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What's the funniest SPAM you have got?


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What's the funniest SPAM you have got?
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scratt
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: M-F: Thailand Weekends : F1 2010 - Various Tracks!
Send a message via Skype™ to scratt 
2006-06-21, 11:09

I just got this today from this company..

Quote:
ALLWAY GROUP CO LTD is first-class industry and trade company in china ,we specializing in promotion item &fashional product.we have several export factory in zhejiang and guangdong province,with perfect quality and excelent develop ablity,we serveice for many famous brand and sold to more than 20 countries.
I loathe SPAM. So am not likely to find it funny.. Not when I get hundreds every day..
But this one just made me laugh... and so redressed the balance somewhat..
I am not sure it's meant to be funny, but then how could you not laugh at the 'Crazy Fitness Massage Fat Losing Machine'.. Which apparently vibrates your feet..

Only US$150!

http://www.extremesportscafe.com/hos...e/unknown2.jpg

I mean, like, is this fur real?

'Remember, measure life by the moments that take your breath away, not by how many breaths you take'
Extreme Sports Cafe | ESC's blog | scratt's blog | @thescratt
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Fahrenheit
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
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2006-06-21, 11:11

You know the routine: Order 10,000 of them to some fake address.
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pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2006-06-21, 12:07

The pic is probably "actual size".

I hate spam, junk mail and telemarketing calls. If I want something, I'll seek it out and ask for it. Leave me ALONE.

And I really get offended at the sleazy, dishonest aspect of spam...the whole "MAKE $10,000 WHILE YOU RELAX IN THE TUB!" and "ADD 4-6 INCHES OVERNIGHT...SHE'LL THANK YOU FOR IT!" idiocy. And how they don't even come out and say they're spamming you...instead they create headers that make it sound like you're hearing from a friend:

"Missed you the other night...how was the movie?", from a name that is vaguely familiar. So you think "well I was at the movie three nights ago; maybe this is what's-her-name I met at Border's last weekend..." and you click it and your eyes are violated by: "BULK VIAGRA AT 94% DISCOUNT!!!!!!!!!!! ORDER TODAY!!!!"



If you're gonna make your living as a sleazebag huckster and flim-flam shithead, at least have the decency and courage to present yourself that way up front.
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colivigan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
 
2006-06-21, 12:18

I sometimes get a kick out of the ones that are complete gibberish but somehow (more or less) syntactically correct. I guess they must have a purpose, perhaps tracking bounces to validate target email addresses? I can't think of any other reason for this.

Quote:
The husband, whose name was Thomas Benjamin, had taken out his advantage. We all entered warmly into these views; and I may I hope your poor horse was not tired, when he got home at night, responsibility. To this, I added the suggestion, that I should better acquainted with me than to suppose me capable of doing what encountered with my aunt in the streets of the city. a yard-measure in a little house, and a work-box with a picture of salary excepted until Peggotty should cease to present herself. Traddles, it will be on the same errand for yourself. And I hope this term of absence - with one reservation. I have made it, thus I dont know how it is, Agnes; I seem to want some faculty of mind would hear of no such immolation on the altar of friendship, and we and affecting dignity than the plain old Doctor did.
After a moments survey of me, the sharp-looking lad decided to let Are you happy now, you foolish boy? says Dora, and sure you His voice, more and more faltering in the utterance of these words, subject I could discuss with Agnes, and Agnes certainly had not the bow, and had received it with infinite condescension. coming. THERES a babby for you, in the form of a Sea Porkypine. I will not, said Mrs. Micawber, finishing her punch, and Yes, with the same hasty gesture as before, I stopped an empty.
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World Leader Pretend
Ruling teh World
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Boston, MA
 
2006-06-21, 13:46

Quote:
Originally Posted by UncleJohn's Quote
Sea Porkypine

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Ebby
Subdued and Medicated
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Over Yander
Send a message via AIM to Ebby  
2006-06-21, 14:11

My cat had an offer for 7 free panties and 15 pounds of ground beef.
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murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2006-06-21, 14:29

Quote:
I will not, said Mrs. Micawber, finishing her punch, and Yes, with the same hasty gesture as before, I stopped an empty.
That sounds like the ninja move I did this one time at a party.

I hate drunks that throw their empties.

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murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2006-09-08, 09:51

I just got a spam e-mail about a great stock opportunity, and the subject got a chuckle out of me:

He was pulling my ears.

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pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2006-09-08, 09:59

Most of the spam I get, the subject line is random, goofy nonsense. Or things that have been badly translated, I assume? Sometimes pretty funny, but mostly annoying (because it's SPAM!!!)

The other night I was up a bit later than usual, and I came across Leno. He was showing items from the .99¢ store, most made in China or places like that. So the translations/instructions or even the tagline or come-on to various products just had me rolling (certainly wasn't Leno's doing, mind you).

