¡Damned!
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
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I figured with Labor Day coming up and all a few of us will make the trip to some kind of amusement park. Standing in line, screaming kids, pushy parents, etc. 'Tis the spice of American life. So, before I end up beating you senseless with the stuffed SpongeBob I just won, let's all remind ourselves of The 31 Amusement Park Canons, shall we?
From here. I laughed out loud a few times, myself. Good stuff. So it goes. |
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Formerly Roboman, still
awesome Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
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It's so true.
(But I did do the Old West montage thing. But it was with my graduating class on our senior trip, so I guess it was okay.) and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2004
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Oh god, yeah. I used to love the fair rides as a kid. (No permanent parks anywhere near us, just carnivals coming through town for events. 'Permanent carnies' is just a sad oxymoron, IMO.)
The fun thing is, I don't get motion sickness. I just don't. I would egg everyone else on to every insane ride we could come up with, insist we needed as much bad, greasy food crammed down our gullets as we could stand, and then haul everyone back up the rides again. Repeat until only one standing. Ah, good times... good times... |
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Going Strange...
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Brooklyn, NY
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Of course - and I realize that whether or not a Disney park is an "amusement park" in the contemporarily defined sense of the term is definitely a matter for debate - there can be good meals had at the Disney parks. Particularly the ones in Asia. Last edited by Engine Joe : 2006-08-22 at 15:25. |
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¡Damned!
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
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I'm a total Elephant Ear guy.
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Thunderbolt, fuck yeah!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Denmark
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I haven't been at any amusement parks lately, but I do like the rides that shake you around in all sorts of stupid directions just to make you feel like you high on something illegal. |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2004
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Mr. Vieira
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
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That was a funny article/list. I enjoyed it...and it's all so true.
We actually have our very own amusement park right here in town, just across the Georgia border (yeah, the front page says "Chattanooga, TN", but that's just because nobody has any idea where "Rossville, GA" is (and, I realize, Chattanooga isn't much higher up on recognition). It's literally a mile over the border, so it's just easier to attach it to Chattanooga, and hope for the best. Been around forever...I've got pics of me as a toddler there, riding little kiddie rides and so forth. Supremely cute, I have to say. And I was having the time of my life. I haven't been in a gazillion years (except for a few concerts...see below), but the past few times I went to actually ride the rides and take in the entire park (my mid-teens, probably?) it was quite the shithole. The only place where you can see 11-year-olds bumming cigarettes from their dads (who are, themselves, only 24 years old). And the sightings of "there's no way she's pregnant...she's still in a stroller herself!!!" are legendary. Sadly, seems recently it has become a thug/shithead hangout, resulting in some "violence" about two years ago, which led to a "everyone under the age of 28 must be accompanied by an adult" ruling. So that means granny has to get involved now. Entire generations (3-5, all under 60 years old) go there now for a day of family fun. But it's where most people from around here got their first smooch, or glimpse of Previously Unseen Gold (in the form of a breast or nipple). Undoubtedly it's where many lit their first cig - I kind you not, it's like a Marlboro convention came to town and never left - and the prizes and "souvenirs" are just this side of "you've got to be kidding me". "Hey, anywhere else, something this oddly shaped, purple and nubby would be called a 'marital aid'...but I got by rocking the ring toss! Guess I'll hang it from my rear view mirror...". And, now that I think about it, there's no telling how many of my fellow Chattanoogans were conceived in the pitch black, walk-through "scary house". Not sure how "scary" pitch black rates...not seeing anything at all for 10 minutes is unnerving, sure. Scary? I don't know. Granted, these are all my memories from 15-20 years ago...I'm sure it's much, much worse. Oh, and the BEST part: during the summer, for $1 (the cost of admission to the park) there was the "Concerts in the Park" series. Now, while I've seen some good acts there (Carlene Carter, Asleep at the Wheel, Bo Diddley, Marty Stuart, etc.), it's usually one of two extremes: those that are so new and "up and coming" that no one's ever heard of them. OR, on the flip-side, acts that are so old and "has-been" that - you guessed it - no one's ever heard of them. But hey, it's $1.00...so beggars can't really squawk, can they? And smoking is allowed. In fact, I'm fairly certain it's encouraged: babies, toddlers, grade-schoolers...smoke 'em if you've got 'em. So if you want to see otherwise well-mannered middle-aged women fall all over themselves to catch Travis Tritt's eye, then you've come to the right place. But it's always a good sound system, and the performers do stick around afterwards to sign autographs and meet their fans. Try that at one of your pussy arena rock shows...Steven Tyler is already back in the limo, two miles from the venue and engaging in God knows what, before the lights fully come on. So it's our own little fun paradise, right in our backyard...anyone growing up within 50 miles of Chattanooga has been. They've lived and loved there, maybe lost their virginity, maybe got into their first fight. And, from what I gather here lately, might've bought their first gun or crack rock there. God bless these modest acres of thrills and chills... |
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feeling my oats
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now corndogging it with mayo, that would be a dirty phrase g crazy is not a rare human condition everything is food if you chew hard enough |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2004
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Senior Member
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Now I want to go the Great Adventure (Six Flags for you non-Northeasterns). They have some really fun rides and as the article suggests it might be, the people watching is insane. I always wonder how all of those kids afford to be in that park.
