Formerly Roboman, still
awesome Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
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How about just,
Don't burn books. I mean, I wouldn't mind if people organized burnings of my book, because it would mean I had achieved a certain level of popularity — based on my experience, fundies don't notice anything until it's an unavoidable pop culture phenomenon, which they of course view with great suspicion. But burning books just make you look bad, always. And also not very intelligent, since you're buying the books to burn them, thus financially supporting whatever it is you're protesting against... If you really want to be an asshole Moral Guardian, pressuring stores into not carrying the book makes more sense as a form of protest. You'd still look bad (why are you so afraid of the free exchange of ideas?), but at least you wouldn't be essentially donating money to whatever you're protesting. HTH! Robo <3 <3 and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Mel-Bun!
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Dear Tradespeople:
We love you, we need you, we give you lots of money to do things we can't or won't do ourselves. We also know that you're generally super busy. However, when making arrangements with clients, especially those who are deaf and can't just pick up the phone to call you, please be aware that 2 pm is not "sometime in the morning". I am still waiting for you to show up. I have had to cancel my Sunday afternoon plans because at this point I have no idea when or even if you're going to bother to show up today. I also have an increasingly antsy dog who really would rather chase a ball in the park than sit at home with me. When you do arrive what are the chances you'll give me a discount for time lost while waiting for you? Probably none. But it would be nice. Waiting in hope SB Specialists are people who know more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing. Generalists are people who know less and less about more and more until they know nothing about everything. I'm somewhere in the middle. |
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Member
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Dear throat,
No more coughing up blood, please. It makes it really hard to sleep. Thank you so much, Kael |
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Formerly Roboman, still
awesome Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
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Dear Microsoft:
Kinect aside, you actually have been sort of not sucking lately! You just announced Mac support for your surprisingly solid mobile platform, you finally put WiFi in the Xbox, and you're making Outlook for Mac to boot. Keep up the good work! However, for a company as large and fucked up as Microsoft, there's always room for improvement! Here's five simple things you should do. 1. Overhaul Internet Explorer. IE is your iTunes: it sucks and has no friends. iTunes sucks in part because Apple is increasingly building a media player into a store instead of the other way around, but there's really no reason for IE to suck. It's not like you makes more money by not using WebKit, like everybody else. And for heaven's sake, drop "Internet" from the name already. "Explorer" is evocative and memorable. "Internet Explorer" just gets abbreviated to "IE." 2. Make Zune for Mac. 3. Cut the "Windows Live" bullshit. There's nothing Windows-specific about Windows Live Hotmail. There's nothing "Live" about Windows Live Movie Maker. It's okay to build on the Xbox Live brand for your Windows web services, but you have to do it in a way that the average consumer can understand. Why not use Windows Live as a paid Mobile Me-style service? That's what "Live" suggests to me. Scale the brand back to four or five key services that work well, and sell it for $60/year. 4. Take the "Windows Live Essentials" home productivity suite, make it not suck, and sell it. It's bizarre that Apple beat you guys to the "Microsoft Office for the rest of your life" thing. 5. Take the Bing logo out back and shoot it. Not really yours truly but maybe yours partially if you do some of these things, Robo Edit: P.S. Change the name of Windows Embedded Compact 7 to something friendlier, like "Windows Light" or "Windows Pad." How did Windows Embedded Compact 7 actually become a product name, seriously? Who actually read that and said, "Sounds good!" Fire that guy. and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong Last edited by Robo : 2010-10-13 at 03:16. |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago
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is the next Chiquita
Join Date: Feb 2005
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<nitpick>Well, they would probably want to point out that it's Windows Explorer, and besides, it was supposedly originally one product - remember the fiasco over the bundling of IE several years ago?</nitpick>
I think "Exploder" is a good name, though. |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2004
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Dear Self:
