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Formerly Roboman, still
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
2010-03-03, 16:35

Dear person who asked to borrow my phone on the bus,

The battery really was dying. I just want you to know that. I know you thought I was lying, about that, but I wasn't. I mean, I would have lied. I would have said the battery was dying, even if it wasn't, because I'm not just going to hand a $600 phone to random people on the bus, sorry. I realize you couldn't have run off with it per se, because we were on a moving bus, but you could have, idunno, dropped it or something. So no, you couldn't have used my phone, even if the battery wasn't dying. But that's the beauty of it: the battery was dying. So I didn't have to lie. But I blew it. I was too quick, too eager, to tell you the battery was dying. You didn't buy it, because it sounded like a lie even though it wasn't. But I want you to know that I was actually telling the truth, even though I would have had absolutely no qualms about lying to you if that hadn't been the case.

P.S. We passed like six payphones on that route.

Honestly yours,



Dear Taco Bell person who comped me lunch on the sly:

Thanks. You rule. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.


My condolences,



Dear people who post non-paying graphic design gigs on Craigslist,

No one is going to design your band poster for free. But if you talk to the right person you might get potato tacos for free. Consider that some free advice for life.

All the best,


(Inspired by these.)

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong