First off, why the high number all of a sudden? Hell, even the Travel Channel - which is
supposed to be nothing but
Samantha Brown in bathing suits, short dresses or taking mud baths - has one (a trio of 110% douche-approved frat boys going around "filming" ghostly phenomenon...but being the kind of guys they are, 75% of the show is bleeped because all three can't go six seconds without saying "fuck" or some variation thereof).
And the Discovery Channel - the
Discovery Channel - has one (maybe two). As does A&E.
There is no dedicated Drama 4 Morons network, but why do these idiotic, nothing-ever-happens-or-gets-shown shows wind up on otherwise legitimate, quality networks?
Every one of them (I've seem 'em all, at least twice, because I'm hopeful one will "click", so I know what's what) follows the same exact formula:
- Young people "on a mission" to rid the world of ghosts and tormentors from the beyond
- Always a tough-talking "bad-ass" in the group who'll "stand up" to the ghosts and try to provoke them
- Always a flaky Stevie Nicks type chick who is psychic or is a seer or whatever. Goes into a trance, tells some straight-from-Hollywood tale about the house, etc.
- Two mega-geeks running the AV gear (yeah, quite the stretch and surprise there...it's the only thing on these shows that comes across as halfway realistic or believable).
- High-tech gear to record magnetic energy, sound, etc. I'm betting they make it up as they go
- 6-8 minutes will elapse, with nothing happening (just eerie music added in post), the crew stumbling around in green-bathed night-vision, with half their dialog bleeped, so you have no idea what's being said or talked about
- Suddenly, one of the crew will gasp or shout "holy [bleep]!" and, you guessed it...it cuts to a commercial
- When show returns, we learn that a mouse tripped one of the motion sensors (and no, not a ghost mouse...a mouse mouse)
- The above nonsense continues for 30-60 minutes, depending on which show it is.
- At the show's conclusion, the crew gathers with the haunting "victims" to basically say "we captured or proved nothing, and, even if we did, we couldn't help anyway, as we're semi-literate, tough-talking jacktards who managed to land a reality show, but are in no way qualified to deal with the paranormal, or most of this equipment we lug around."
Nothing is ever shown, heard, captured, proven, etc. Maybe, once in a blue moon, they'll claim they've captured some EVP audio and they'll play it back (with captions added to assist the home viewer in following along). What sounds like a long hiss of a steam pipe, these puddingheads will somehow hear "I'm Jacob Foster IV and I hanged myself in the red closet...and I damn everyone who ever sets foot in this house again", and then they high-five each other for 3-4 minutes straight because, apparently, they
rock.
Or you might get a random crew member saying "[bleep] dude, I just had a [bleeping] chill run up the [bleeping] back of my [bleeping] neck!"
Hardly solid, worthwhile "evidence" to anyone watching at home.
Ghost shows. Hate 'em.
Watch one sometime and see for yourself. Interchangeable morons and situations, all:
Ghost Lab on Discovery
Paranormal State on A&E
Ghost Hunters on SyFy
Ghost Adventures on Travel Channel(!) (the worst of the bunch)
Several other one-offs or occasionally-airing shows - all following the same formula - can be found on the above networks or others. Probably a solid 7-8 of them floating around (ha!) at any one time. Not one of them is actually worth a damn, of course.
"Boo!", indeed.
Sorry, just had to "de-ghost" a bit this morning, after seeing the promos for one of the above presented in a breathless "you won't believe your eyes" manner (uh, yeah I will...I believe they'll tell me this show sucks, like all the others). These ghosts - and the idiots who "hunt" them on TV - are working my nerves. On a paranormal, metaphysical level.