Stop taking on more than you can handle, you twit. You have a 10-hour-a-day job, a 60 mile commute, you're in two bands, and you have no free time. All last week you didn't get home before 11 PM every single night, so your dog, who loves you so much, was alone for 16 hours every day. And guess what? Now I'm going into overdrive with creative shit. I want you to write songs, I want you to write stories, and what are you doing with that? You're writing at work, which means you can't do actual work, so you're falling behind on projects. The hell is wrong with you? Where is your sense of self preservation? You are a huge mess. You love to do too many things, and we are still living on a planet that has a 24 hour cycle, and you have to sleep for a third of that. And when you don't get enough sleep, I get cranky. You know what happens when I get cranky? That's right, I mess with the inner ear just so you fall down for no reason. How you like me now? This is not a sustainable ecosystem you've created for us. Fix it or I will make your face look like this: Love, Your Brain |
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Formerly Roboman, still
awesome Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
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Quote:
In fact, I think Microsoft might even be preparing for just such a rebranding for IE 10. Here are the new IE9 logos, notice anything different about the new logo's treatment of the word "Internet"? It's smaller and separated from "Explorer," which is emphasized. Which only makes sense. After all, the logo is an "e," not an "i." If you're arguing for an IE rebranding you're essentially arguing for it to adopt the name "Explorer;" the e icon has too much equity for Microsoft to dream of abandoning it. Microsoft will probably drop the "Internet" to "rejuvenate the brand" with a "change event" when they're suitably desperate, just as they rebranded Windows Mobile to Windows Phone. and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong |
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Formerly Roboman, still
awesome Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
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By the way, here's a LifeHacker article saying everything I've been saying forever. (Vindication!)
"Live Drive," "Live Share," "Live Sync," and "Live Care." That's all you really need, if that. That's something people can actually, y'know, grasp. This is just ridiculous. and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Dear eBay,
I'm trying to find tan suits for a Halloween costume. So I searched for that under the "Men's Suits and Tuxedos", then sorted by price from low to high, because I'm thrifty like that. I would love to know what in the fuck the purpose of the "Men's Nude Enhancer Sling" is and how it ended up in the Suits & Tuxedos section. Baffled, amused, and mildly scandalized, me Seen a man standin' over a dead dog lyin' by the highway in a ditch He's lookin' down kinda puzzled pokin' that dog with a stick |
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Dark Cat of the Sith
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Dear Steak 'n Shake:
I am very pleased with your fine establishment. Your website's menu prominently lists a link to the allergen information, which so many restaurants do not do. This is a godsend for those of us with food allergies. Thanks to your menu, I knew that the Steakburger Bun contained whey, so that when I went to my local one, I could get a triple steakburger without the bun and thus avoid any allergy problems. I will always patronize a company that provides me with accurate and comprehensive allergen information over a company that hides pdfs somewhere in weird back corners of the website. Thank you for being conscientious about my health by visibly posting your allergen information. Sincerely, Capella (P.S. the steakburger and fries are awesome, dudes.) "A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder |
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Selfish Heathen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
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Dear Steak 'n Shake:
Frisco melt? You are gods. Gaaarrggghh... Brad |
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Ice Arrow Sniper
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Dear Steak 'n Shake:
You brought back the Caramel Apple Milkshake. We had a deal - if I drop 30 pounds, you bring in a healthier option, like more yogurt smoothies. I hate and love you. Regards, Rowdy's waistline Authentic Nova Scotia bagpipe innards |
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Dark Cat of the Sith
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Oh god I think I started a trend.
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Lord of the Rant.
Formerly turtle2472 Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Upstate South Carolina
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You are.
It really is a great place to get food. Really. If you have the chance to stop by one it is worth it. I'll give you a cookie though since you're so left out. Louis L'Amour, “To make democracy work, we must be a nation of participants, not simply observers. One who does not vote has no right to complain.” Visit our archived Minecraft world! | Maybe someday I'll proof read, until then deal with it. |
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Formerly “AWM”
Join Date: May 2009
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Your arteries are thrilled you never heard of them!!
The above mentioned frisco melt is 750 calories (480 from fat) , 53g of fat (17g sat. fat) and 95mg of cholesterol. Throw in fries and it gets even scarier. |
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Lord of the Rant.
Formerly turtle2472 Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Upstate South Carolina
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You say that as though it isn't worth it.