I can't remember any of them, but you could tell they'd try to match an English phrase and just used super strict translation, so when it comes back in English, the slang or jargon we're used to is using more formal definiations or words, so it was hilarious. Two or three of them had me laughing so hard my face was hurting.



Think "all your base are..." x50. Just horrible grammar, weird, inappropriate words, complete nonsense, etc.

Lots of the spam I receive is that way as well.

"You are, to the please I be, for you fortune awaiting of this" and so on.
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hflomberg
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Denver, Colorado
 
2006-09-08, 14:22

I don't need to check this - I'm going to be getting a lot of money from Nigeria real soon!
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Banana
is the next Chiquita
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
 
2006-12-15, 11:59

*bump*

This made me go

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luke Keller (instinctiveintoxication's@abody.freeserve.co.uk)
Stable Company!

Fueled by the possibility of an upcoming merger, Wild Brush
Energy (WBRS) is gearing up for an explosion. Tension is
building and soon the scramble to take a position will push
this one off the charts.

Wild Brush Energy
Symbol: WBRS
Current Price: $0.048
Short Term Target: $0.10
Long Term Target: $0.80

WBRS is engaged in some of the most lucrative gas regions in North
America. Major discoveries are happening all the time and WBRS is in
the thick of it.

With the array of drilling projects Wild Brush has going on at the moment
tension is building. As the drilling gets closer to completion insiders are
accumulating ahead of that major discovery announcement.

Wild Brush Energy are very stable working company.
Charts are proving this words.
And now it will get to new level.
We expect big price increase next several days.
Price will start to rise Firday, December 15 2006.
We hope you already get this one and will make money with us.
I don't know where to start... so many things wrong and funny about it.
  quote
Luca
ಠ_ರೃ
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2006-12-15, 12:03

Best spam message I've ever gotten, bar none, was one with the title "vault chicks."

Being a huge nerd, I immediately imagined porn based around the female characters in the game Fallout. Which is very strange because it's an old game with low-resolution sprites. But honestly, what else would you think of?
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Yontsey
*AD SPACE FOR SALE*
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
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2006-12-15, 12:24

HAHA, i got this message via our band's Myspace site today. This is classic.

Quote:
Hello

How are u doing today? I'm so glad you could have the chance to write me so we can know each other better...I read all u wrote about urself and i most say that it really nice u have such a sense of humor and the honesty u have inside of u..
Well i just want u to know that am really in great interst to know more about u and what u looking for out of all this..(online dating).

Tell me what u would like to know about me cos right now am not in the states..I left the states some weeks back on a business trip but not sure yet when i will be back due to the mess am facing now .Am really hurt cos me and my mom are both stuck and stranded at the hospital africa after she was shot by robbers and we having probelm geting back home...

Am so confused now and i really need help in getting back home.It been days now and my mom is still in pain and really needs more treatment back in the states and i really need help in flying her back home cos after we got robbed we had nothing on us ....Plz Dear i will be so glad if u can help me and my mom outta of here asap plz.You can write me back to my personal email address cos i dont check this account all the time ... lovinjoyce25@yahoo.com
I will be waiting to hear back from u soon and what u think about talking more futher...

Joyce
im thinking i should email her my credit card information immediately so i can get her and her mother and who ever else wants to come over from africa.

Die young and save yourself....
@yontsey
  quote
scratt
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: M-F: Thailand Weekends : F1 2010 - Various Tracks!
Send a message via Skype™ to scratt 
2006-12-15, 12:36

It's alright I already did. Turns out she's loaded and all I need to do is help her get some money out of a secret bank account that her father used to hold...

She has the numbers for the account but needs to transfer the money via me in order to avoid it being traced as it leaves the country, as the current government see her as a political dissident and will try to sieze her familys assets..

I am going to leave my wife and run away with her once I've helped her get all her money out of Africa. She just charged a hire car to me and I've wired her some cash to pay for a telex to release the funds into my account.... Seemed a bit expensive at US$10,000, but then it's not everyday you get US$10,000,000,000,000 transferred to your personal account! Heck, even if I jsut keep it for a day I'll make out like a bandit on the interest!

Can't wait till she gets back... and we can live our dream together.... Hope her Mum's nice..

Do you want me to see if she has any sisters?

'Remember, measure life by the moments that take your breath away, not by how many breaths you take'
Extreme Sports Cafe | ESC's blog | scratt's blog | @thescratt
  quote
Yontsey
*AD SPACE FOR SALE*
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
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2006-12-15, 12:41

twins would be nice.....
  quote
Sauvblanc
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Mel-Bun!
 
2006-12-15, 13:01

Best spam I ever got was one of those 409 scams. Except the deceased who apparently left behind $11 million had the same name as I did. No kidding.

I was soooooooo tempted to write and say "Hey, I'm still alive and I want my money back!!"

Specialists are people who know more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing. Generalists are people who know less and less about more and more until they know nothing about everything. I'm somewhere in the middle.
  quote
Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2006-12-15, 18:26

Some people from Edmonton complain about receiving this one a lot:

Quote:
Tired of being compared to Murbot and never stacking up? Wish you could drink beer like a man and tell your new girlfriend off when she watches too much Oprah? Visit our site now to learn about our all new Ninja Suppositories!



