[Ryan]

We've all gotten laughed at because of where we live. So what are some of the best jokes you've heard about you're city/region/state/etc?

I'm in the San Francisco Bay Area, in Northern California. Here's two:

How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hella

How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Both of them.

I'll post more as I think of them.

[709]

Most of the jokes I've heard about my area (West Michigan) tend to do with the large Dutch and Christian/Conservative population. Nothing really regional or city specific (or at least nothing I've ever heard).

That said, the funniest thing I've heard is:

"Why do you always bring two Christian Conservatives with you golfing? Because if you only bring one he'll drink all your beer, but if you bring two they won't drink any."

[eochs]

I grew up in NJ... I guarantee that I win this contest.

[709]

"You can't win if you don't enter!"

[psmith2.0]

Well, I'm from/in Tennessee...need I say more?

Too many to mention.

But it's cool...I can give as good as I get. I'm often first to crack wise about our redneck, hillbilly ways. And it's always funnier when coming from a native anyway, rather than some New England or west coast smart-ass who's never even stepped foot in the beautiful South.

They're just trading in stereotypes and reciting the same old, unoriginal observations. We've moved on, and have found a whole bunch of NEW things to poke fun at ourselves for!



I think we're the only region that can truly laugh at ourselves. I heard some writer or historian talking about that once (on one of those C-Span book tour lectures). I got to thinking about it, and I really think he's right...

Funny is funny.

[julesstoop]

We dutch are said to be miserly in regional folklore, so lots of jokes about that.
Like: copper wire was invented by two dutchmen pulling at a 1 cent coin.
Or: we have a very flat country except for a region in the south wich is slightly hilly, how comes? It used to be flat as well, but once a dutchman started a frantic search after losing a penny.

They are not really funny, especially not after translation.

[InactionMan]

CubeDude, I thought you were being coy in your thread title and wanted jokes about our dangly bits.

There aren't any Toronto jokes that aren't rooted in the rest of Canada's bitter jealousy at the big smoke's sheer awesomeness.

[ShadowOfGed]

Originally Posted by pscates2.0 Well, I'm from/in Tennessee...need I say more? Too many to mention. But it's cool...I can give as good as I get. I'm often first to crack wise about our redneck, hillbilly ways. And it's always funnier when coming from a native anyway, rather than some New England or west coast smart-ass who's never even stepped foot in the beautiful South. They're just trading in stereotypes and reciting the same old, unoriginal observations. We've moved on, and have found a whole bunch of NEW things to poke fun at ourselves for! I think we're the only region that can truly laugh at ourselves. I heard some writer or historian talking about that once (on one of those C-Span book tour lectures). I got to thinking about it, and I really think he's right... Funny is funny.

Yeah... the best shred of evidence I have that North Kakalaki is very southern is that we have a town outside of Raleigh called "Lizard Lick". Go figure. We even have another town referred to as the "North Carolina Center for Relocated Yankees." They earned it, but still funny.

[ShadowOfGed]

Originally Posted by julesstoop We dutch are said to be miserly in regional folklore, so lots of jokes about that. Like: copper wire was invented by two dutchmen pulling at a 1 cent coin. Or: we have a very flat country except for a region in the south wich is slightly hilly, how comes? It used to be flat as well, but once a dutchman started a frantic search after losing a penny. They are not really funny, especially not after translation.

I wouldn't say that... I, at least, found the first one to be rather hilarious. Maybe it's what I get for studying electrical engineering...

The second one was pretty good too.

[ShadowOfGed]

OK, now that I'm done replying to other comments, time for me to share my joke about this area.

So the Research Triangle Park is ripe with collegiate jokes, since so much in the area is driven by their presence, I'd say. So it's not a bias, just one of the more creative jokes I've heard.

---

So an NCSU grad, a Duke grad, and a UNC grad are walking along and together they find a genie. The genie comes out, sees that there are three of them, and says "alright, I'll grant each of you one wish."

So first, the NCSU grad thinks for a moment, and he says "Genie, NC state is the best school in the land. I want you to build a wall around Raleigh." So *poof* there's a giant wall surrounding the city of Raleigh, protecting NC State for all of eternity.

Then, the Duke grad says "No, Duke is the finest school in the land. I want you to build a wall around Durham." So *poof* there's an identical wall surrounding Durham, forever enclosing Duke University and its home town.

The UNC grad then looks at the genie and says "So, can you tell me a little more about these walls?" Perplexed, the genie responds: "Sure. They're 50 feet high, and nobody can enter or leave." The UNC grad ponders for a moment, and says simply: "Fill them both with water."

---



(Disclaimer: I actually go to Virginia Tech)

[murbot]

I don't think there are any about Canada.

[ShadowOfGed]

So now that I think about it, "area" is a pretty generic term. Heh. So I've got another good one about my area of employment. Engineering. Heh.

