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Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
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Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-09-18, 20:50

Dear Subway,

Your pricing is weird. A turkey footlong is $6.50. A turkey and ham footlong is $5.00. You charge people $1.50 to not give them ham.

It's like you're saying "fuck you, Jews!"

Subway, why do you feel you can charge kosher-keepers a Jew Tax? Perhaps it's because you think all Jews are rich bankers, hmm? You know what your food tastes like, Subway? Antisemitism.

Except the raspberry cheesecake cookies. Those are goddamn delicious.

Offendedly yours,
Robo
  quote
Foj
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Atlanta
 
2011-09-18, 22:15

Maybe turkey is just more expensive?
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-09-18, 22:37

Quote:
Originally Posted by Foj View Post
Maybe turkey is just more expensive?
I don't think they give you more turkey on the turkey sandwich. They just don't give you ham.

Though according to fine print on their menu, all their "Cold Cut Trio" meats are turkey based. So maybe that means the turkey and ham sandwich is kosher? But that would ruin the joke. We were just bullshitting the sandwichista about being offended about it; the friend I lunched with is actually on a vegetarian diet (for reasons that have nothing to do with his Judaism), and I naturally had the mouth-watering Oven Crisp Chicken right in front of him.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Send a message via AIM to Capella  
2011-09-18, 22:40

Dear game group,

I realize that today's session had some very funny quotes both in and out of character, but when we're saying nearly 10 OOC utterances for every 1 IC, we have a problem. Are you here to make jokes about Pokemon and bestiality, or are you here to, I don't know, play a fucking roleplaying game?

No love,

the cat who is serious about her characters

"A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras
twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-09-18, 22:55

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
Are you here to make jokes about Pokemon and bestiality, or are you here to, I don't know, play a fucking roleplaying game?
Okay, I have to ask. Do you mean they are making jokes about Pokémon, and making other jokes about bestiality, or are they making jokes about...Pokébestiality?

Because, wow.

Although I think I remember hearing that the (surprisingly dark!) Pokémon manga contains vague references to Pokémon-human hybrids, so I guess/hope that means Pokémon can consent and ohhh my goddd why do I know about this

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
billybobsky
BANNED
I am worthless beyond hope.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Inner Swabia. If you have to ask twice, don't.
 
2011-09-19, 01:33

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robo View Post
I don't think they give you more turkey on the turkey sandwich. They just don't give you ham.

Though according to fine print on their menu, all their "Cold Cut Trio" meats are turkey based. So maybe that means the turkey and ham sandwich is kosher? But that would ruin the joke. We were just bullshitting the sandwichista about being offended about it; the friend I lunched with is actually on a vegetarian diet (for reasons that have nothing to do with his Judaism), and I naturally had the mouth-watering Oven Crisp Chicken right in front of him.
Hold the phone, slam it onto the receiver and then hold it some more.

Ok: so I 'get' turkey pastrami and turkey salami as they have specific spices that are used in creating the oinking variety. But what the hell is the difference between turkey bologna and turkey ham, and why the hell would you ever eat them.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-09-19, 01:46

Quote:
Originally Posted by billybobsky View Post
Hold the phone, slam it onto the receiver and then hold it some more.

Ok: so I 'get' turkey pastrami and turkey salami as they have specific spices that are used in creating the oinking variety. But what the hell is the difference between turkey bologna and turkey ham, and why the hell would you ever eat them.
I have no idea. I don't eat a lot of meat, and aren't up on all the types. I like chicken?

I had my first ever Big Mac last week, just to say I did. I liked it, but I think I mostly liked the sauce. I don't really remember the meat having much of a taste at all. Are all their burgers that way, or did I just get a weird one? I know Steak & Shake and Five Guys are supposed to be much better burger places.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Send a message via AIM to Capella  
2011-09-19, 06:35

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robo View Post
Okay, I have to ask. Do you mean they are making jokes about Pokémon, and making other jokes about bestiality, or are they making jokes about...Pokébestiality?

