We have a Canon LiDE er... 70? Anyway, great little flatbed USB scanner that my wife has used a *lot*. Takes incredible scans of photos and documents.
We just bought a Fujitsu ScanSnap however, for bulk-scanning old statements, bills, etc. 50 sheet feeder, 15 double-sided scans a minute. Fabulous.
My other brain is hung like a horse too.
#IRC isn't old school.
Old school is being able to say 'finger me' with a straight face.