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Someone just shit their pants in my office.


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Someone just shit their pants in my office.
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murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2005-09-22, 10:58

Jesus christ some people are messed up. I have this customer in my office, she's wasting my fucking time by going on and on about some stupid trip she made with her boyfriend to pick up a truck or some shit, while I'm ignoring her and shuffling papers trying to drop a hint on her dense head... and she drops 2 farts mid-sentence.

It was literally like this:

"Yeah, it was my first time out that way, and it was pretty cool out *thhhbbt* *poofthhbt* oops, there with the rain and everything. And it took them 2 weeks to fix the truck... blah, blah, blah"

She never missed a beat. No embarassed look, nothing. Just a quick "oops", an obvious clenching of sphincter muscle, and on with her story.

So yeah, that's what my great thread is about. A woman just farted in front of me. She's probably at a gas station bathroom wiping her ass right now.

The funny thing is, I just farted. I didn't know they were contagious like yawns.

Goddamned farts and yawns.
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Kickaha
Likes his boobies blue.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hell
 
2005-09-22, 11:02

Only you, man. Only you.
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709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2005-09-22, 11:03

*thhhbbt*
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709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2005-09-22, 11:03

Dammit Murbot!
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Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2005-09-22, 11:10

Maybe she's proudly sporting a pair of Oops I Crapped My Pants (SFW!) undergarments.

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kscherer
The Ban Hammer
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boyzeee
 
2005-09-22, 11:34

The lame garbage you guys come up with!

All I can say is "this thread stinks!"
  quote
NosferaDrew
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Los Angeles
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2005-09-22, 11:40

Quote:
Originally Posted by kscherer
All I can say is "this thread stinks!"
He who smelt it, dealt it!
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kscherer
The Ban Hammer
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boyzeee
 
2005-09-22, 11:47

Quote:
Originally Posted by NosferaDrew
He who smelt it, dealt it!
uhh . . . err . . . it was uhh . . . that guy!
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InactionMan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-09-22, 12:08



I'm just glad everyone in my office is still at lunch. I hate laughing at my desk when the office is full.
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octavist13
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: IL
 
2005-09-22, 12:11

Farts are funny. Did you give her a high-five?
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BuonRotto
Not sayin', just sayin'
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Durham, NC
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2005-09-22, 12:14

Do you know how many times I farted just reading your post, murbot?
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kscherer
The Ban Hammer
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boyzeee
 
2005-09-22, 12:15

http://www.sillyhumor.com/babyfart/

Definitely SFW!
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drewprops
Magnificent Basturd™
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2005-09-22, 14:13

Holy shit, I was going to start a fart thread yesterday but thought that nobody would respond. It was going to be "What's Your Funniest Fart Story?" but then I closed the window and went downstairs to eat chocolate cake. Too bad, it would've been fun to find out all your fart stories....

Steve Jobs ate my cat's watermelon.
Captain Drew on Twitter
  quote
709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2005-09-22, 14:37

The funniest thing I've ever experienced with regards to farts happened a month or two ago.

Gato, the SO and I were laying in bed, Gato and her fast asleep (both on their backs), and me up reading with my little booklight. It's about 3 in morning and it's dead quiet. Out of fucking nowhere the SO lets out the *loudest* fart I have ever heard. I jump, the cat flies towards the ceiling claws out, and SHE wakes herself up and throws her hands and feet straight up in the air, looking around wide-eyed like the damn bed was collapsing underneath us.

Oh my shit was that hilarious. I'm belly-laughing just typing this.

So it goes.

Last edited by 709 : 2005-09-22 at 14:38.
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curiousuburb
Antimatter Man
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: that interweb thing
 
2005-09-22, 15:02

Euphemisms up the wazzoo...

though why it's at absoluteastronomy, I'm still trying to figure...
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Amadeus
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Massachusetts
 
2005-09-22, 17:38

Quite a hilarious thread. Thanks for the laughter.
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Windswept
On Pacific time
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Moderator's Pub
 
2005-09-22, 17:59

Quote:
Originally Posted by 709
the cat flies towards the ceiling claws out
Picturing this, I laughed so hard that tears streamed down my face.
  quote
onlyafterdark
Sucker for shiny objects
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Kitchener, ON
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2005-09-22, 18:43

Its sad, but this made my day. I just got back from a 5 hour plant bio lab to find someone almost shat in front of murbot.

I was expecting a little more from the title, but beggers cant be choosers.