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Selfish Heathen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
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Veteran Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Dear Condé Nast cafeteria,
I'm fully supportive of your move to serve Thanksgiving dinner almost a month early. Especially when it's at the level of deliciousness you achieved yesterday. love, sated Seen a man standin' over a dead dog lyin' by the highway in a ditch He's lookin' down kinda puzzled pokin' that dog with a stick |
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@kk@pennytucker.social
Join Date: Jan 2005
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Dear Apple,
I was more than willing to pay you $300 if you would have just given me the white iPhone 4 like I asked. I know they exist, there are pictures. Now, I will have my iPhone 3G soldier on until the iPhone 5 comes out. It's going to be a long wait... -K No more Twitter. It's Mastodon now. |
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@kk@pennytucker.social
Join Date: Jan 2005
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Dear Apple,
As surprised as some people may be, I'm still holding out for the white iPhone. I will be extremely upset if for any reason the white iPhone is a Verizon exclusive. There is no way for me to switch carriers and even though I wouldn't be upgrading anyway, I'll still be upset. Just please have a white iPhone ready for the summer. Thanks. -KK No more Twitter. It's Mastodon now. |
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Member
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Dear Senator Jim Alesi,
I know you must be going through a stressful time right now. A situation like this always brings with it a great deal of expense, adversity, and media scrutiny. And maybe it's not my place to be a Monday-morning quarterback. But in the interest of averting future calamity, I wanted to take a few minutes to suggest several points where an alternative decision may save you some grief.
M.E. Last edited by Kaelri : 2011-01-23 at 21:00. |
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Avast!
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New York?
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Dear New York City Apartment Application Process,
Is your maxim: "know thyself, applicant?" Because, truly, you require more information about me than I know about myself. You require more information than Google, or Wolfram Alpha, or Watson, or whatever latest-greatest information hungry DATASUCK is currently in vogue. My W-2s for the past three years, my signed tax returns for the past two, my last six pay stubs, every address I've lived at in the last six years, four professional references and two personal ones, two guarantors, photocopies of our IDs, a letter from my employer, and a reference from my last landlord. I wish that I were kidding. I mean, really? But you crossed the line when you said you needed the first two pages of MY BROTHER'S W-2. How about my wedding photos or my medical file to make sure I'm really married and I won't die in the apartment? Maybe you could come by my office and watch me work for the day, to make sure I am sufficiently motivated to maintain my current levels of compensation. PERHAPS A RECTAL EXAM WOULD SATISFY YOU. I hope this is the last time I deal with you. I hope this tiny, tiny, tiny apartment is worth it. And I hope that with a little bit of magic and a reanimated corpse, you can use everything you now know about me to put together a working replica of me who will take care of all of this paperwork. Screw you, Process, zsummers "How could you falter / when you're the Rock of Gibralter? / I had to get off the boat so I could walk on water. / This ain't no tall order. / This is nothing to me. / Difficult takes a day. / Impossible takes a week." |
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Formerly Roboman, still
awesome Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
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Dear slightly bearish guy who drives an orange classic Beetle convertible even in the rain and sometimes comes to the restaurant I hang out at and always sits alone and quietly texts on an old cheap flip phone,
I think you and your car are adorable. I wish I could let you know. -the guy with the iPad and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong |
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M AH - ch ain saw
Join Date: May 2004
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Dear christ,
Welcome to AN! -Maciej Although I'm not sure whether he's likely or unlikely to respond. |
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Selfish Heathen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
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The new guy is actually a coworker of mine, Chris T. |
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Stallion
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Milwaukee
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Dear Sprint,
We want the iPhone. You want to compete with the big boys? Get the iPhone 5. Make it available on SERO, too. Forever yours... faithfully... so long as there's an iPhone, Partial ...and calling/e-mailing/texting ex-girlfriends on the off-chance they'll invite you over for some "old time's sake" no-strings couch gymnastics... Last edited by Partial : 2011-03-04 at 15:00. |
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Formerly Roboman, still
awesome Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
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I fully expect Sprint to offer the iPhone 5. But:
Not. Gonna. Happen. But you might be able to get an iPhone mini on Virgin Mobile's Beyond Talk, which is sorta the same thing, right? Just, y'know, with fewer minutes, and no roaming, and no device discount... and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong |
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Rocket Surgeon
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The Canadark
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Might be able to get an unannounced handset on a network that doesn't sell iPhones at present?
That's a lot of "might". |
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