Dear new guy in lab,
You're alright, but have some really annoying habits. First, I'm baffled how you can sit there for hours on end, day after day, gnawing on cuticles and hangnails. It's pretty gross. Do you not run out of skin to chew on? Second, at least twice today I've caught you picking your nose, rolling around the booger, and then putting it in your mouth. That's also fucking gross. You're Swiss, right? I thought you fuckers were (semi) civilized. Third, whatever it is going on with your computer, I doubt your angry little repeated hitting of keyboard keys, or muttering curses under your breath, helps anything. Sorry if I can't repress little chuckles, but shit like getting mad at inanimate objects humors me to no end.
love,
irascible guy who should probably just mind his own business
Seen a man standin' over a dead dog lyin' by the highway in a ditch
He's lookin' down kinda puzzled pokin' that dog with a stick
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