---

So this engineer and his friend are walking to class one morning, so the first looks over to his friend and says: "You know, the strangest thing happened to me yesterday."

His friend replies: "Oh yeah?"

He says: "Yeah! I got a new bike for free."

His friend, perplexed, asks: "How's that?"

So he decides to explain: "Well, this really hot girl rode up on a bike, jumped off, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want!'"

The friend looks back and simply replies: "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

---

Wow, I need a life.

[Moogs]

No Jokes about Canada? Surely you jest!

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."




An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."


Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.

The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?"

Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."

The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we’ve just got to have a cook-out when the weather’s THIS nice."

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.

He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!

The devil is dumbfounded, "I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two???"

The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don’t you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup."



HAR!

[julesstoop]

Originally Posted by murbot I don't think there are any about Canada.

[Moogs]

Here's a good Chicago joke from the Harold Washington Era.


A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.

When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits.

His co-worker said to reconsider and that Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, restaurants, clubs, good public transportation, etc.

Then he said: "Why I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working."

The first asked, "What did you do there?"

To which the other replied, "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck."

[Moogs]

Also some excellent Cubs jokes:


"It's hard to put your finger on it. You have to have a dullness of mind and spirit to play here. I went through pyschoanalysis and that helped me deal with my Cubness."--Jim Brosnan, former Cubs pitcher

"Noise pollution can't be that much of a problem. There's nothing to cheer about."--State rep. John F. Dunn, arguing for the installation of lights at Wrigley Field

"If I managed the Cubs, I'd be an alcoholic."--Whitey Herzog

"There's nothing wrong with this team that more pitching, more fielding and more hitting couldn't help."--Bill Buckner

"The only bad thing about being released by the Cubs is that they made me keep my season tickets."--Ken Rietz, ex-Cub third baseman





Twenty major events that have occurred since the Chicago Cubs last laid claim to a World Series championship:

1. Radio was invented; Cubs fans got to hear their team lose.

2. TV was invented; Cubs fans got to see their team lose.

3. Baseball added 14 teams; Cubs fans get to see and hear their team lose to more clubs.

4. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th and 100th birthdays.

5. Haley's comet passed Earth twice.

6. Harry Caray was born....and died. Incredible, but true.

7. The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league.

8. Man landed on the moon, as have several home runs given up by Cubs pitchers.

9. Sixteen U.S. presidents were elected.

10. There were 11 amendments added to the Constitution.

11. Prohibition was created and repealed.

12. The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered and became the subject of major motion pictures, the latest giving Cubs fans hope that something that finishes on the bottom can come out on top.

13. Wrigley Field was built and becomes the oldest park in the National League.

14. Flag poles were erected on Wrigley Field roof to hold all of the team's future World Series pennants. Those flag poles have since rusted and been taken down.

15. A combination of 40 Summer and Winter Olympics have been held.

16. Thirteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown; several thanked Cubs pitchers.

17. Bell-bottoms came in style, went out of style and came back in.

18. The Chicago White Sox, Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox and the Florida Marlins have all won the World Series.

19. The Cubs played 14,153 regular-season games; they lost the majority of them.

20. Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, Oklahoma and New Mexico were added to the Union.

[BlueRabbit]

[Insert every single Seattle rain joke here. There are way too many to list]

[Wrao]

I dunno any specific ones about SoCal, but it's gotta be something like.

"how many Southern Californian's does it take to change a lightbulb?"

"Southern Californian's are lazy"

or

"what do you get when you mix, bread, water, and a southern califorian?"

"Southern Californians are lazy!"

..etc.

[Wrao]

Originally Posted by CubeDude How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them.

Golly, even the two straight San Franciscans are screwing. That town ain't right.

[Kickaha]

Originally Posted by ShadowOfGed Yeah... the best shred of evidence I have that North Kakalaki is very southern is that we have a town outside of Raleigh called "Lizard Lick". Go figure.

Not as good as Fuquay-Varina.

Yeah, read that again a couple more times, then try and pronounce it without laughing your ass off.

We even have another town referred to as the "North Carolina Center for Relocated Yankees." They earned it, but still funny.

You're thinking of Cary: Containment Area for Relocated Yankees

[SKMDC]

when I lived in Milwaukee they had a fondness for telling Green Bay jokes, Brett Favre and the Superbowl win ended a bunch of it.

Out of many here's my favorite.

A boss informed one of his employees that he was transferring him to the Green Bay office.
"Green Bay?" he whined, "the only thing in Green Bay are hookers and football players."
To which his boss responded "I'll have you know my wife is from Green Bay!"
"Oh yeah?" the employee responds nervously, "what position does she play?"

[Kickaha]

Does a joke about profession count?

------

A guy is walking through the woods, when he hears a small voice saying "Help me!"

