[addabox]

So I've posted, in the wrong forum, about my mom's passing and my subsequent depression and general feelings of fecklessness. And I've gotten some really nice replies, in thread and by PM, and I really really appreciate it. You guys and gals might be entirely fictional, AFAIK, but I've been talking (and talking and talking) to you for quite a few years now and I geunuinely feel like a part of a community of smart, interesting people that I genuinely like, so it means a lot to me. Thank you.

So anywho, I'm feeling a tad better and starting to move off my frozen place of transfixed horror (it's a depression thing-- you know that inaction is only making things worse, but doing something about it seems impossible). And I remembered a little moment of hilarity I'd though I'd share:

When my mom was pretty close to dying they sent over a social worker to briefly check things out. That didn't happen when my brother died a few years ago, so we weren't sure what it was about. I guess the state of Alabama has some interest in making sure that its meth addled, trailer park living citizens don't use the death of a loved one as an occasion for some kind of resentment fueled shoot-out or fall to squabbling about debts unpaid and go on a rampage or just generally lose it completely and forget not to burn the house down, or whatever. At any rate, the questions seemed suspiciously leaning in that direction-- any history of mental illness in the household, any financial entanglements that might arise, any hard feelings among the surviving family members, stuff like that. And we're all like "Nope, we love our mom and we'd like to get back to being with her and that's pretty much the deal we got going on over here, thanks for dropping by" (I should mention that the hospice people that came over were angels incarnate, just astoundingly present and kind and supportive. Honestly don't know how they do it, over and over again).

So that was a slightly discordant note in an otherwise very loving scene. But then when they were leaving (there was a main lady and her assistant in training), main lady stops, puts down her clipboard, and shares the following:

"I thought ya'll would appreciate this. I was working with another family, their momma was on death's door but there was some hard feelings so I was mediating and all, talking to them with momma in a coma in the next room. When all of a sudden momma rose up from her death bed and called out: 'COME IN HERE!' And we all went into the other room, and momma said 'I DONE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN AND SAW JESUS. NOW YA'LL FETCH TOMMY AND BOBBY AND TELL THEM TO COME RIGHT NOW!' And so Tommy and Bobby lived right down the street so we fetched them up and the came into the room and momma said: 'YA'LL NEED TO MAKE YOUR PEACE WITH JESUS RIGHT NOW!' And ole' Tommy and Bobby were all 'Yes ma'am, I surely would love to but how do we find him?' And momma looks at them and points to the middle of the room in mid-air. And then she died. Well I tell you what, I just got chills all over my body when I saw that, and I thought ya'll would appreciated hearing about that, so you might keep a look out for that kind of thing, just signs or whatever. Well, ya'll take care and God bless."

Now my brother and I, pagans though we may be, were raised up to be pleasant if nothing else, so we listened to this (by our lights fucking bizarre) anecdote with fixed smiles and sympathetic little nods, and as we ushered her out we were going "Wow, that's a cool story, food for thought, heh, thanks, bye." And the second we closed the door we bugged our eyes out at each other and laughed and wondered if she had discerned our souls to be in extreme and particular danger and in needing of life-mending tales of GHOST JESUS. Honestly, we kind of got a kick out it, and it was only later that I got a little pissed off. I mean, this woman works for the state of Alabama and is charged with doing her thing for anyone in need. That includes, presumably, atheists, Hindus, Jews, etc., etc., and here she was perfectly willing to proselytize for her religion, and do it with people she knew nothing about at a time of extreme emotional vulnerability.

I mean, it is Alabama so probably her message of hope would be welcome most of the time, but I had to wonder about those instances (and there have to be some) where she was met with "Meh, fuck that noise, take your Jesus and fuck right off." Because if you're in the process of losing a loved one you might be feeling a little less inclined to humor bright eyed zealots. Does she issue dark warnings of hellfire? Demure and skedaddle? Attempt an ad hoc exorcism? Agent of the State, remember, so I would hope upon being challenged she would at least stand down and not start a wrestlin' with Satan for ownership of your soul? I sort of got the impression she might.

At times, as the cost of living in the Bay Area continues to move right past ludicrous into the surreal, I've contemplated what it would be like to move back to Alabama. I love the land and the crickets and the fireflies and thunderstorms, and I imagine I would do pretty well with housing costs that are literally a tenth of what's going on out here. But man, I dunno.... that tendency for "monoculture" to assume everyone is on the same page, that "Southerners" (at least white Southeners) are pretty much of one mind when it comes to God and Guns and Jebus..... not sure if I could hang. Might have to though, if this Google planet shit keeps on going. The Bay Area is going to end up one big gated community where nothing costs less or looks any different than what a 23 old making $200k year wants or can afford.

But the main thing is GHOST JESUS DEMANDS AN ANSWER, NOW. Stay away from dying people, is what I'm saying, they're creepy as hell.