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Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
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julesstoop
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Leiden, the Netherlands
 
2010-07-21, 11:48

For all who can read Dutch:

http://julesstoop.tumblr.com/

(I'm referring to the blog entry from yesterday, or maybe today depending on your timezone)
  quote
pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-07-21, 12:03

Dear Every Politician in Existence -

Pick up your damn campaign signs within 24 hours of the election, otherwise you're a litterbug of an a-hole.

Sick of every last one of you (and what you truly represent),
Paul
  quote
Ryan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Promise Land of Trustafarians
 
2010-07-21, 12:35

Quote:
Originally Posted by pscates2.0 View Post
Dear Every Politician in Existence -

Pick up your damn campaign signs within 24 hours of the election, otherwise you're a litterbug of an a-hole.

Sick of every last one of you (and what you truly represent),
Paul
My parents met because they were staffers for different California legislators back in the 80s, and in that time both their candidates sent their campaign staff around with trucks on *election night* to pick up every sign they had put in place. They kept a list of all the locations and rounded them all up as soon as the polls closed. Just the big ones, not the individual lawn signs that private citizens had put out, but still, they at least got rid of the bulk of them right away.

My grandmother was chairwoman of Reagan’s southern California campaign efforts and they had the same policy, though I imagine it came down to the county campaigns to actually implement it. Though I don’t think they did it on election night, it was all the next day.

That was all about thirty years ago of course...

My dad’s run for a few local offices in his years and he always did the same. Never won though.
  quote
pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-07-21, 12:51

See, I just think that's common sense. And how it should be. We've had elections here in town, and this stuff will still be up, weeks later. Nobody seems to say anything or get bothered by it, but that's just been one of my longtime peeves (since I was a teenager, in fact). I hate seeing all this crap everywhere.

It just seems to say a lot, you know? If you think about it...

In fact, next time I'm out and about, I'll pull over and snap a few pics of some particularly gaudy, obnoxious sign clusters here in town.

If you're going to run for office and splash your name all over town, fine. Whatever. That's your deal, that's part of the game, blah, blah. But have the decency and good sense to remove that crap within a day or two after the election. Just as a simple "I'm not an asshat, and I notice the small things and simple courtesies" gesture, if nothing else.



People get so fired up and passionate on the front end, plastering this stuff all over creation. But they're so damn slow to remove it after its done its job and run its course. Yeah, there should be vans or trucks of campaign workers driving around all day Wednesday, removing their candidate's signage from wherever they see it. By Thursday afternoon, there should be no sign of the idiocy and circus that had just taken place two days earlier.

  quote
Ryan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Promise Land of Trustafarians
 
2010-07-21, 13:09

Believe me, having lived in Politico Nutjob Central (aka northern California) I’ve seen street corners with so many signs on them it felt like Times Square...

You should come to Texas. Pretty much no campaign signs anywhere. You’ll see a few, but our street corners haven’t turned into a battle royale between Perry and White (gubernatorial candidates).

In fact, the only campaign “sign”—it’s actually a billboard on I45—is a local candidate saying “Be Prepared for Hurricane Season!” We don’t tolerate campaign insanity much down here. OTOH, most of the races are also uncontested, so that helps.
  quote
tomoe
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
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2010-07-21, 13:17

Dear Lady in Honda Civic,

If you're going to be a jackass and whiz past me to then double park in the bike lane, at least have the common fucking decency to take 2 seconds and look for me (and maybe let me pass) before opening your door and nearly making my day suck very very much. You bitch.

love,
me.

Seen a man standin' over a dead dog lyin' by the highway in a ditch
He's lookin' down kinda puzzled pokin' that dog with a stick
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cascadia
 
2010-07-21, 14:31

@pscates: What I don't get is campaign bumper stickers. If you want to "show your support" with a mass-produced vinyl logo, be my guest, but why on earth would you not take them off after the election? Especially if your candidate lost?

I still see a bunch of McCain/Palin '08! bumper stickers out there. I don't get it. Are they trying to convince people to go back in time and change their votes? And before anyone says anything, I feel the same way about Kerry/Edwards '04! stickers, though I don't see very many of those (they're far outnumbered by people who still have their W04 stickers on their bumpers, for whatever reason).

I mean, it's been six years.

I "get" that it's probably some sort of subversive thing, a way of saying, "well, Obama may have won the election, but I still don't like him!" And that's fine, but if it were me I would at least swap the bumper sticker out for something that is a bit more relevant or communicative, and not just two people's names.

