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A ninja spider vs. a ninja tapeworm: who wins?


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A ninja spider vs. a ninja tapeworm: who wins?
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Luca
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Join Date: May 2004
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2004-09-11, 16:37

I'm not posting a poll because this is meant to be an open discussion of an idea where people don't necessarily have a hard-and-fast opinion one way or the other. So... who would win, a ninja spider or a ninja tapeworm? This was a question raised by a friend of mine and we had quite the conversation last night about it. Some conditions:

1. If they were to actually fight each other, the spider would clearly win. So instead, the "winner" is determined by choosing which would perform better in a battery of ninja tasks.
2. The tapeworm doesn't just leech off of you like a normal one. Because he's a ninja tapeworm, you're basically dead the moment he crawls inside you. Same goes for the spider - he's a ninja spider, therefore one bite and you're dead.

My argument is that the spider would win. The reasons being that the spider is much more mobile than the tapeworm. The tapeworm does have the advantage of being completely undetectable when killing, but it takes some time to get inside a person. The spider, meanwhile, is NEARLY undetectable, and much faster. He can also hang from walls and ceilings, while the tapeworm's only advantage is the ability to crawl through even tighter spaces than the spider. As I see it, a ninja can't ONLY be good at killing. He has to be good at many things, and the spider has diverse areas of expertise vs. the tapeworm, who is a one-trick pony.

Discuss.
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DMBand0026
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2004-09-11, 16:40

It's gotta be the spider. No contest.

Edit:

You're right Luca, a ninja tapeworm has one trick, killing, the spider, he's more mysterious, he could be hiding a million things in those 8 legs. I'm assuming that the tapeworm could make real quick work of someone, but the spider would be more efficient about it, and in this day and age, it's all about efficiency.

Even though I don't think ninjas clean up after they mess up a bunch of people, a ninja spider could mop the floor (literally) with 4 legs, and mop the floor with someone (figuratively) with the other 4 legs. Tell me the advantages of a tapeworm. King Arthur doesn't count, cause he's like the only dude not venerable to outside attack.

And of course you've got to take arachnophobia into account. Everyone knows someone who's afraid of spiders. But who's afraid of tape worms? They'd just be like, what the heck is that? However, if a ninja spider waltzed into a room, he'd have the place running scared before he even lifted a leg.

Spiders, hands down.

Come waste your time with me

Last edited by DMBand0026 : 2004-09-11 at 16:59. Reason: Luca thinks my answer sucked ;)
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Luca
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2004-09-11, 16:42

Just a reminder... please try to post your reasons why one or the other would win. I want to get a healthy debate going!

Last edited by Luca : 2004-09-11 at 16:47.
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thegelding
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2004-09-11, 17:21

if the person you wish to kill is constantly on guard, a spider might not make it through the set defenses (motion being a killer in a motionless environment)...now if the ninja tapeworm is a mere egg that hatches and becomes deadly later inside the victims bowels, well a harmless glass of water or glass of ice tea becomes deadly and almost unstoppable


g

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everything is food if you chew hard enough
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EmC
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2004-09-11, 18:39

thegelding, are you assuming that tapeworms are born with the knowledge of its parents or is this a scientific fact? Another thing that may answer my question. Are these spiders and tapeworms trained to be ninjas or are they two new species?

?Taenia ninjanata?

?Araneus ninjastus?


What Adobe Updater‽ What‽ What‽ WHAT‽
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Luca
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2004-09-11, 19:03

If the ninja tapeworm were able to somehow encase itself in a tiny, undetectable egg - or rather, to lay tiny, undetectable eggs as a means of infiltration - it may well stand a chance. However, to suggest that there is actually some kind of "ninja tapeworm" species is utterly ridiculous. It's a tapeworm with ninja training vs. a spider with ninja training.

