Robo
2011-03-23, 17:38
Because the other McSweeney's Internet Tendency-inspired thread ("Open Letters to Persons or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond") has proven popular, here's a thread based on another McSweeney's column, Lists. (http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/) Basically, you post...lists. Creative ones! Most aim to be funny.
Things That Made Me Gay.
being too close to my mom growing up, and thus wanting to be just like her
being emotionally distant to my mom growing up, and thus wanting nothing to do with women
being too close to my dad growing up, and thus falling in love with stong male role models
being emotionally distant from my dad growing up, and thus not having a strong male role model
hating women, and fearing them
liking women, and wanting to be like them
hating Jesus and wanting to be gay just to spite Him
loving Jesus..."that way"
loving myself too much, and thus narcissistically only being attracted to people who are like me
hating myself too much, and thus wanting to engage in a self-destructive deathstyle
soy products
Ancient Scottish Textile Patterns That Would Also Be a Badass Name For a Metal Band.
Houndstooth
My Greatest Fears.
careless motorists
total economic collapse
spiders, centipedes, et cetera
the possibility that I could have cancer in my body right now and not even know it
irreversible climate change
dying alone and unloved
walking into a stall in a restroom and closing the stall door behind me only to realize that the stall is disgustingly messy, while a stranger walks into the restroom while I am in said stall not wanting to use it, only for him to patiently wait to use my stall, which I can't leave because then he would think I made the disgusting mess
Palin '12
Things That Made Me Gay.
being too close to my mom growing up, and thus wanting to be just like her
being emotionally distant to my mom growing up, and thus wanting nothing to do with women
being too close to my dad growing up, and thus falling in love with stong male role models
being emotionally distant from my dad growing up, and thus not having a strong male role model
hating women, and fearing them
liking women, and wanting to be like them
hating Jesus and wanting to be gay just to spite Him
loving Jesus..."that way"
loving myself too much, and thus narcissistically only being attracted to people who are like me
hating myself too much, and thus wanting to engage in a self-destructive deathstyle
soy products
Ancient Scottish Textile Patterns That Would Also Be a Badass Name For a Metal Band.
Houndstooth
My Greatest Fears.
careless motorists
total economic collapse
spiders, centipedes, et cetera
the possibility that I could have cancer in my body right now and not even know it
irreversible climate change
dying alone and unloved
walking into a stall in a restroom and closing the stall door behind me only to realize that the stall is disgustingly messy, while a stranger walks into the restroom while I am in said stall not wanting to use it, only for him to patiently wait to use my stall, which I can't leave because then he would think I made the disgusting mess
Palin '12