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sunrain
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Portlandia
 
2005-05-26, 00:57

Just when you thought corporate America couldn't make a crappier beer, they present us with:

B to the E



Holy fucking mother of god. Apparently someone at Anheuser-Busch thinks America needs caffienated beer. Yummy. Beer with caffeine, ginseng, guarana extract, and natural flavor.

[marketing meeting]
"An energy drink beer, yeah, that'll sell! Beer for athletes ...that's awesome. You're getting a raise. Let's give it a scientific looking name so people will think it's a a doctor's prescription. We could put up a stand at the next Ironman; right next to the Gatorade booth."
[/marketing meeting]



Drunk hyper assholes. We need more of those in this country.

I want to cry.

"What a computer is to me is it's the most remarkable tool that we've ever come up with, and it's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds."
- Steve Jobs
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CobaltFire
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Join Date: May 2005
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2005-05-26, 01:04

Well then... That made me bust up laughing. I know where that will be popular! Navy guys will love that one:

(Sailor 1) Dude, I gotta go to work in 5 hours...
(Sailor 2) Hey, drink this, it'll wake you right up!
10 of those later:
(Sailor 1) Damn, I feel good! Time to go to work...
At Work:
(Chief) Are you drunk?
(Sailor 1) No, it's just an energy drink Chief!
(Chief) Then relieve the watch!
3 hours later:
(Sailor 1) *snore*
(RPCP) *red lights blinking* *alarm sounds*
(Sailor 1) Huh? OH SHIT!

And that folks, is how that beer will cause a nuclear accident.

*RPCP - Reactor Plant Control Panel, and it does exactly what it's name says.
  quote
Mac+
9" monochrome
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: 🇦🇺
 
2005-05-26, 08:32

unf*ck'nbelievable

I'd love to read the user data or focus group reports on this one.

Or did the execs just say, "I don't care how poorly it rated - f*ck 'em - let's release it anyway!"

All I want is a simple life
twitter
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InactionMan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-05-26, 08:58

The Canadian beer mongers are starting to do this as well. Labatt's just released some sort of swill called Shok!

I suppose it's to compete for the Red Bull+Vodka crowd.

Bloody gross.
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BuonRotto
Not sayin', just sayin'
 
Join Date: May 2004
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2005-05-26, 09:33

Let's see, a barbituate with an added amphetamine. That's got to do wonders for ya. Is it light beer, or is the added ginseng whatnot another walking contradiction?
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709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2005-05-26, 09:38

Quote:
Originally Posted by BuonRotto
That's got to do wonders for ya. Is it light beer, or is the added ginseng whatnot another walking contradiction?
It's Bud. No 'light beer' contradiction there.

If I need a beer speedball my choice is:



'Double Chocolate Coffee Oatmeal Stout"

It's awesome.

So it goes.
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Bryson
Rocket Surgeon
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The Canadark
 
2005-05-26, 09:40

On the ship where I used to work, as everyone worked so many hours, a popular cocktail in the crewbar was a "Power Shandy" ie: A pint glass containing a can of Red Bull and a Dos Equis beer. So I can see there's a market for it. Not a clever one, maybe, but I reckon they'll be able to sell the stuff.

Hell, Budweiser tastes so bad, there's got to be something else in it for you!
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Franz Josef
Passing by
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London, Europe
 
2005-05-26, 09:51

Breakfast stout - exactly what you need with a good hearty fry up in the morning. The low carb low cholestrol way to start the day.
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709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2005-05-26, 10:00

It's the most important beer of the day.
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psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2005-05-26, 11:15

I think some of these trends just get boneheadedly out of hand.

All these energy/juice/pep type drinks are such a silly, "on its 14th minute" trend, and to make a beer with that stuff is just...weird.

It'll flop.

I'm waiting for the cigarettes with "natural energy supplements and thirst quenchers!" to hit the market...



KoolExtreme. MarlboroX.