But I'm not really a bumper sticker person, so...


i won't let you hurt my planet / and i won't let you hurt my friends

Last edited by Robo : 2010-07-21 at 14:44.
  quote
chucker
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: near Bremen, Germany
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2010-07-22, 12:18

Dear Everyone Else But Apple In The Computer And Cellphone Industries,

up your game. Seriously. All via Daring Fireball:
  1. It was only the iPad's first quarter, but its slice of the revenues is already higher than the iPod's.
  2. Microsoft will announce their quarterly revenues later tonight — they're expected to be surpassed by Apple.
  3. Apple is making significantly more profits with iPhones than RIM, Motorola, Nokia, HTC and Sony Ericsson combined with all their handsets.

No love for mediocrity,
Sören
  quote
Xaqtly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-07-22, 13:08

Dear Everybody Who Drives A Car On Freeways:

Please be careful and look before changing lanes, and drive defensively. I drove past a horrific accident this morning involving a car and a motorcycle. The bike was trashed, the car was really banged up, and there were about 18 support vehicles there including a coroner. I don't think the bike driver survived.

Motorcycles are harder to see than cars in your mirrors, just be thorough when you check is all.

Love,

Somebody who understands that accidents happen, but that they can also be prevented.
  quote
chucker
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: near Bremen, Germany
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2010-07-22, 13:20

Dear Xaqtly,

this is a bike. This is not a bike. And this isn't either.

(Google Image Search's UI has finally gotten less sucky!)
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cascadia
 
2010-07-22, 13:21

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xaqtly View Post
Dear Everybody Who Drives A Car On Freeways:

Please be careful and look before changing lanes, and drive defensively. I drove past a horrific accident this morning involving a car and a motorcycle. The bike was trashed, the car was really banged up, and there were about 18 support vehicles there including a coroner. I don't think the bike driver survived.

Motorcycles are harder to see than cars in your mirrors, just be thorough when you check is all.

Love,

Somebody who understands that accidents happen, but that they can also be prevented.
Car drivers have a tendency to perceive motorcycles as farther away than they are, because of their smaller size compared to cars (IOW, on some level car drivers assume that everybody drives cars). So it's probable that the car driver did make their token split-second glance but didn't look (or think) hard enough to realize that it was a motorcycle and was therefore much closer than an equally-sized car or SUV would be.

This is why it's important to think while piloting your massive metal projectile, and not just drive on an instinctual autopilot.

i won't let you hurt my planet / and i won't let you hurt my friends
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cascadia
 
2010-07-22, 13:29

Quote:
Originally Posted by chucker View Post
Dear Xaqtly,

this is a bike. This is not a bike. And this isn't either.

(Google Image Search's UI has finally gotten less sucky!)
In the US, at least, it is totally accepted/expected to say "bike" instead of "motorcycle motorcycle motorcycle" all the time. There was enough context (he introduced it as a motorcycle, so no one would think it was somehow a human-powered bicycle on the highway) to make it an acceptable use of the term.

The real crime was that he refered to the motorcycle operator as a "driver," when everybody knows you don't drive a motorcycle, you ride one.

i won't let you hurt my planet / and i won't let you hurt my friends
  quote
Xaqtly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-07-22, 13:32

Quote:
Originally Posted by chucker View Post
Sigh. Really?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bike

Quote:
bike [bahyk] noun, verb, biked, bik·ing.
–noun
1. Informal .
a. a bicycle.
b. a motorbike.
c. a motorcycle.
  quote
chucker
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: near Bremen, Germany
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2010-07-22, 13:45

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robo View Post
In the US, at least, it is totally accepted/expected to say "bike" instead of "motorcycle motorcycle motorcycle" all the time. There was enough context (he introduced it as a motorcycle, so no one would think it was somehow a human-powered bicycle on the highway) to make it an acceptable use of the term.
I know it's common, but I at first thought "huh? what's a bike doing on a freeway?".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robo View Post
The real crime was that he refered to the motorcycle operator as a "driver," when everybody knows you don't drive a motorcycle, you ride one.
Heh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xaqtly View Post
Dude. Chill.
  quote
Quagmire
meh
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-07-22, 13:57

Dear Pontiac fans,

Shut up. Stop with all the government conspiracies and sore loser attitude. Truth is Old GM's board of directors voted to kill Pontiac back in August 2008 before GM went to the government seeking a loan from Congress. The niche brand talk was just PR BS getting you losers ready for the inevitable death around 2014. All that changed was GM sped up its death to the end of 2009. I get it, you don't like that Pontiac was killed. Move on already and buy a Ford. Stop complaining when you people have no idea what you're talking about.

Sincerely,

Quagmire

giggity
  quote
Bryson
Rocket Surgeon
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Whitby
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2010-07-22, 14:11

There are Pontiac fans? Why?

Spoiler (click to toggle):
We rented one once. Worst vehicle EVER.

