[kscherer]

Episode 4 started this all off with a bang. It immediately found its stride with a host of fans who went back over and over again, and then built a legacy around character dolls and plastic models.

Episode 5 demonstrated to us that George Lucas was a serious story guy, that he hired good writers to get his thoughts out there, and brilliant directors who knew what the hell they were doing. The best sequel in movie history was built and all of us were Star Wars fans for life.

Episode 6 followed up with yet another brilliantly conceived story, but muddied that up with a bit too much cuteness. Still, across three movies Star Wars built upon successful characters with yet more incredible directing and music production. These characters were now part of something larger than life itself, and they carried their weight to conclusion in a nearly flawless manner.

Episode 1 was Lucas living in a fantasy world where his brain had put way too much thought into his creation. He seemed more concerned with selling toys than selling stories. It was rushed and overly flashy, the lines were poorly conceived, Jar Jar was … Jar Jar, and the whole thing felt like mush, with midiclorians tossed in for good measure. Suddenly the Force wasn’t the Force, it was the Farce.

Episode 2 was a story about an out of control padawan with too much horny. The lines were stupid, the CGI was idiotic, the flying droid was flying, and the eyes were rolling. But, hey, at least the battle droids were all smart asses. The great Jedi were all too human, and their enemies were a bunch of clowns that somehow always seemed to get the upper hand. Blech!

Episode 3 Brought the art of character chemistry to a grinding halt. Never before had a romance between two people been less believable, and never before had the reason for slaughtering children been more blatantly unrealistic and stupid. Fortunately, Frankenstein saved the day. However, the one saving grace was that the battle between “Darth Vader” and Obi Wan was excellent. Wish they could have had that passion through all three of the prequel movies. Save Padmé! The transformation of Darth Vader from bad-ass villain to whiny-ass bitch is complete!

Episode 7 was the rebirth of Episode 4, but better, and not in the “better story” kind of way. Nothing in Star Wars is better than Episode 4, but Episode 7 was just as exciting for me. The old characters (save Luke) were all there, and the new kids seemed to fit right in (excepting a little too much goofiness from Fin). I honestly thought that Episode 7 was going to completely reignite the entire saga. It was awesome.

Rogue One was the best Star Wars movie made to date. The characters are believable, fun, and focused. The effects are amazing, the story is well conceived, the music is Star Wars. This rag-tag team has a mission and they got it done, with the most unlikely, improbable, yet totally perfect segue in movie history. And, not only does everyone die, but Vader is back, and boy is he back!

Episode 8 is garbage. Absolute garbage. From the politics, the dig at rich people, the slaves and animal abuse, the side-tracked BS adventure to nowhere, the purple-haired wench, the insubordination, the “gravity” bombs in outer space, the absolute destruction of the rebellion. And don’t even get me started on the dedicated, hero Jedi that was Luke Skywalker who became some jaded old scab who attempted to murder his student. Good grief, what a pile of crap!

Solo was good entertainment, if perhaps not the finest Star Wars moment. Still, it was fun, although they flat out ruined my idea of the Kessel Run thing, which turned out to be a pile of turds. Other than that, it was a good movie.

Episode 9? Well, the whole idea of Palpatine returning is both fun and lazy in the same stroke. The visuals look good, but I am concerned about the direction Disney went with Episode 8, and I am concerned about the recovery, or lack thereof.