I did talk to one of my friends who brought up the conversation yesterday, and he told me that a tapeworm could cut itself up into many small pieces for infiltration, thus retaining the ninja training. I'm not sure if that's enough of an advantage to convince me that it would do better at various ninja tasks than a ninja spider, but it is something I hadn't considered.
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wretched
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2004-09-11, 19:30

I pick the Tape Worm, for two reasons. Everyone's aware of spiders and how they could be dangerous, but how many of you actually know how a tape worm looks like? When you see a worm, you just shrug it off and be like "oh... it's a worm." but when you see Spiders it's more like "What the... KILL IT!" So you're more aware of spiders, true they have 8 legs, fast and deadly, but that doesn't make it invincible

Starsky: "Do it."
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drewprops
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2004-09-11, 19:46

Not a lot of things to do in your town eh Luca?
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Luca
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2004-09-11, 20:34

I guess not. We had the conversation at a crappy restaurant ("Bennigans," same as Applebees/Chilis/TGI Fridays/whatever), then went home and drank Pina Coladas and some of this awful rose-petal vodka. Oh lord, that stuff is gross. It smells and tastes like hair spray. You have to chase it with something sweet (Fresca, in this case).

EDIT: I had another thought while typing this - as ninjas, they have to be willing and prepared to die at any time, or even willing to commit seppuku if they fail in their task. But a tapeworm can't perform seppuku through hara-kiri, because that would just result in the creation of a clone tapeworm.

But then I was thinking that perhaps the inability to do hara-kiri is a good thing, because it would make the tapeworm last longer. It wouldn't freak out and kill itself immediately the way the spider might. Also, it would force the tapeworm to use an even more badass way of killing himself, like immolation.
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Wickers
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2004-09-11, 23:36

The Tapeworm. . .

While the spider can (and will) quickly bit the tapeworm, the tapeworm is able to lose a bit of itself without having to worry about it... The tapeworm only gets faster as it loses parts of it's long body, and being a ninja parasite, the spider just might get infected while attacking the worm.

The main point is that if the spider loses a limb, it my have seven others but it will be off the ball. . . but if the tapeworm loses a portion of it's wormy body, it could not care less... it just keeps commin.

PS... just pulling this out of my ass because I feel that the tapeworm needs a bit more backup. . . hehe 'pull out of ass'. . .

no sig, how's that for being a rebel!
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alcimedes
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2004-09-11, 23:47

the tapeworm, no question.

if the tapeworm can cut itself into pieces, each of which is a clone of the initial tapeworm, the spider would stand no chance.

all the ninja tapeworm would need to do would be to place itself at any major food distribution plant. it could cut itself into ten pieces. each of those grow into a new tapeworm, with the same training. those 10 tapeworms then cut themselves into 10 more each, after regrowing.

now you have 100 tapworms. repeat another 40 or 400 times. now you have an army of tapeworms.

what's that do for you?

each tapeworm then goes on a food item. as any food item passes through the distribution center, a single tapework latches on. within weeks you'd have millions of tapeworms infecting millions of people.

instead of having the tapeworm go to the target, you have the target go to the tapeworm. and since you can't know who the target is going to be ahead of time, you just infect everyone. now each person would have a hidden, secret ninja tapeworm killer inside them, just waiting for the moment to strike and kill when necessary.

the spider? spider can only kill one person at a time. no contest.

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Caveat Emptor - Latin for tough titty
I tend to interpret things in the way that's most hilarious to me
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cyrusmekon
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2004-09-12, 05:16

Either would win against this ninja.

Shit this makes me laugh every time i watch it.

Elegant ninja

Enjoy.
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thuh Freak
Finally broke the seal
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2004-09-12, 13:04

Quote:
Originally Posted by rEAlULTImaTEpoWER
Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.

Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.

Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)
i'm inclined to think spiders would win. cuz tape-worm[z] can't fly, and have trouble stabbing.
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windowsblowsass
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2004-09-12, 13:08

Quote:
Originally Posted by thuh Freak
i'm inclined to think spiders would win. cuz tape-worm[z] can't fly, and have trouble stabbing.
i agree because tape worms have no arms how would they wail on guitars?
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Deadliest_Warrior/Spartan
 
 
2010-04-25, 23:26

Ninja spider, for sure. He's got venom and is more agile, and agility is the most necessary skill for a ninja. One bite, and that will be the tapeworm's last taste of blood
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billybobsky
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2010-04-26, 00:02

first post in a 5.6 year old thread bumped for wat?

spammer (my guess)
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Moogs
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2010-04-26, 09:52

It's a trick question. The answer is "neither". Jean Claude wins. He is more powerful (and a better singer) than any ninja.


...into the light of a dark black night.
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