[thegeriatric]

Originally Posted by Taskiss I considered "life sucks then you die" but decided to TRY to cheer him up...not that anyone can do it though. Breakups and broken bones - "Things that take time to heal for $200, Alex"!

Sorry I think i misunderstood your comment completely.

[MBHockey]

So it's been a little while now, almost 2 months. It still really sucks. I think about her every day and have trouble falling asleep most nights. The worst part is, i think she's completely moved on already. I have dreams that she's with other guys. I want her back and it's not going to happen. I have never felt so hopeless in my life.

It's just, you know how sometimes you'll have a bad day and then think to yourself, "well, it's not that bad, at least .... " where you fill in the blank with something terrible that puts your 'bad day' in perspective? Well, it goes something like this, "well, it's not that bad, at least.. oh fuck, we are still broken up." and then i get really, really warm as i feel myself filling with this relentless rage that i have never experienced before and i feel like i'm going to snap if i don't put my fist through a wall.

I am an extremely angry person now, and it's sad. Things that i would watch other people get pissed off by in the past would just roll off me with a bit of laughter. But now i snap at the littlest things. I can't quite get the milk cap off on the first try because it's too soft and stuck to the container...i snap and throw the intended drinking glass at the wall. I somehow manage to get a dime stuck in my cigarette lighter power jack in my car...after fiddling with it for two minutes unsuccessfully i started punching it out of frustration with my fist until my knuckles was red and bleeding.

I don't know what's wrong with me...it's like i have Roid Rage.

I've been going to the gym mostly every day to get some stress relief, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I don't know what to do. It hasn't affected me at work, and i'm pretty sure i'm in enough control to not let that happen. But it's always there, simmering inside me, just waiting to come out. The only person to witness these ridiculous outrages of anger are myself, when i'm home alone. i haven't told anyone about it because it's so embarrassing.

[Partial]

Dude, you need to just relax. That sort of behavior is not healthy nor is it going to help the situation.

If you want the girl back, go fight for her. Let her know. Make your move. Don't literally throw punches, but stand up and fight. Maybe she wants to know how committed and willing to go the extra mile you are? Whatever the case may be, it seems to me that your anger is due to your unfinished business.

Go out and finish it. Leave it all on the field, as they say.

[Artap99]

Are you sure this was mutual?

[zsummers]

Originally Posted by tensdanny38 Dude, you need to just relax. That sort of behavior is not healthy nor is it going to help the situation. If you want the girl back, go fight for her. Let her know. Make your move. Don't literally throw punches, but stand up and fight. Maybe she wants to know how committed and willing to go the extra mile you are? Whatever the case may be, it seems to me that your anger is due to your unfinished business. Go out and finish it. Leave it all on the field, as they say.

Not bad advice, methinks, sans the "fight" language. It sounds like you need closure, and the only way you get that is to know you have no chance. Call her, arrange to see her, tell her exactly how you feel--including your misery (though maybe not the rage). If she tells you "no," then it's over and maybe you can move on. In fact, if she does anything other than jumping into your arms immediately, move on. If she jumps into your arms, then proceed accordingly.

I wish you luck. I've been where you're at, and you'll get past it. But you have to take control and run the plane into the ground first, so to speak... it's always darkest... sometimes you have to hit bottom... yadda yadda. Best wishes--and don't let this turn into rage against yourself--that's a dangerous thing.

[Yontsey]

I've been in the same exact spot you were. It sucks but eventually it fads. I ended up getting back with my ex after like a year and then we broke up again and she texted me last week for the first time in 4 months.

Just give it time. Working out helps. I like to play guitar, write poetry/songs, hang with friends, et cetera.

Keep yourself sane, because for the longest time, I thought I was going to lose my mind. There'll be other chicks so don't worry about that.

Now I gotta keep myself sane from thinking about my ex texting me last week, haha.

[Foj]

Originally Posted by tensdanny38 If you want the girl back, go fight for her. Let her know. Make your move.

[chucker]

With all the rage you do have right now, it really isn't the right time to even try to talk to her – she'd see it immediately, and she'd know you aren't stable enough to be in a relationship that's in any way mutually worthwhile.

So, no matter what, you have no choice but to distract yourself.

[ghoti]

Exactly. Plus, from what you said above, it's extremely unlikely that any move on your part would actually work - it would probably just cause a lot more damage.

What you need to do is get out and meet people. How many parties have you been to in the meantime? You probably just want to sit at home alone and bathe in your misery, but that won't get you anywhere. Get out, do something with your friends, meet people. That's the only effective medicine I know for your problem.

[BuonRotto]

For clarity, by "finishing", we're talking about coming to terms with things in your own head. I knew plenty of people at a young age who talked about "needing closure" after these things. Problem was, they kept going to that person to "seek closure" with them, but they were constantly frustrated by the other party's unwillingness or obliviousness to play along. "Closure" is something you do for yourself, with yourself. It shouldn't depend on the other person's approval or participation. After all, you can't control how they act or react, so you can't control the outcome in that case. You're always trying to "win" with them by getting them to acquiesce to your way of seeing things, your version of events, your reality. You're just asking for anger and frustration if you are trying to force the rest of the world to revolve around you.

