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Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2008-10-21, 13:31

First I'm sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. Sounds like there might've been some hard times there but he was still your Dad and I'm sure it doesn't make it any easier to deal with things. Maybe harder in some ways as your dilemma illustrates.

Second I would say you're sort of looking at two different questions here. One is whether the poem fits the life and passing of your father... whether it has some ring of truth to it without being disrespectful, etc. In my opinion, knowing very little about you or your Dad I would say the poem is not bad one for the situation. It's thoughtful of making the most of life, it's not disrespectful, and being sad it fits the occasion.

The other question though is if it will really bother your family. Sometimes you have to put aside something that "fits" in favor of something that will keep the peace and allow people to grieve without being angry that something is being read that they feel doesn't fit. Know what I mean? IOW, I think you've found something that is probably fitting of your Dad's situation but which might cause people in your family to be more distanced instead of coming together... which, in my experience is the single best thing that can happen leading up to and after a funeral. Take it FWIW.

I don't know your family so my advice may all be "accurate" but not fit because of the dynamics there. Only you know that... so I guess the bottom line is, ask yourself what means more to you (and there's no right answer necessarily): eulogizing your Dad in a way that helps you make sense of things, or just doing what you can to help your family be at peace with it. Some might say people have to find their own peace, so you should read it if it means something to you... others might say it's just a reading so better to be deferential about the whole thing.

How's that for a precise yet wishy washy answer? Anyway, hope it helps. Sadly I can't think of a poem off the top of my head that fits a tough situation like that....

...into the light of a dark black night.
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