[Windswept]

Originally Posted by Dorian Gray I tend to take the long view about these things. If it didn't work out in this case, better now than in five years when a messy and even more traumatic divorce might have been on the cards. Best to move on, recover your energies for a while, then try again with someone new. Think of all the good things you shared with her, what she taught you that you might never otherwise have learned. Keep the photos to aid that memory. Allow it to be beautiful and bittersweet, and you'll naturally move on in the right frame of mind.

Great post, Dorian.

Originally Posted by BuonRotto Oh, and four years in a relationship isn't wasted. It's wasted if all you wanted out of it was a ring and lots of pomp and ceremony. If you enjoyed one another most of that time, if you both grew and the relationship taught you anything, it's not wasted. All of this living serves a purpose that isn't to arrive at point X, but to continue exploring paths and gain the wisdom to pass along a little of it and maybe affect the path others are traveling for the better. It never stops, not in a relationship, not out of one, not with one person and not another.

More great advice. Wow!

Originally Posted by Yontsey The best advice I can offer you is find something you enjoy doing and invest yourself into it. Whether it be music, working out, running, sports, basically anything.

Very well, said, Yontsey.

I love reading the wise words here, and I agree completely with those who have said that we should be aware of all the good things that we derived from a relationship, how much we learned, and how our lives were broadened.

I guess I have the wonderful good fortune to be able to say that I still love all the guys with whom I've had relationships over the years, and they still love me. It makes me very happy to be able to say that. Once I love someone's heart and soul, and know them intimately, I will love them forever, whether we part or not, even if I never see them again.

In every case, our breakups were amicable. Honestly, looking back on things, I'm not exactly sure why such amicability was always the way things ended, but I guess it has something to do with the fact that I've only been in relationships with guys I greatly respected, admired, and loved, and for whom I wished good things in life. How could I ever have bad feelings about such person? Plus, our breakups were always a mutual decision. I suppose that was the main factor in allowing for amicability.

MBH, I hope that you can gather about you thoughts of all the good feelings and good experiences that you enjoyed in your relationship, and be glad that you were fortunate enough to have such an intimate bond in college. I think she will always be your friend, and the relationship has only added to your life, 'not' taken away from it - that is, *if* you choose to view it in that light.

The way you choose to look at the situation is the whole key to the matter. I hope you will regard it as a wonderfully positive and beneficial experience, and know that the relationship, and its ending, are a part of life. What's good is that the ending seemed gradual, mutual, and amicable. Really, that's the perfect way to end, if an end has to happen.

It's only natural that you will feel sad for a while, but as others have said, get out and explore your new city, try new things, be in public places where 'people' are, and maybe even learn to strike up casual conversations with strangers... not in a weird way, but just easy exchanges with people you come in contact with, like the checker at the supermarket, and so forth.

When you are open to the world, I think eventually you'll meet all kinds of great people, plenty of whom will be girls. My advice would be to date *lots* of different women, and not to get tied down into another relationship for a few years.

In other words, have fun and try not to take things too seriously. Try joining a few groups with interests that you share, and keep broadening your participation in the stream of life. And, btw, maybe you should... get a cat.