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Mr. Vieira
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
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Yeah, Atlanta's Six Flags is the big amusement destination (when the local place just isn't enough ).
And right before I moved back here from California, my friend and I spent the day at Six Flags Magic Mountain, north of L.A. We got completely sick from all the coasters we rode, sadly realizing "we're not 16 anymore" (we hit every single one, many twice), and arguing about who had to drive back to San Diego. I was too woozy and sick, and so was she. It was a long, long trip home (slowly cruised home at 45-50mph in the far right lane, heads leaning against the window) and we didn't feel 100% normal again until mid-afternoon the next day. Ugh... |
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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¡Damned!
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
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Heh. Paul, your story reminds me of a little place I used to go to as a kid. It was the Big Thing back in the day. Basically, it was a bunch of permanent carnie booths and carnie rides, some bumper cars and...wait for it...a deer petting zoo. Deer Park Funland™. The height of thrills back in those days. Some guy eventually bought the place, and the entire county practically shit themselves when he added a corkscrew rollercoaster back in the late 70's. The Big Time!
I haven't been there in a decade and a half, but I guess it's doing quite well now (sans the deer and with a much needed name change) since I see they add a ride every so often via the teevee. [edit]: Well waddaya know. Someone in BFE is smart enough to use the internets and build a wiki page: Michigan's Adventure : 2 Parks for the Price of 1!!! So it goes. |
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Mr. Vieira
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
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I've not had a corndog in 10 years (and I'm not meaning that in any dirty kind of way either, smartasses).
Maybe that'll be my dinner tonight. I'll totally revert to my childhood: corndog, tater-tots some red Kool-Aid and a pack of candy cigarettes for an after-dinner "smoke"... |
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Mr. Vieira
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
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Less likely to fly apart and kill 45 people, I guess. But it'll always be one of those places you kinda look at like if you're smart. |
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Antimatter Man
Join Date: May 2004
Location: that interweb thing
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You must be THIS TALL to go on this ride...
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Mr. Vieira
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
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She has a ghost hand.
And big ol' titties. Sorry...that's childish of me. |
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feeling my oats
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you think her "ghost" hand is interesting? you should see what her other hand is doing...
childish of me also g |
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superkaratemonkeydeathcar
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Anyone old enough to remember the burlesque shows on the midway?
On stage they had these awfully colored drapes and would bring the girls out to tease the audience and the barker would fill the air with double entendre. It was quite exotic. My mother would always be the freak show tester she would pay the 50¢ and go in the booth and see "Spermela, half woman, half whale spawned, in a nuclear blast! YOU WON"T BELIEVE YOUR EYES!" I remember putting a dollar bill on the color on a spinning wheel and winning my father a carton of luckies. I remember another wheel that they would release a mouse and if he went in the right colored hole on the wheel you'd win a prize. I remember with joy my brother promising to run off with the carnies and be out of my life forever, I also remember my sadness when he climbed in to the lower bunk that night. Six Flags & Disney just doesn't cut it for me after feasting my eyes on such things as a small child. "What's a Canadian farm boy to do?" |
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Hates the Infotainment
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
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Man that list is Six Flags to a T.
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2004
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I was at Hershey Park a couple times this summer and can pretty much remember at least one specific example of every item on that list (far more than one when it comes to girls in bikinis and fat people in tiny clothes). Of course, I have to admit that I have been known to sometimes be the dork from #5.
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