Because, wow.

Although I think I remember hearing that the (surprisingly dark!) Pokémon manga contains vague references to Pokémon-human hybrids, so I guess/hope that means Pokémon can consent and ohhh my goddd why do I know about this
My character's professor's name is Pine. So, naturally, everyone started making Professor Oak jokes and asking for Pokemon OOC, which led to discussions of things such as "what happens to the Pokemon neither you or your rival choose", which led to a discussion of Bulbasaur and tentacles... Mostly, though, it was separate jokes about anything-fucking and Pokemon. One of the characters' player keeps blurting out that he'd "do (whatever)" throughout the game session, which included goats, men, women, ghosts, and more. Eventually led to where we were in a great scene where my character is trying to talk to the skittish paranoid kid about doors, and she says "So walls are doors?" and he says "Doors are walls. And you just have to listen to them." and then OOC this guy says "so can I fuck a door?" and managed to completely ruin the mood.

"A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras
twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-09-19, 06:43

Dear Capella's role playing group,

Stop ruining the mood.

Signed,
a (very) concerned bystander
  quote
Sauvblanc
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Mel-Bun!
 
2011-09-20, 22:32

Dear Australian TV networks,

1) Enough with the Reality TV shows, already. Seriously. "Australia's Best Psychic"? If that's not scraping the bottom of the barrel, I'm seriously frightened about what unexplored steaming pile of shit is going to be foisted on us next.

2) Stop treating your viewers with contempt and start your damn TV shows on time. It's getting fucking annoying to tune into a channel at 8 30 wanting to see the latest NCIS episode only to find out that your lame-ass reality TV show is still running. Even worse, the lame ass reality TV show ends up to a half hour later than advertised. Given that these shows are usually pre-recorded, these sorts of overruns amount to nothing more than a shitty way to try to lure people into watching a shitty show and artificially inflate your viewer numbers.

Thank goodness that most TV here in Australia is free-to-air otherwise I'd have cancelled my cable subscription and sold the TV by now...

Specialists are people who know more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing. Generalists are people who know less and less about more and more until they know nothing about everything. I'm somewhere in the middle.
  quote
Wrao
Yarp
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Road Warrior
 
2011-09-21, 18:12

Dear The Internet,

You are wrong. Seriously. When was the last time you were ever right about anything? People are starting to talk, and I think it would be in both of our best interests if you could tone it down with the extremism and fanaticism, particularly over consumer electronics because what's with that?, but really it is the tendency you have to polarize and divide on every topic. Or to take basic wiki-101 knowledge and commence arguments over it, or approaching people and groups who have been discussing issues for several years if not entire lifetimes as though you have solved all of their 'problems'. Yeah... all of that, knock it out. Here's a good metric to gauge whether or not you should dive into a discussion aggressively as though you have the answers, don't. That's the point of discussion. When a topic has been debated about since before you were born and when it deals with the very fabric of what makes society go round, it's probably best if you do more listening than speaking, and if you must speak, don't expect that your voice will be heard equally on the sole basis that you have equal ability to present it.

And you know, while we're at it, can we talk about your sense of humor. It's atrocious. Look, there is nothing wrong with memes, they're a convenient way of compartmentalizing jokes and making them less reliant on context. But, can you have some tact? Do we really need to strip-mine every interesting or worthwhile concept until it becomes desolate and useless? I know you feel rewarded whenever you make a funny zinger and some websites literally encourage this behavior with point systems and karma and rewards. But at some point you have to sleep in the bed you've made and... no wait, I forgot, the Internet doesn't sleep. Okay, never mind.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-09-23, 01:26

Dear Wrao,

u mad?