Looking down, he sees a frog. The frog says "Thank god you stopped! I'm a beautiful princess ensorcelled by a wicked witch! Kiss me and I'll be yours!"

The guy chuckles, picks up the frog, puts it in his pocket, and walks on.

After a bit, the frog is going nuts in his pants, so he pulls it out. "What?"

"I don't think you heard me... I'm a *BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS*. Kiss me, and I'll turn back into being a *BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS* and I'll be yours!"

The guy chuckles, puts the frog back in his pocket, and continues walking.

Again, the frog goes nuts, and he pulls it out again. "What?!"

"Look, I don't think you understand what I'm saying here. I'm *GORGEOUS*. I'm *SUPER-MODEL GORGEOUS*. Kiss me, and I will do ANY. THING. YOU. WANT. My body? Yours. My bank account? Yours. My estates, gold, riches? Yours. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM??"

"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a relationship, but a talking frog? That's really cool."

[sunrain]

I'm from Oregon, but this joke covers the northwest.

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending." He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?"

The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?" The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?" The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?" Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license.

The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?" The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"

[sunrain]

You know you're from Oregon when...

...you feel guilty about throwing an aluminum can in the trash.
...you've actually used a mountain bike *on* a mountain.
...you complain about the Californians just as you're selling your house to one for twice its value.
...you registered at REI for your wedding. (guilty as charged )
...your Halloween costumes were designed to fit under a raincoat.
...you believe people who use umbrellas are wimps or Californians, or both.
...you know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind.
...you find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner.

Come on Carol. Back me up here.

[GSpotter]

Not really a joke, as the colleague who told me the story witnessed it himself:

The people living in my area (so called Swabia are said to be rather tight-fisted (kind of the german equivalent to the scots) and having a rather dry humor.

One day, my colleague saw a drunk leaning on a wall, puking. An old man comes by, watches the scenario and then comments (with a broad swabian accent): "So you spared your asshole?"

[ShadowOfGed]

Originally Posted by Dr. Kickaha Not as good as Fuquay-Varina. Yeah, read that again a couple more times, then try and pronounce it without laughing your ass off. You're thinking of Cary: Containment Area for Relocated Yankees

Yeah, but I neglected to think that one of the zillion people here from NC would nail me for not mentioning Cary's name outright.

Fuquay-Varina is definitely an odd name ( and open to some very interesting intentional mispronunciations ), but it never struck me as being quit as "hick" as Lizard Lick.

EDIT: Oh, and Kick: if only I couldn't relate to that joke as well...

[Windswept]

Originally Posted by sunrain You know you're from Oregon when... ...you feel guilty about throwing an aluminum can in the trash. ...you've actually used a mountain bike *on* a mountain. ...you complain about the Californians just as you're selling your house to one for twice its value. ...you registered at REI for your wedding. (guilty as charged ) ...your Halloween costumes were designed to fit under a raincoat. ...you believe people who use umbrellas are wimps or Californians, or both. ...you know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind. ...you find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner. Come on Carol. Back me up here.

Yeah, sunrain, all those ring perfectly true. Of course, I'm not actually 'from' Oregon - but I do love it dearly. Well, that is, I love it for the 90 days per year on the coast when it's *not* cloudy, foggy, and raining.

Actually, though, when I 'first' discovered Oregon, I was driving up the coast literally *seeking* fog and rain (as desperate relief from the blast furnace that I call 'home' ). I positively 'luxuriated' in the chilly morning mists that I first encountered just north of DePoe Bay.

I mention this partly because the little beach house I rented in the area was owned, and on the property of, a cool elderly lady who had spent her life acting/directing in the theater. The cabin I rented only had one electrical circuit, apparently, so in the morning when I would arise and start cranking up various electrical devices like space-heaters/coffee pots/electric stoves, the circuit-breaker would frequently shut everything down.

I would have to go up to her house, enter it via an unlocked shed attached to the main building, and access the breaker panel. I did this numerous times when she was out of town. Her entire house was essentially perfectly accessible (via the shed) to any burglar who happened by, but I don't think it occurred to her to worry about such a thing. I guess that's part of the Oregon state of mind.

That state of mind seems to be contagious too. I managed to get a $100 speeding ticket on my mad dash to the airport to return home. I paid it promptly. I never once considered depriving the state of Oregon of my $100, because I was sure they would put it to good use protecting habitats of coastal animals, or some such worthy thing.

My comment isn't about jokes, but I *am* backing you up on your 'honesty' point.

[Banana]

I pity those folks who's from Ohio or California.... doomed to be butt of a joke resigned and resigned.

[Maciej]

I'm trying not to think about it, I'm from Poland.

[BuonRotto]

I have Irish and Polish ancestry, I'm from New Jersey, I moved to the Old South, I wear glasses** and I'm blond. Can anyone beat that?

**Added this one later.