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Luca
ಠ_ರೃ
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2005-05-26, 11:18

Remember clear beer?
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thuh Freak
Finally broke the seal
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-05-26, 11:35

at a bunch of bars in lower manhattan, they replaced BL with BE. my friends love it. i didn't much notice, as i'm a guinness man, through and through.
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Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2005-05-26, 11:37

You know... there must be something inherently wrong with the marketing education programs at our universities. Or something. Maybe it's the corporatized training of the new ranks every year. Whatever it is, the intellectual quality (or logic behind) today's marketing and advertising efforts - in a host of fields - is just pathetic. Who the fuck thinks stuff like this is a good idea??

Hmmm. Let's do some basic chemistry you corporate fluff-fucks. Alcohol is a DEPRESSANT and a diuretic, hmmmkay? Caffeine is a STIMULANT and a diuretic. Ginseng is another STIMULANT. Do you think it's as simple as 2-1=1?

No, jackasses. What you're going to end up with are people with poor coordination and reaction time, zero attention span and serious digestive problems. Honestly when the first accident suits come rolling in I hope Budweiser gets sued into fucking oblivion, because this is irresponsible to put shit like this on the market. Yah I'm sure they've done a *load* of controlled studies to see how this little toxic cocktail affects people's nervous systems and general behavior. Especially when mixed with other types of alcohol, food, etc.

These assholes are no different than Big Tobacco in certain respects. They don't give a shit what their product does to you behaviorally or to your long term health, they just want your green at any cost.

...into the light of a dark black night.
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Stevuh
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
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2005-05-26, 12:10

as a side note i used to work in a gas station and we sold that shit there. This was at least 6 months ago. and those cans are so tiny. A can of redbull has more liquid in it than those and the redbull is a fuckton cheaper too. people getting drunk off their asses from this stuff sounds pretty far fetched if you ask me just because of the cost, that and im sure it taste like hell and it probably has a lower alcohol content because of the additives.

at least we can only hope so. . . . . . . . .

"History will be kind to me because i intend to write it" -- Winston Churchill

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -- Winston Churchill
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ghoti
owner for sale by house
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Charlotte, NC
 
2005-05-26, 12:22

What do sex in a boat and American beer have in common?

They're both fucking close to water!

*runsreallyreallyfast*
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ironlung
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: "Chambana", IL
 
2005-05-26, 12:32

Bud Extra tastes really bad.. its awful. I had the unfortunate experience of trying it. Heard of sparks?
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Stevuh
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2005-05-26, 12:35

Quote:
Originally Posted by ghoti
What do sex in a boat and American beer have in common?

They're both fucking close to water!

*runsreallyreallyfast*
That's awesome
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Paul
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York City
 
2005-05-26, 12:37

http://forums.applenova.com/showthread.php?t=2140
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sunrain
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Portlandia
 
2005-05-26, 12:52

Quote:
Originally Posted by 709
It's Bud. No 'light beer' contradiction there.

If I need a beer speedball my choice is:



'Double Chocolate Coffee Oatmeal Stout"

It's awesome.
Now that actually looks good...for some reason. Probably because a good stout *is* a meal in itself.
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sunrain
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Portlandia
 
2005-05-26, 12:56

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul
Yeah, well my thread has legs and yours didn't.

Edit: I was waiting however, for Brad to come in and tell me how 'X' ago this find was. "Welcome to 'X', etc., etc."

"What a computer is to me is it's the most remarkable tool that we've ever come up with, and it's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds."
- Steve Jobs
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Wrao
Yarp
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Road Warrior
 
2005-05-26, 12:59

Didn't the earliest 'beer' come from fermented gruel type meal used to feed slaves? I should so totally work for budweiser's marketing team.
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sunrain
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Portlandia
 
2005-05-26, 13:06

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wrao
Didn't the earliest 'beer' come from fermented gruel type meal used to feed slaves? I should so totally work for budweiser's marketing team.
...and I think Guinness was used to to recover from sickness. Really.
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bassplayinMacFiend
Banging the Bottom End
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
 
2005-05-26, 13:11

Quote:
Originally Posted by ghoti
What do sex in a boat and American beer have in common?