Guaranteed to help you get your head out of your ass, fast!
  quote
murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2007-01-05, 18:12

Nice, Moogs. I missed that one.

I just got this gem:

Quote:
yammi +)
http://directly.idocuf.info/?activated=105&user=gQihdm
Drunk mommas showing their ass f* cKing skills to stupid young guys.


This had great importance in racial survival, but had very stultifying effects on individual personality I am thinking of one woman and the rest is blotto M., I'd have it done by five-thirty QBUaChsa
Getting clear of the walled refinery town presented no problem, since the few sentries were looking for trouble only from the outside
"What did you do to me
Nobody wants you to put your hand in his sacred entrails - that's only for the priest in the hour of sacrifice
  quote
Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2007-01-05, 18:14

Heheh. Confucius say: too much prOn is bad for the inbox.
  quote
Barto
Student extraordinaire
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canberra, Australia
 
2007-01-05, 18:36

I get Japanese spam for some reason... I once got spam offering to send me fake paychecks so my wife wouldn't leave me.

Pity I'm not Japanese, in the workforce, or married.

The sky was deep black; Jesus still loved me. I started down the alley, wailing in a ragged bass.
  quote
colivigan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
 
2008-03-14, 17:57

Bump.

I've been getting a bunch of Russian spam lately. WTF? Do they think I can read Russian?

Also, the male enhancement spam seems to be on the rise again, after subsiding for a while.

But this one made me laugh, because my first thought was that Drew had become a spammer.

Quote:
Subject: Teeny booty drenched in malt liquor clavierists

tamarinds! ennoblement coconspirator jampani. psammophytic blueprinted encephalitis=) kemb gathering thoracomelus multitarian spizzerinctum! cravenly spikenard felicities. embryoferous superbest synthesizer lysing magniloquently recognizee.
ureylene syrma gonoblastidium overfears, demolitionary prickier genitourinary.. skyway posthumus. meatloaf platycelian underreamer embrocating
pubescence dance..

harpylike okthabah
popeye flaunters irrestrainable sinuous brigadiership dirtying overinvolving
alkalimeter metastatic!
Seriously, what is the point of this? There was a link in the original message, but they didn't do a very good job of persuading me to click on it.
  quote
thegeriatric
geri to my friends
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Heaven
 
2008-03-14, 18:20

Quote:
Originally Posted by pscates2.0 View Post

If you're gonna make your living as a sleazebag huckster and flim-flam shithead, at least have the decency and courage to present yourself that way up front.
I thought I always did.
  quote
Banana
is the next Chiquita
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
 
2008-03-14, 18:26

Out of interest- do anybody know of anybody else who actually has bought anything from spam?

I find it hard to believe that spams is 100% ineffective at getting sales for their products or else they wouldn't be spamming...
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Yontsey
*AD SPACE FOR SALE*
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
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2008-05-10, 10:21

Here is the 2nd one like this I have received through Facebook after posting my Firebox on there a while ago in the Marketplace area.

Quote:
nitialy i will like you to email me back to this email addreess now,
lovecaring95@yahoo.com
I'm ok with the price for the item. I'll be using this opportunity to let you understand that you'll be receiving the payment in mode of check from my client and the amount you'll be receiving will be more than the item fees. Like i told you i'm purchasing on behalf of my client and the excess payment is my own commission with the money i'll need to pay for our shipping company. So i want you to promise me that you are so honest to deduct just the amount for the item and send the excess money through westernunion as soon as you receive the payment from my client. The payment will be sent immediately you agree with me to deduct just the amount for the item and send the balance through any WESTERN UNION OFFICE well known to you and you'll be receiving it the next day. &n bsp; one more time i want you to get back to me with this email addreess to day lovecaring95@yahoo.com
There won't be any problem about the shippment. I'll be handling that with my DHL# so i want you to get back to me asap now with your full mailing information. Email me your full name, address and phone# now if you agree and assure me that you'll deduct just the amount for the item and send the balance through WESTERN UNION so that the payment can be sent immediately.
Notice i want you to go and end the auction for me i would end it by my self but i dont know i to do it if u can do that for me i will adding $10 to your payment
Here is the email addreess yiou have to email me back now
lovecaring95@yahoo.com

Below are the questions i have for you.

1)is the item in good condition?

2)is any WESTER NUNION location where you can send the balance money arround you?

3)can you make sure you get the payment cashed at your bank the sameday you receive it?

4)can you allow me to send DHL for the pick up and complete the transaction the day you receive the
check?

If yes to all my questions, kindly email me back your full name, address and mobile# asap today

i want you to email me ur full name and addreess
YOU CAN EMAIL ME BACK TO THIS EMAIL ADDREESS NOW
lovecaring95@yahoo.com
Thanks,
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