-Memes
  quote
Ebby
Subdued and Medicated
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Over Yander
Send a message via AIM to Ebby  
2011-10-04, 00:28

Dear Outback;

Oh whoops. Sorry I didn't see I parked in the "pick-up orders" spot. My bad. Thanks for not being a d-bag about it by chewing me out or something and just putting a menu on my window. Nice joke. I got it. In my defense, it was literally the last available parking space. Busy night. Cheers 'all.

Sincerely
Blind Driver

^^ One more quality post from the desk of Ebby. ^^
SSBA | SmockBogger | SporkNET
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-10-07, 22:18

Dear songwriters,

Here is a list of words that rhyme with "friend" besides "end":

bend
mend
lend
send
tend
rend
trend
offend
pretend
defend
intend

I could append many more, but I think you get the picture. There are lots of words! There are entire books filled with nothing but words. Use your imagination!

Also, if any more of you tack "...my friend" onto the end of a line in a forced attempt to make it rhyme with one of the above words, I'm going to kick you in the balls. Nobody actually talks like this, my friend. And it sounds forced and unnatural and worse than no rhyme at all, which means it's simply not an acceptable break from normal speech, my friend.

Your friend,
Robo

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Send a message via AIM to Capella  
2011-10-08, 08:38

Every time I hear "my friend" overused, I think of Atrus from Myst "Ah, my friend, you've returned..."
  quote
Ebby
Subdued and Medicated
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Over Yander
Send a message via AIM to Ebby  
2011-10-08, 14:27

Haha sweeeet.

But wouldn't that have been in Riven?
  quote
chucker
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: near Bremen, Germany
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2011-10-08, 14:34

AFAICT: no, that's Myst, but it's Achenar, not Atrus.

Riven would be Atrus saying "Thank God you've returned" at the beginning.
  quote
Ebby
Subdued and Medicated
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Over Yander
Send a message via AIM to Ebby  
2011-10-08, 15:25

Ahh yes. Close.

I shall now dedicate next Saturday as retro gaming day. Haha
  quote
Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Send a message via AIM to Capella  
2011-10-08, 16:51

I was meaning "Myst" more to refer to the series in general, not specifically the initial game, because he does the "my friend" thing all the damn time. I know it's to solve the "how do you address in voice someone whose name is unspecified?", but it's an amusing quirk anyway.

Also, it's really weird to be talking about this particular fandom on this particular forum

"A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras
twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder
  quote
chucker
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: near Bremen, Germany
Send a message via ICQ to chucker Send a message via AIM to chucker Send a message via MSN to chucker Send a message via Yahoo to chucker Send a message via Skype™ to chucker 
2011-10-08, 16:59

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
Also, it's really weird to be talking about this particular fandom on this particular forum
I really don't know what you're talking about.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-10-08, 17:08

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
I was meaning "Myst" more to refer to the series in general, not specifically the initial game, because he does the "my friend" thing all the damn time. I know it's to solve the "how do you address in voice someone whose name is unspecified?", but it's an amusing quirk anyway.
It's a difficult design problem, to be sure. Some voiced RPGs that allow you to name your character include the chosen character name in the dialogue in subtitles, but just skip over it in the voiced dialogue. This is distracting, too.

Also, you're all nerds. A fandom? For a video game? Pssh! *whistles innocently*

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Send a message via AIM to Capella  
2011-10-08, 17:13

BioWare tends to handle it the same way for all games by giving you an epithet; "Warden", "Commander", "Lord", "Sith", whatever. That way, people will address you by your epithet, which can be voiced, and not by specific name.

"A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras
twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2011-10-08, 17:23

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
BioWare tends to handle it the same way for all games by giving you an epithet; "Warden", "Commander", "Lord", "Sith", whatever. That way, people will address you by your epithet, which can be voiced, and not by specific name.
This is probably my preferred option, as long as it's a title that sounds natural and makes sense for everybody to use in the game world ("Doctor," "Detective," "Captain" &c.). But I don't particularly care for naming my character in most games. If it's a WRPG where the illusion is that I'm playing as "me," that's one thing, but if it's a more "scripted," character-driven JRPG, or something like say The Legend of Zelda, I'm just going to name Link...Link.