Worse than (old-style) Skoda, or the cheap Asian brands. Much worse.
  quote
Quagmire
meh
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-07-22, 14:23

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryson View Post
There are Pontiac fans? Why?

Spoiler (click to toggle):
We rented one once. Worst vehicle EVER.

Worse than (old-style) Skoda, or the cheap Asian brands. Much worse.
The Pontiac G8 was an awesome vehicle. A true Pontiac and what Pontiac should have been. Which brings me to my next letter.....

Dear GM,

BRING BACK THE HOLDEN COMMODORE!!!!

Sincerely,

Quagmire

giggity
  quote
Xaqtly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-07-22, 14:29

Quote:
Originally Posted by chucker View Post
Dude. Chill.
Sorry. I guess my humor sensors are off.
  quote
faramirtook
A for effort.
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: New Jersey
 
2010-07-23, 21:04

Dear Delta Air Lines:

I understand that it's not your fault that the weather was shitty at EWR all day, but stringing my friend along for 13 hours and then finally canceling her flight with no option to reschedule for tomorrow is just criminal.

Fuck you,

faramirtook.


corollary letter:
Dear CERN scientists,

Stop dicking around with Higgs particles and all that, nobody really cares. Invent a long-distance, safe teleportation device and you'll never be short of funding again; all the money pumped into airlines could be given to you guys as a lump sum for ending the most miserable, most environmentally damaging, and the most economically unsustainable form of transportation the world has ever known.

All the best,

everyone who has ever flown coach.

Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think
  quote
Mac+
9" monochrome
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: I'm here
 
2010-07-24, 00:14

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quagmire View Post
The Pontiac G8 was an awesome vehicle. A true Pontiac and what Pontiac should have been. Which brings me to my next letter.....

Dear GM,

BRING BACK THE HOLDEN COMMODORE!!!!

Sincerely,

Quagmire
You tell 'em Quag!
  quote
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2010-07-24, 16:05

Dear Squeenix,

Stop remaking games like Tactics Ogre that nobody cares about and remake the one that everyone's been asking for for years: FF7.

Signed,
Everybody
  quote
Ebby
Subdued and Medicated
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Over Yander
Send a message via AIM to Ebby  
2010-07-24, 16:24

Dear "hip" websites,

Please stop using the phrase "after the jump". It is very annoying, ambigiously descriptive, and unnecessary for same-page content. Is so-called jump a link? I know what ads are and ignore them at my discretion. And for those of us with ad-blocking tech, it is jarring to the editorial flow of said article.

Mostly I just find it really annoying though. You are not funny or cute.

Please stop.

Thanks,
Anon. Reader (cookie # 386342771)


^^ One more quality post from the desk of Ebby. ^^
SSBA | SmockBogger | SporkNET
  quote
tomoe
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Send a message via AIM to tomoe  
2010-07-24, 16:43

Dear Curry Chicken,

Why so delicious?

Love,
I just ate you.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cascadia
 
2010-07-24, 17:23

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad View Post
Dear Squeenix,

Stop remaking games like Tactics Ogre that nobody cares about and remake the one that everyone's been asking for for years: FF7.

Signed,
Everybody
:O

Tactics Ogre essentially invented the modern tactical RPG. And it's impossible to find right now. It's kind of a big deal.

At least FFVII is available on PSN...but I agree, they should have given it the PS3 remake treatment years ago, to sort of cap off the "Compilation" project before launching Fabula Nova Crystallis. I mean, there were what, four years between FFXII and FFXIII? If the PS3 had received a FFVII remake in 2007, I'm quite sure the current console landscape would look different. Sony should have funded the project, if they had to, not that it wasn't already a guaranteed moneymaker for Squee.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ebby View Post
Dear "hip" websites,

Please stop using the phrase "after the jump". It is very annoying, ambigiously descriptive, and unnecessary for same-page content. Is so-called jump a link? I know what ads are and ignore them at my discretion. And for those of us with ad-blocking tech, it is jarring to the editorial flow of said article.

Mostly I just find it really annoying though. You are not funny or cute.

Please stop.

Thanks,
Anon. Reader (cookie # 386342771)

http://www.thereisnopagefold.com/

i won't let you hurt my planet / and i won't let you hurt my friends
  quote
Sauvblanc
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Mel-Bun!
 
2010-07-24, 17:38

Quote:
Originally Posted by Noel View Post
Dear Starbucks Barista,

It isn't unreasonable to order a hot drink on a hot day. I work in an overly air-conditioned office. It is not my fault that you assumed I wanted my latte iced. Hint: the customer is not supposed to be the one who apologizes for a screwed up order, when that order was placed correctly.