Anyway, I'm not sure that's your problem MBHockey. Just be aware that this desire to control the outcome and perception of things is out of your control, and that is OK.

Have you ever looked into cognitive behavioral therapy? What you're describing sounds exactly like this process, so seeking some reading or a counselor in this vein might be exactly what you need to do to help resolve this.

[Partial]

2 more things:

Ignore all John Cusick related pieces of advice.

Be confident in yourself. Chicks dig confidence.

[Phoenix]

On this note, has anyone else thought that with technology the way it is (with Facebook, Myspace, etc) that breaking up and dealing with the related heartache is getting harder and harder to do?

I broke it off with a long term Girlfriend and while it was my decision i still feel very strongly towards her. It wasn't much to do with the relationship that ended it, but the situation we were both in. Anyway, now that were apart, i've found that being able to view her myspace page, or facebook page, has been really tough sometimes. Being able to see what she's been up to has been really difficult sometimes, and as much as i say i'll stop going to those places, i can't seem to help it.

Anyone else feel the same way?

[herodian]

Originally Posted by Brad Or, more succinctly: “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” - Alfred Lord Tennyson

god damn i hate that quote. if you have loved and lost, you wish you hadn't loved.

Originally Posted by MBHockey So it's been a little while now, almost 2 months. It still really sucks. I think about her every day and have trouble falling asleep most nights. The worst part is, i think she's completely moved on already. I have dreams that she's with other guys. I want her back and it's not going to happen. I have never felt so hopeless in my life. It's just, you know how sometimes you'll have a bad day and then think to yourself, "well, it's not that bad, at least .... " where you fill in the blank with something terrible that puts your 'bad day' in perspective? Well, it goes something like this, "well, it's not that bad, at least.. oh fuck, we are still broken up." and then i get really, really warm as i feel myself filling with this relentless rage that i have never experienced before and i feel like i'm going to snap if i don't put my fist through a wall. I am an extremely angry person now, and it's sad. Things that i would watch other people get pissed off by in the past would just roll off me with a bit of laughter. But now i snap at the littlest things. I can't quite get the milk cap off on the first try because it's too soft and stuck to the container...i snap and throw the intended drinking glass at the wall. I somehow manage to get a dime stuck in my cigarette lighter power jack in my car...after fiddling with it for two minutes unsuccessfully i started punching it out of frustration with my fist until my knuckles was red and bleeding. I don't know what's wrong with me...it's like i have Roid Rage. I've been going to the gym mostly every day to get some stress relief, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I don't know what to do. It hasn't affected me at work, and i'm pretty sure i'm in enough control to not let that happen. But it's always there, simmering inside me, just waiting to come out. The only person to witness these ridiculous outrages of anger are myself, when i'm home alone. i haven't told anyone about it because it's so embarrassing.

i rest my case.

this sounds like me after splitting up with an ex of mine about 6 years ago. i hate to think how i would survive if my live in gf left me.

music helped me. well, smacking the crap out of my drums 3 times a week at rehearsals did. also wrote a pretty sweet album too. ha, weird, only making that connection now.

MB, write to her with a pen i.e don't email, SMS, and tell her how you feel. do it over a couple of days so you remember everything you want to say. she (in theory) will appreciate the effort of hand writing the letter, and she hopefully will see that this break up is 'killing' you. maybe she feels the same and is really good at not showing it? another ex of mine did that. that was a fun time, never knowing what mood she was really in.

or, get yourself a 20 year old 'twinky in the city'. (yeah, i'm gay for Friends, but love the ladies )

anyway, best of luck to you.

[MBHockey]

Originally Posted by ghoti Exactly. Plus, from what you said above, it's extremely unlikely that any move on your part would actually work - it would probably just cause a lot more damage. What you need to do is get out and meet people. How many parties have you been to in the meantime? You probably just want to sit at home alone and bathe in your misery, but that won't get you anywhere. Get out, do something with your friends, meet people. That's the only effective medicine I know for your problem.

not at all. I go out quite often and talk to girls at bars and things like that, but they are all invisible. They give me their numbers but i never call because they are just one big jumble of "doesn't matter".

Thanks for all the advice everyone. It just feels good to get it off my chest.

[Souflay123]

Break ups are always hard... and sometimes entertaining for others around you ... but if you feel that strongly towards her, i agree write a letter and also show up at her door and profess the same love towards her. If she rejects you, at least you tried, it feels better when you have tried and failed than to never try. If you truly love and care about someone you will go-to-bat to keep them and care for them. If you two were not meant to be then you will move on and find another amazing woman to love and cherish. That is the simple fact, that in the end if two people were not to be together than they are not.... if they were then they shall stay together. But i think a better quotation to live by is noted by Friedrich Nietzsche, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" I always use this quotation to get me though times and places that are undesirable. I know at the end, with time, you will look back and realize how much happier you are post this event b/c you can fully understand the good, b/c you have seen the bad. This concept goes back into the basis of human nature. We are made up of the events around us, this shapes our personalities and makes us who we are. It may not be the best feeling now, but go fight for her! And in the end, "it all floats on...." we all will end up where we should

[Schnauzer]

MBHockey is your ex-girlfriend a member of Apple Nova? I remember someone saying that in a topic a while back about buying something, but I couldn't find it.(So if it is not you, sorry! ) If so, you might as well tell her to her face, since half the interwebs of the mac community now knows.

