[doublem9876]

The word Breakup!

So yesterday, my irreplaceable drummer sends me text message saying, "Sorry to do this, but I can't do it any other way. I'm out of Tromboner (my band)." It's a good thing I was totally stoned when I got this message – otherwise, I have no idea how badly I would have reacted. My band's been around for three years now, and I've been leading it strongly since the day it came into existence. There's still a lot that I would like to have done with the band that is now made impossible. Without this drummer, I can't see this band being able to continue. One of the worst parts is that we never recorded an album, which would have been great to send to colleges (I do lots of horn arrangements for my band, which are slightly better than what you hear coming out of your average high school rock band). Also, now, nobody will have anything to remember us by, which is a bummer, because we were really popular.

Anyway, I'm likening this to a breakup with a girlfriend because I see many of the same issues arising. Earlier this year, a girlfriend broke up with me, and as most people are, I was very upset. I felt that our relationship had ended too early. There were still sooo many things I had wanted to do with her (no I'm not talking about different sex positions or anything). Unfortunately, considering that we live 2 hours away from each other, there's no way she's going to frequently make the trip from Connecticut to New Jersey without being "involved" with me.

Long story short – I miss the perks of being in a band and a relationship.

Breakup.

Comments?

[thegelding]

the breakup sex?

g

[herodian]

are you www.trombonerrocks.com?

either way... move on.... get a better drummer / girlfriend.

[pscates2.0]

There are other drummers in the sea. Go find one! What's so special/perfect about this guy? Whatever traits that make it so, I've learned they're often exhibited in others as well. It isn't like there's only "one drummer out there" for your band, is there?

Start working on a replacement right away, and continue to do the things you talked about. You don't just throw up your hands and give up. That's called "being a weinee, and letting one person have way too much control over your world".



In other words, do the same thing over this guy that you would over a breakup with a woman. Yeah, be bummed for a bit, maybe (if he means that much to you), but then you move on and find someone else if you want/need to. Tons of drummers (and women) out there.

Drummers, in my two decades of music, are usually a dime-a-dozen (and often the weak point of most bands, and completely replaceable). I don't mean that as an outright slam, so no offense to any resident drummers here at 'Nova. But unless this particular drummer was doing all the lead vocals, writing, arranging, owned all the gear, pulled all the leg, had a distillery in his basement, managed the band, controlled all the bookings and owned a recording studio...big deal.



Nobody's "irreplaceable". Get that into your noggin, first and foremost. The minute someone is led to think or believe they are (girlfriend, boyfriend, drummer, lawn care guy, etc.), then they oten start to act accordingly. That's been my experience in 38 years on the planet (and 25 playing music with others).

It's entirely possible you're giving this guy too much credit...he's just a drummer, after all.



Yeah, good drummers are very tough to find. But goodness knows they're out there. Start looking! Colleges and music programs, if you're looking for a technically proficient, schooled drummer, are great places to start. I'm assuming, since you're doing music involving horn charts/arrangements, you're not wanting just some juvenile "monkey basher", so you be smart about where you do your searching. You might find one in the most unlikely place (a college percussion program or something, in someone who has all these chops and is technically solid, but, on the side, plays a kit and likes to rock...those always make great drummers, the "dual-personality" types, I've learned...they're schooled and technical and they rock/groove).

Good luck!

[SKMDC]

Maybe he's your Pete Best.

It's just another door of opportunity man, don't be afraid of it.

Lindsay Buchingham used a Kleenex box and some sticks on his stuff on the TUSK album, he didn't need no stinkin' drummer. even though he had one of the best.

[chucker]

Rename the band to Trom's Boner, and you'll instantly have country-wide success, guaranteed.

[pscates2.0]

Originally Posted by SKMDC Maybe he's your Pete Best. It's just another door of opportunity man, don't be afraid of it. Lindsay Buchingham used a Kleenex box and some sticks on his stuff on the TUSK album, he didn't need no stinkin' drummer. even though he had one of the best.

Hahaha...I was just thinking about that, about making a Pete Best comment; the world's most famous sacked/former drummer. Most bands have one (or several).



And Buckingham is a genius, so it's no surprise he did whatever he needed. Mick was probably out getting high or something, so he did what he needed to do.

[Fahrenheit]

If you are the tromboner on myspace with the ska feel to it, I really love it! You should have no problem getting another drummer.

[doublem9876]

Yeah, that's me. Thanks for the support, guys

What I'm thinking now, actually, is about starting another group. The other problem with Tromboner, at this point, was that nobody - aside from myself and one of our trumpeters - really gave a shit anymore. Since I was the one who had to conduct all of the practices and do all the work, everyone else just ended up slacking off and being disagreeable. We had a good run, but I have some people in mind who would be a lot more excited to work with me than a group of disagreeable self-centered people who don't know what a great opportunity they had. Music education doesn't mean enough to kids these days, and nobody seemed to care that they were working with someone who got a 5 out of 5 on his music theory AP test.

Okay, so that was a bit of shameless self-centered promotion right there, and I'm sorry. I know that there are people out there, though, who would be a lot more fun to work with, and a lot more committed.

And I have to keep my good trumpeter, because he was the other one who cared, and he'll probably score a 5 on his AP test this year as well.

BUT - if any of you live in New York, we do have ONE FINAL SHOW at the Lion's Den on December 15th around 6:30. It'll be a short set, since we're splitting it with my friend's band - PLAY (myspace.com/musicatplay) - but I did horn arrangements for his tunes, too. It would be cool to meet some o' y'all if you're interested in music and that kinda stuff.

I'm just a junior in high school, so I promise that wasn't intended as a creepy "I want to meet you over the internet" ploy.

[SteveC]

It has a Lou Reed feel to it, with a dose of Modern Lovers.

You'll be fine.

Find a new drummer.

You didn't break-up; you were given an opportunity to grow. What happens is only what you believe to have happened.

[709]

What do Band Breakups and Girlfriend Breakups Have in Common?

Relief.


Seriously. An irreplaceable drummer? Surely you jest. Drummers are the flighty whores of the band universe, and everyone who's been in a band knows this to be fact. Unless he was jazz trained I call bullshit...because , you know, a jazz trained drummer can be close to god.

As far as the chick thing goes.... I laugh.

[doublem9876]

Well, our drummer agreed to play the show on the 15th, which is good. He also agreed to play on an album if we were to record it later this year.
Sorry for bad grammar right now. I'm a little tips.

[Souflay123]

reminds me of a shirt i saw online that said, "save a drum, bang a drummer"

but yeah, sorry about your losses in all seriousness

[bassplayinMacFiend]

I totally know how you feel dude. The week after our 10/26 gig, the percussionist decided he didn't want to be in the band anymore. Of course we practice at the percussionist's house so this totally sucks. The band leader has the perfect space for band practice but his wife wants nothing musical happening at his place (don't even want to go into how this 6 month marriage is in the death spiral) and the drummer & I just don't have a place for practice.

This totally sucked because we killed on the 26th and the place we played is willing to have us back anytime.