[jcoley2]

For those 24 fans, some one sent me this here which I thought was pretty funny (well, parts of it.) Hopefully it has not been posted before but a quick search did not reveal it:

Basic Truths About 24's Jack Bauer:

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then you better believe it's beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns don’t kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you are f***ing dead."

[Fahrenheit]

Replace Jack Bauer with Chuck Norris. Then I can say that you should use the search function.

[chucker]

The preview of season 6 was pretty lame. Let's hope the actual season is better.

[Brave Ulysses]

Originally Posted by chucker The preview of season 6 was pretty lame. Let's hope the actual season is better.

Review of the first 4 hours by the NYDailyNews so far makes it sound great.

I'm excited.

[Moogs]

I missed the first five seasons... what happened?



I have to say, some of those Jack Bauerisms are authentic as they clearly are geared to a world where terrorists don't even know about Chuck Norris.

If they did, they'd all turn straight and give up Islam. Jack would be flipping burgers as the CIA and other anti-terror agencies were downsized to just a few hundred people. Jack Bauer exists only because Chuck opted not to single-handedly destroy the studios where 24 is filmed, because you know... Chuck is a man for the people. He wants them to be happy watching their shows.

[spikeh]

Originally Posted by chucker The preview of season 6 was pretty lame. Let's hope the actual season is better.

Amen to that dude. I can't wait to see what hokey reason they have for Jack being forced to sacrifice himself for his country. If I were him, I'd just play the old, "But-I-saved-the-world-five-times-already" card and get out of it.

[Moogs]

Jack Bauer used to be happy... he used to play hockey. Now he just dies over and over mostly. Lesson: when choosing between hockey and national security, pick hockey.

[psmith2.0]

Last season (five, it sounds like?) was the first one I've ever really watched/followed. I'd seen bits and pieces of the other four up until then (and they're in syndication now, it seems).

But honestly, after that initial thrill of the hostage situation at Ontario airport, it just got more aggravating than anything. I know it's "real time" and all, and that things need to happen, but when characters are driving from one end of L.A. to the other in six minutes, it gets a little tiresome and insulting.



I think it's a big show about a lot of nothing...and I resent how they yank you around constantly. Nothing seems to happen for about 56 minutes, then, at the tail end of the hour, all hell totally breaks loose and just when you expect to see some action, violence, retribution, resolution, sex, mayhem, a showdown, etc., that damn digital clock comes up: 9:59:54...9:59:55...

Another week to wait. No thanks.

Bastards. I truly grew to despise the show in the final few episodes of last season, after constantly feeling monkeyed with.

And it strains believability to the max. That idiot's cell phone works EVERYWHERE...yeah right.



I hung with it for a season, and gave it an honest shot. I won't be watching again, and I hope those Chinese guys shoot him on that ship (but not before Kim Raver has a shower scene).

"24"...minutes. Season over.



I, on the other hand, am waiting for the new season of "The Shield" on FX. That's a show. True, genuine suspense and tension, heartbreaking stories and gutbusting laughs. Jack Bauer wishes he was the bad-ass that Vic Mackey is.

[Brave Ulysses]

Originally Posted by pscates2.0 Last season (five, it sounds like?) was the first one I've ever really watched/followed. I'd seen bits and pieces of the other four up until then (and they're in syndication now, it seems). But honestly, after that initial thrill of the hostage situation at Ontario airport, it just got more aggravating than anything. I know it's "real time" and all, and that things need to happen, but when characters are driving from one end of L.A. to the other in six minutes, it gets a little tiresome and insulting. I think it's a big show about a lot of nothing...and I resent how they yank you around constantly. Nothing seems to happen for about 56 minutes, then, at the tail end of the hour, all hell totally breaks loose and just when you expect to see some action, violence, retribution, resolution, sex, mayhem, a showdown, etc., that damn digital clock comes up: 9:59:54...9:59:55... Another week to wait. No thanks. Bastards. I truly grew to despise the show in the final few episodes of last season, after constantly feeling monkeyed with. And it strains believability to the max. That idiot's cell phone works EVERYWHERE...yeah right. I hung with it for a season, and gave it an honest shot. I won't be watching again, and I hope those Chinese guys shoot him on that ship (but not before Kim Raver has a shower scene). "24"...minutes. Season over. I, on the other hand, am waiting for the new season of "The Shield" on FX. That's a show. True, genuine suspense and tension, heartbreaking stories and gutbusting laughs. Jack Bauer wishes he was the bad-ass that Vic Mackey is.

