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LoCash
Rest In Peace
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2005-03-25, 00:31

In World of Warcraft there is a quest located in Un'Goro Crater where you have to rescue a mechanical ape for a Gnome, named A-ME 01. The quest is named, "Chasing A-ME", an obvious reference to the film, but I noticed that the ape's name was that of the talking one in the horrific film Congo.

So my friend Taft and I were doing the quest and talking about it. He scarcely remembers the film, and it's probably better that way. It was definitely better considering what happened this evening. As we were talking on iChat, the following dialogue occurred...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taft & LoCash

Taft: dude. congo. were the apes robots?
Taft: I actually need to know this for homework
LoCash: no, the apes were not robots. why?
Taft: my astronomy class is ridiculous
Taft: I have to do this shit to graduate
Taft: one sec let me paste the Q
Taft: 5. Pick a movie that you have seen that had alien or artificial life in it. With what you now know, analyze the life presented in the movie and determine if it is plausible or not (for the alien life) or if it is really life or not (for the artificial life). For an example, look at p. 72 in the book, where they analyze the Andromeda Strain. If you decide to do the Andromeda Strain for your movie, you can not use the answer that was given in the book.
Taft: i mean, come on. I wanted to do Congo. Because I thought they were robotic apes
LoCash: Why would you possibly think that?
Taft: fuck you
LoCash: Really, the movie was gay... but robot apes?
Taft: stfu
LoCash: Let me ask you some questions briefly
LoCash: 1) How do you figure robot apes got into the congo and sustained themselves?
Taft: diamonds
LoCash: 2) Who the fuck would make a robot ape?
Taft: aliens
LoCash: Ok, you know that movie was about them going to get diamonds, not robot apes...
LoCash: Not even Amie was a robot, she just wore a glove that would translate her sign language into English words
Taft: dude, I'm sort of scared at your memory of this movie
LoCash: I'm sort of scared of your memory of it too.
Taft: i like it better with robot apes
LoCash: Well, hang on, I just looked it up on the DVD. I guess you ARE kind of right...
Taft: ?
LoCash: They were part robot
Taft: omg they were PART robot?
LoCash: yeah
Taft: wtf. Did they engineer themselves that way?
LoCash: No, supposedly aliens did.
Taft: ohhh, really?
Taft: or are you making this up?
LoCash: Dude, I have the DVD right here
LoCash: if I had a scanner I'd scan it in
Taft: oh man, this is good then
This was funny, I didn't think he'd actually buy it. He then had to ask some questions about the film, since he clearly didn't remember it, nor did he have the DVD! This is long, but it's worth it. It's also important to note that it wasn't until after it sunk in that he was going to write about robot apes in the film Congo for a homework assignment that I decided to change the story and try to get him to actually do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taft & LoCash

