
ugly as a bar of homemade soap
he couldn't pour the piss out of a boot, it the instructions were on the heel
Colder than a frog's ass
slick as snot
"Dumber than a box of dirt" (also: bag of doorknobs, box of nails, just plain "dumber than dirt")
Crazy as a shithouse rat
I've known him since he was knee-high to a grasshopper.
Sharp as a bag o' wet leather
Sharp as a bowling ball
older'n God's parents

colder than a welldigger's ass

madder than a wet hen

mean as a cornered dog (sometimes cat)

built like a brick shithouse

Purdy as 2 pups fightin in a blanket (usually reserved for a woman walking away)

hard as day old biscuits
Couldn't pull a greasy string out of a cat's ass
runs like a striped ass ape
She's got a face that would make a freight train take a dirt road.
She's flatter than piss on a board.
If I tell you to shit, you'd better squat and ask what color
The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it!
Sweating like a gay man eating a corndog
Worthless as tits on a boar hog
Gay as a two dollar bill.
Slicker than greased owl shit.
Looks like a horse's ass sewed up with a bicycle chain
So cold I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets
And when you want to answer emphatically yes!, "Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?"
Fucked up as a can of worms.
Educated beyond your intellect.
The sun don't shine up the same dog's ass every day
He's not the sharpest tool in the shed
Quicker than a turpentined cat.
Deeper'n a well diggers ass
Meaner than a sunburned rattlesnake
sorrier than a broke-dick dog
He thinks he's hot snot on silver platter, but he ain't nothing but a cold booger on a paper plate
like poking warm butter up a wildcat's ass
Slower than molasses in the winter
Mad as a hornet
Madder than a wet hen
Older than dirt
Fits like socks on a rooster.
Drier than a popcorn fart
Beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick
There's nothing more self-righteous than a reformed whore.
gay as a baseball bat
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