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Wyatt
On twitter: @bwyatt
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2005-09-22, 19:41

Quote:
Originally Posted by onlyafterdark
Its sad, but this made my day. I just got back from a 5 hour plant bio lab to find someone almost shat in front of murbot.

I was expecting a little more from the title, but beggers cant be choosers.

Someone once took a shit on the floor of the grocery store I worked at in high school. It was an old lady. It was an old lady and she just stopped on the bread aisle, spread her legs a bit, and dropped it on the floor. Lucky me, I wasn't there that day.

Then there was the person who was either an employee or a frequent customer with an unfortunate colon problem... I swear to God, the women's room looked like someone's ass exploded. We couldn't even get in there to wipe it down. We had to hose the walls off.

Those stories a bit more like you expected?

Twitter: bwyatt | Minecraft: bwyatt_IN
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onlyafterdark
Sucker for shiny objects
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Kitchener, ON
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2005-09-22, 21:01

Yea something along those lines except with murbot chearing them on.

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pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-09-22, 21:03

I...but...how, um...

I'm going to bed, never to look at this thread again... (I should've known better anyway, considering the unholy combination of the topic AND the thread's creator. That's what curiosity gets me...f I were a cat, I'd be on my seventh life...).

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alcimedes
I shot the sherrif.
 
Join Date: May 2004
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2005-09-22, 21:10

Most awkward moment in my life was working for a client at her house.

I show up and start working and after a few minutes I smell this god awful stench. I know I didn't rip, so I know it's her. I keep working, and decide to avoid the stench by breathing through my mouth. Bad idea. Instead of smelling it now I'm tasting it. UGH. Atomized shit.

This goes on for another five minutes or so and I can tell she's getting uncomfortable. At this point she says she'll be right back, and makes a beeline for the bathroom.

You have to understand, this is a one room shanty. There's no space for privacy, and the walls are paper thin.

The next thing I know I can hear armageddon taking place in the bathroom. There's farts, squeels, splashes, squishes, moans, plops, trumpets and grunts. For 20 minutes.

I worked as fast as I could hoping to god to get out of there before the stench killed me.

That was the last time I did work for her.

Google is your frenemy.
Caveat Emptor - Latin for tough titty
I tend to interpret things in the way that's most hilarious to me
  quote
onlyafterdark
Sucker for shiny objects
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Kitchener, ON
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2005-09-22, 22:51

This reminds me of the new Family Guy where Peter out-farts Michael Moore. Classic.

Now Im out to get a life.........

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drewprops
Magnificent Basturd™
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2005-09-22, 22:52

man you gigolos have it hard....
  quote
InactionMan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-09-22, 23:04

Quote:
Originally Posted by alcimedes
Most awkward moment in my life was working for a client at her house.

I show up and start working and after a few minutes I smell this god awful stench. I know I didn't rip, so I know it's her. I keep working, and decide to avoid the stench by breathing through my mouth. Bad idea. Instead of smelling it now I'm tasting it. UGH. Atomized shit.

This goes on for another five minutes or so and I can tell she's getting uncomfortable. At this point she says she'll be right back, and makes a beeline for the bathroom.

You have to understand, this is a one room shanty. There's no space for privacy, and the walls are paper thin.

The next thing I know I can hear armageddon taking place in the bathroom. There's farts, squeels, splashes, squishes, moans, plops, trumpets and grunts. For 20 minutes.

I worked as fast as I could hoping to god to get out of there before the stench killed me.

That was the last time I did work for her.
That reminded me of this penny arcade strip:

  quote
shatteringglass
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
 
2005-09-23, 02:31

This is really hilarious. Maybe I'm just delirious. It's 3:29 and I'm working on a speech I have to make in class six hours from now. I'm far from finished. It's going to be a long night.
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kscherer
The Ban Hammer
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boyzeee
 
2005-09-23, 12:28

Well, I think it's safe to say that this thread has gone to . . . uh . . . well . . .

<queef>

Excuse me, all . . . bleck!
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709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2005-09-23, 12:34

Quote:
Originally Posted by kscherer
<queef>
*double-checks gender in kscherer's profile*

*stares blankly for a moment*





  quote
kscherer
The Ban Hammer
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boyzeee
 
2005-09-23, 13:30

Quote:
Originally Posted by 709
*double-checks gender in kscherer's profile*

*stares blankly for a moment*





Hey, butt-head, I work in a nice, Mac store. Farts must be released as quietly as possible! I could have said <fluff> you know!

Sheesh!
  quote
709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2005-09-23, 13:33

I understand.

Your word choice just struck as a bit, um...odd .
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