Taft: I need to know a few thigns
Taft: first
Taft: was it that the aliens engineered the apes, and then left them alone?
Taft: and they reproduced themselves?
LoCash: The aliens were there for the diamonds
LoCash: and they engineered the apes to help them
LoCash: But something went wrong
LoCash: that's why the local tribes are so scared of them
LoCash: Because they are alien
LoCash: I don't know that they reproduced, I don't think they were there long enough
LoCash: But the movie never had any baby apes
Taft: hmmm
Taft: let's assume that it was a while ago
Taft: and that the apes did reproduce
Taft: can we assume that?
LoCash: hmm. ok.
LoCash: You want to know if they COULD reproduce? Hypothetically?
Taft: yes
LoCash: Yes. It was indicated that the implants genetically modified the apes
LoCash: But I don't think the implants would have been on the offspring
LoCash: but the offspring probably would have had the same strength and intelligence
LoCash: the strength boost was a big thing
Taft: ok
Taft: did they grow and develop?
Taft: or were they static?
Taft: ie did they have life stages?
LoCash: I assume they aged.
Taft: was there one who was older and/or wiser or bigger?
LoCash: Well, the movie didn't cover their entire lifespan
Taft: well ok
LoCash: But hypothetically
Taft: but were there any that were different from the others?
LoCash: There was an alpha
LoCash: but there always is
Taft: yes well okay
Taft: that works
LoCash: he was bigger and stronger
Taft: hell that's natural selection in progress
LoCash: Yeah, I guess so.
LoCash: how many other questions you have to answer?
LoCash: what are the others?
Taft: did they have laser guns?
Taft: I have to analyse it on six characteristics
Taft: Order, reproduction, growth/development, energy utilization, response to environment, and evolutionary adaptation
Taft: if I can say "yes" to all six, it's alive
LoCash: yes, they did
LoCash: those were the implants
LoCash: originally designed to help mine the diamonds
Taft: ok
Taft: were the diamonds a source of energy?
Taft: did that power the apes?
LoCash: No, they did power the laser though
Taft: or were they powered by fury?
Taft: did the apes eat?
LoCash: Well, they did eat one of the people
LoCash: Well, I don't know if they feasted on him
LoCash: but they did kill him
Taft: but they ate him?
LoCash: Well, they ate off his leg and arms
Taft: for sure?
LoCash: gnawed on it
LoCash: yeah
Taft: k cool
Taft: that's eating
Taft: energy utlizaton
LoCash: cool
Taft: who was it they ate?
LoCash: one of the members of the archaeology team
LoCash: I don't remember which guy
Taft: k
LoCash: Some of them were killed by the lasers too
LoCash: Amie never died though
LoCash: she helped her handler get out alive
Taft: I need evolution and growth/development
Taft: I can mention the alpha as natural selection
LoCash: hmm
LoCash: ask a question
Taft: one left
Taft: growth and development
Taft: Did they exhibit that at all? How can I say it?
LoCash: Well
LoCash: They clearly grew stronger to overtake the beings that engineered them
LoCash: use that
Taft: were there no baby apes or old apes?
Taft: or had they modified themselves in any way?
LoCash: There were old ones
LoCash: the alpha was clearly older
This was the end of his questioning. He was ready to present to me his final answer. Before we read that, let's take a look at the plot summary of this film...

Quote:
Greed is bad, this simple morality tale cautions. A megalomaniacal C.E.O. sends his son into the dangerous African Congo on a quest for a source of diamonds large enough and pure enough to function as powerful laser communications transmitters (or is it laser weapons?). When contact is lost with his son and the team, his sometime daughter- in-law is sent after them. She is a former CIA operative and, accompanied by gee-whiz gadgetry and a few eccentric characters (including a mercenary, a researcher with a talking gorilla, and a a nutty Indiana-Jones-type looking for King Solomon's Mines), sets out to rescue her former fiance. What they all discover is that often what we most want turns out to be the source of our downfall.
Now let's take a look at how Taft answered his homework question...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taft & LoCash

Taft: 5. Perhaps against our wills, many of us have seen the movie Congo. In this film, a genetically and robotically modified species of ferocious man-killing ape beasts defends a diamond mine in Africa from a band of explorers and a talking gorilla named Amie. The partially robotic apes were certainly ordered, having both genetic code and computer parts in their makeup. They could likely reproduce, as they were engineered for strength and intelligence but not sterilized as far as the movie tells us.
Taft: The apes certainly responded to their environments, especially insofar as they needed to in order to viciously slay human beings with their laser guns. They utilized energy: at one point, the apes ate the limbs of one of the humans in the film. The apes had not been present long enough to undergo much natural selection and thus evolutionary adaptation, but the presence of an alpha male shows that they were differentiated according to differing traits which made certain apes more likely to reproduce than others.
Taft: This would have produced, over time, evolutionary adaptation. Finally, some of the apes were more mature than others, which shows that they exhibited growth and development. Exhibiting thus all six characteristics of life, the apes in Congo were alive.
Taft: I'm not too sure about the film's writers, however.
Taft: get all that?
LoCash: I'm pretty sure nobody has ever written an analysis of the film that well.
Taft: and for good fucking reason
He's turning it in tomorrow, he'll have it back on Monday. He may be more pissed off than when I mailed his PowerBook back to him with Elf porn as his startup/login screen. I also changed his login password and made the hint a riddle, but of course the password wasn't the answer to the riddle. He booted it up in front of co-workers when the Elf Porn boot/login screens came up. Then he spent two hours solving the riddle, only to call me and find out that wasn't the password anyway. Yeah, I can't wait until Monday

It is with great regret that we say our farewells to Jack, who passed away on May 28th, 2005. Jack, you will be missed by all

Superior thinking has always overwhelmed superior force. - Marine Corps Officers

"You don't lead by hitting people over the head-that's assault, not leadership." - General Eisenhower
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