-- Noel
Dear Australia,

Thank you for having such good baristas who understand what good coffee is all about. And for knowing that there is no need for having coffee cups of sufficient volume to fill a swimming pool. And for having such a strong, sophisticated cafe culture that the Starbucks infiltration has been kept to a minimum.

Yours in lattes
Sauvblanc

Specialists are people who know more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing. Generalists are people who know less and less about more and more until they know nothing about everything. I'm somewhere in the middle.
  quote
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2010-07-24, 17:49

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robo View Post
:O
I was expecting that'd get a rise outta ya.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cascadia
 
2010-07-24, 18:02

It's hip to hate Starbucks, presumably because everyone thinks that hipsters love them (hint: they don't), but I'll drop the coffee snobbery and be totally, 100% honest here: They're not bad. While I'll always prefer my favorite local houses (who wouldn't?), if I'm new in town (or out of town) I'm definitely going to choose a Starbucks over a Dunkin' Donuts (oh yes, I went there) or an effing McCafé. (I know as a former Minnesotan I'm supposed to love Caribou Coffee, but I just don't, sorry.) And for people not fortunate enough to live near an "honest" coffeehouse a Starbucks provides a decent enough approximation: they play good (if not local) music, their staff is unequivocally friendly, and they're just quiet and noisy and empty and busy enough to comfortably vanish into whatever you're reading (or writing). In other words, they have their place.

That, not some cultish Starbucks loyalty, is the biggest problem facing the McCafé concept. Starbucks has the sizable advantage of not having a playplace in the middle of the store. It seems like whatever hour I go to a McDonald's, there are always screaming children there; McDonald's is most directly marketed at children, after all. Throw in the constant beeping of the drive-thru timer (punctuated only by commercials for McDonald's over the radio) and seats designed to encourage you to leave quickly and you have, well, McDonald's. They're a place very few people would actually choose to hang out at, but they're desperately trying to convince the world that all you pay for at Starbucks is the name on the cup, honest!

i won't let you hurt my planet / and i won't let you hurt my friends
  quote
Ebby
Subdued and Medicated
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Over Yander
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2010-07-25, 02:34

Hahaha! There is no page fold.

I'll add that to the list. Lets see "there is no..." hmmm... page fold...

Aha! I'll add it right under spoon.

^^ One more quality post from the desk of Ebby. ^^
SSBA | SmockBogger | SporkNET
  quote
Ryan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Promise Land of Trustafarians
 
2010-07-25, 10:15

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robo View Post
It's hip to hate Starbucks, presumably because everyone thinks that hipsters love them (hint: they don't), but I'll drop the coffee snobbery and be totally, 100% honest here: They're not bad. While I'll always prefer my favorite local houses (who wouldn't?), if I'm new in town (or out of town) I'm definitely going to choose a Starbucks over a Dunkin' Donuts (oh yes, I went there) or an effing McCafé. (I know as a former Minnesotan I'm supposed to love Caribou Coffee, but I just don't, sorry.) And for people not fortunate enough to live near an "honest" coffeehouse a Starbucks provides a decent enough approximation: they play good (if not local) music, their staff is unequivocally friendly, and they're just quiet and noisy and empty and busy enough to comfortably vanish into whatever you're reading (or writing). In other words, they have their place.

That, not some cultish Starbucks loyalty, is the biggest problem facing the McCafé concept. Starbucks has the sizable advantage of not having a playplace in the middle of the store. It seems like whatever hour I go to a McDonald's, there are always screaming children there; McDonald's is most directly marketed at children, after all. Throw in the constant beeping of the drive-thru timer (punctuated only by commercials for McDonald's over the radio) and seats designed to encourage you to leave quickly and you have, well, McDonald's. They're a place very few people would actually choose to hang out at, but they're desperately trying to convince the world that all you pay for at Starbucks is the name on the cup, honest!
I disagree. If you’re just looking for a place to read or write, then Starbucks is fine. But as far as actual good coffee, Starbucks doesn’t even come close. They use over-roasted beans which are months old by the time they reach the store, have no control over the timing of their espresso machines, the coffee always ends up with an airpot taste and, my least favorite, it isn’t drinkable without a crapton of milk and high-fructose corn syrup. Coffee should be black and espresso shouldn’t be smothered in 24oz of milk!

</purist>

Yeah, if you don’t have a choice, it’s better than nothing, that’s a given. But I still wouldn’t call it “not bad."
  quote
Noel
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago
 
2010-07-25, 14:42

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robo View Post
(I know as a former Minnesotan I'm supposed to love Caribou Coffee, but I just don't, sorry.)
Blasphemy!!!!
  quote
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