Can you really find much better ENTERTAINMENT on tv nowadays? Nevermind on broadcast TV. Sure, a lot of it isn't practical and against logic, but it's TV.

(as for getting across parts of LA quick..... sure, it was too fast but half the episodes also had no traffic on the roads due to martial law being declared)

And the Shield....well.... whatever. I much preferred The Commish

24, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Myth Busters, Modern Marvels, Nova, and the New Yankee Workshop.... keeping TV alive one episode at a time

[Moogs]

You know every time I'm tempted to watch, I read a commentary like Paul's and remember why I never started in the first place. Thanks!

[psmith2.0]

Sorry, BU, but I just don't call "being yanked and toyed with for an hour" entertainment.

Well, not the kind of yanking/toying provided by "24".

To each their own.

I never saw "The Commish".

I do agree with your other choices...it appears we watch the same crap! Two geeks tacking urban legends, Norm in his workshop, etc.

[psmith2.0]

Originally Posted by Moogs You know every time I'm tempted to watch, I read a commentary like Paul's and remember why I never started in the first place. Thanks!

No problem, my man. I'm here to provide that kind of guidance.

[709]

Originally Posted by pscates2.0 Sorry, BU, but I just don't call "being yanked and toyed with for an hour" entertainment.

I do.

Oh...teevee, um...yeah. I like The Shield.

[torifile]

This will be the first season I watch as it's being broadcast. All 5 previous seasons we watched after downloading the episodes, so there was no "wait another week". It was great fun to spend a Friday night bingeing on 3 episodes of 24. It'll be interesting to see if having to wait a week at a time will kill the enjoyment.

[Brave Ulysses]

Originally Posted by pscates2.0 Sorry, BU, but I just don't call "being yanked and toyed with for an hour" entertainment. Well, not the kind of yanking/toying provided by "24". To each their own. I never saw "The Commish". I do agree with your other choices...it appears we watch the same crap! Two geeks tacking urban legends, Norm in his workshop, etc.

Last season was the first I have seen. I got caught by the opening episodes while at a relatives place. Before that I had always assumed it was crap since it was on Fox.

The 1st half of the season I found to be outstanding. The 2nd half I found to start to get annoying, especially the last few episodes. It's a difficult format for the producers to lock themselves into and it's problems stem from that.

It'll be interesting to see what happens but it's nice to have something somewhat exciting and entertaining to look forward to on Monday nights.

[Is it 1981?]

Originally Posted by Brave Ulysses It's a difficult format for the producers to lock themselves into and it's problems stem from that.

Seconded. I'm pretty bored of the concept now. When the BBC decided not to buy the rights to series three, I had to wait until it came out on DVD... I didn't think much of it, partly because the first half (smuggling the prisoner/ going undercover with the Mexicans etc) was sleep inducingly awful and predictable; partly because I think the series depends on the cliffhangers and the week-long wait until the next episode for the continuation; and partly due to Brave Ulysses reasoning above.

That said though, I haven't seen series four and five. And how far into the future is series six due to be set? I'm expecting robots running around going ape, lasering people to death.

Here's an introduction to series 5 by Charlie Brooker - I love this guy.

[chucker]

That season premiere has one of the most disgusting scenes I can imagine.

[spikeh]

Which one was it?

[chucker]

Heh. No, not sexually. Violently.

[Schnauzer]

yeah i lost 24 after the first 48 hours

[Majost]

Why wait?

[danielsza]

I'm watching them already... damn friend of mine that got me hooked on 24...