[MBHockey]

no she's not, haha.

I'm doing okay now. we spoke on the phone. She's still "confused" but at least i told her how i was feeling. I am getting back to being patient and not easily frustrated. We'll see what happens. Just wish i could fast forward 6 months.

[BuonRotto]

Oh God. Please don't let her indecision and waffling get in your way. Playing the whole "I'm confused and need some time to think" thing is cruel IMO. sounds to me like she's leading you along, keeping you on the bench as clean-up if she's out of options. It's ultimately up to you if you want this relationship or not.

[Yontsey]

Originally Posted by BuonRotto Oh God. Please don't let her indecision and waffling get in your way. Playing the whole "I'm confused and need some time to think" thing is cruel IMO. sounds to me like she's leading you along, keeping you on the bench as clean-up if she's out of options. It's ultimately up to you if you want this relationship or not.

well said. this is how they do it. ive been through it and hopefully am not going to again. it's easy looking in to say not to do it, but when youre in the shoes, it's hard to fight.

[bassplayinMacFiend]

Originally Posted by Schnauzer MBHockey is your ex-girlfriend a member of Apple Nova? I remember someone saying that in a topic a while back about buying something, but I couldn't find it.(So if it is not you, sorry! ) If so, you might as well tell her to her face, since half the interwebs of the mac community now knows.

No, that would've been the person Soulflay123 (the poster above you) dumped. Appropriate username there, Soulflay.

[Schnauzer]

Oh so then it was screensaver400 that dumped Soulflay. Sorry about that MBHockey, when I saw the thread it was the first thing that came to mind. Ahh the E-drama

[Souflay123]

Originally Posted by Schnauzer Oh so then it was screensaver400 that dumped Soulflay. Sorry about that MBHockey, when I saw the thread it was the first thing that came to mind. Ahh the E-drama

HAHA! my dear, it was myself (Souflay) who dumped Screensaver400, and I am much happier woman for that action

[screensaver400]

Originally Posted by Souflay123 HAHA! my dear, it was myself (Souflay) who dumped Screensaver400, and I am much happier woman for that action

Oh, please. We've been over this. I gave you an ultimatum-- an unreasonable one, intentionally. You, of course, didn't agree to it, and "broke up with me." Yes, of course.

Frankly, I thought you would have a mental breakdown if I broke up with you. Things your mother said confirmed this. But we both knew it was coming. It's quite irrelevant, in any case. We are broken up; no sense in debating the specifics.

And while I don't regret the good times we had, I'm glad to have moved on with my new girlfriend. Please, let's let bygones be bygones. Stop posting about me. This is the only time I've addressed you, indirectly or directly. I made one post related to our relationship-- the infamous "How to Blow Some Money" thread, posted the very day (or, perhaps, the day after) we broke up-- and in it I refused to identify you, and I asked you to ignore that thread. You chose not to.

You've posted referencing me on many occasions. I've moved on, and I'm tired of reading about a past relationship that I've moved on from.

Have you moved on? Or do your repeated posts about me simply speak to your vindictive nature? If anyone else posts about us, those posts can simply be ignored, as I've ignored your previous posts about me.

[kieran]

(pulls up a chair)

Who's bringing the popcorn?

[ghoti]

[cosus]

I like the word "diatribe."

[MBHockey]

So since she's in NY and i'm in DC, we've made plans to get together for lunch over thanksgiving. I still think about her more than I should, especially because i get the feeling she isn't hurting nearly as bad as I am...or maybe she's just not letting it show. She's a very strong person, so that wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, it's still hard as ever. I think about her at work, at the gym, when i'm out with my friends, when i'm home, and when i'm sleeping (the most realistic and emotional dreams i have ever had in my life).

I stuffed all the pictures i had with me and her in them in a drawer, along with other random things around my apartment that made me think of her. I guess that's a step in the right direction.

[zsummers]

Originally Posted by MBHockey So since she's in NY and i'm in DC, we've made plans to get together for lunch over thanksgiving. I still think about her more than I should, especially because i get the feeling she isn't hurting nearly as bad as I am...or maybe she's just not letting it show. She's a very strong person, so that wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, it's still hard as ever. I think about her at work, at the gym, when i'm out with my friends, when i'm home, and when i'm sleeping (the most realistic and emotional dreams i have ever had in my life). I stuffed all the pictures i had with me and her in them in a drawer, along with other random things around my apartment that made me think of her. I guess that's a step in the right direction.

Why does it bother you that she might not be hurting as bad as you? Answer that question, and you're a long way to figuring this out... (I'll give you a clue... it involves your feelings about yourself, and has absolutely nothing to do with her, at core... that's good news, because you have control of how you feel about yourself).

[Freewell]

That is an excellent observation.

[MBHockey]

Because it makes me think she doesn't care as much.