In short, if the characters are preset characters with names, I'd rather the game just assume I'm using their names, avoiding any awkward workarounds. (Final Fantasy nerds, compare FFX and FFXIII.)

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Ryan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Promise Land of Trustafarians
 
2011-10-13, 15:56

Dear City of San Antonio,

What in the *hell* is a yellow flashing left arrow supposed to mean? These started appearing a month ago and no one knows what they actually indicate. This is compounded by the fact that they go to a solid green after the flashing yellow arrow.



So solid green means left-yield, what’s the difference between that and flashing yellow arrow? Left yield sorta? Every time I hit one of these I’m not sure if I’m supposed to slow down or speed up.
  quote
kieran
Tweeting @kierankelly
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: New York City
 
2011-10-13, 16:01

If I saw that, I would think that it means that the "left turn on green arrow" is about to end, kind of like the yellow light for a standar green.

The flashing yellow just would mean that it will soon be a standard green and you would have to yield to oncoming traffic to make the left.

Pretty odd though.
  quote
Ryan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Promise Land of Trustafarians
 
2011-10-13, 16:09

Quote:
Originally Posted by kieran View Post
If I saw that, I would think that it means that the "left turn on green arrow" is about to end, kind of like the yellow light for a standar green.

The flashing yellow just would mean that it will soon be a standard green and you would have to yield to oncoming traffic to make the left.

Pretty odd though.
The thing is with a flashing left yellow, it’s still a yield. Very few intersections here have protected lefts, just flashing yellow yield -> solid green yield -> solid yellow -> red -> flashing yellow yield.
  quote
chucker
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: near Bremen, Germany
Send a message via ICQ to chucker Send a message via AIM to chucker Send a message via MSN to chucker Send a message via Yahoo to chucker Send a message via Skype™ to chucker 
2011-10-13, 16:12

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan View Post
Dear City of San Antonio,

What in the *hell* is a yellow flashing left arrow supposed to mean? These started appearing a month ago and no one knows what they actually indicate. This is compounded by the fact that they go to a solid green after the flashing yellow arrow.



So solid green means left-yield, what’s the difference between that and flashing yellow arrow? Left yield sorta? Every time I hit one of these I’m not sure if I’m supposed to slow down or speed up.
Apparently, solid green means "left-yield", and flashing yellow means "left, but yield to oncoming traffic".
  quote
709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2011-10-13, 17:46

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan View Post
So solid green means left-yield . . .


"solid green" arrow to me means "get your ass moving this way right now" If I were to follow that and get T-boned you can be sure I'd be filing a lawsuit against the city for fucked-up signage and damage*.



*and mental anguish for turning my world upside-down, for years of therapy, paying for my driving license, having someone who knew all the answers take the semi-yearly tests, and rent-free living on the Riverwalk for my lifetime because, you know, the sound of water is soothing and would lessen my trauma. Hooray America!

So it goes.
  quote
Ryan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Promise Land of Trustafarians
 
2011-10-13, 17:56

Quote:
Originally Posted by 709 View Post


"solid green" arrow to me means "get your ass moving this way right now" If I were to follow that and get T-boned you can be sure I'd be filing a lawsuit against the city for fucked-up signage and damage*.
I agree that that would make sense. In the situation of a left turn, I suppose I’m used to solid green indicating yield and green arrow indicating a protected turn.

I guess this one is only meant to be used when your adjacent lanes have red lights? If so, someone needs to tell this city.

Making left turns here is so difficult I’ve restructured my drive to work to eliminate them. None of the intersections on any possible route between my apartment and job have protected left turns, so during rush hour you’re pretty much just not turning left.
  quote
709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2011-10-13, 18:59

Then I vote we hold every NASCAR race in San Antonio forever.
  quote
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