They're both fucking close to water!

*runsreallyreallyfast*
I think Eric Idle said it something like "We find your American beer like making love in a canoe". But, it's still funny.
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bassplayinMacFiend
Banging the Bottom End
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
 
2005-05-26, 13:13

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrain
...and I think Guinness was used to to recover from sickness. Really.
That would explain the 'It's good for you!' label (outside the US of course. In the US we get the gov't warning label. But, Guinness in the US is a watered down version anyway). A little trivia, Guinness makes the Buttwiper that is sold in Europe under license from AB.
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thuh Freak
Finally broke the seal
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-05-26, 13:28

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrain
...and I think Guinness was used to to recover from sickness. Really.
interesting. i was at a guinness marketing event at a bar downtown. (guinness as a company, apparently does this pretty often. there were two or three within a month of each other, and another 3 or so a couple of months back. really cool event, cuz its pretty much all you can drink of the guinness brands {guinness, harp, smithwicks}, no cost) anyway, from what they said, Arthur Guinness bought St. James Gate (the brewing facility; you might notice a little note about it on a bottle), sat down for few years (maybe even a decade; can't remember) working out the best possible formula for a rich, hearty beer. he came out with Guinness. no mention of it being for sickness.

as to the mixing uppers and downers together: i don't know a lot about medicine, but I believe its the same idea in many 'non-drowsy' or 'day time' formulas. like dayquil is just nyquil with a lot of caffeine added. they just throw a bunch of chemicals together, hope they balance out, and watch the profits roll in.
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ghoti
owner for sale by house
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Charlotte, NC
 
2005-05-26, 13:30

Quote:
Originally Posted by bassplayinMacFiend
I think Eric Idle said it something like "We find your American beer like making love in a canoe". But, it's still funny.
Looks like you're right. I heard that joke in a lecture given by an American and an English guy on the differences in culture between the two. And I haven't tried either But I like the way this joke plays with words.

Anyway, on a more serious note, I read an article recently on how the American beer industry is having trouble because beer is no longer the absolute favorite among young people. Wine and cocktails seem to be more appealing to the young, especially the "metrosexuals" (whatever that really means). So I guess this is an attempt at putting the coolness back into beer, and also make it more compatible with the crowd that doesn't consume beer in front of the TV, but whil going out and having some fun.
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sunrain
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Portlandia
 
2005-05-26, 13:34

I didn't mean that Guinness was made as a medicine, but that doctors recommended it to their patients. In a very quick search I found a linky that talks about it.

http://www.sallys-place.com/beverage...tout_beers.htm

"What a computer is to me is it's the most remarkable tool that we've ever come up with, and it's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds."
- Steve Jobs
  quote
Luca
ಠ_ರೃ
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2005-05-26, 13:36

I'm kind of confused. I understand that obviously there's a difference between these crappy mass-produced American beers and the better stuff, but I don't really get why people love beer so much. It tastes kind of gross. I admit I haven't had much, but I haven't only had crap beer. I've also tried Corona several times as well as some Leinenkugel's. But it doesn't matter, every time I've tried it I hate it beyond the very first swig (which is pretty good). After that it's just kind of bitter and gross.

Same thing applies for wine with me too. I don't like wine one bit. In fact the only drinks I can really enjoy are the really sweet ones. I don't understand why people like the others. Wine, beer, etc. is hard to take.
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sunrain
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Portlandia
 
2005-05-26, 13:49

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca
I admit I haven't had much, but I haven't only had crap beer. I've also tried Corona several times as well as some Leinenkugel's.
Um...Corona is ass beer. You're not serious, right?

If you do want to try and find some yummy beer. Check out some of the higher rated beers at Beer Advocate.

http://www.beeradvocate.com/

Since it sounds like you lean toward the sweet, I'd look for some of the fruitier Trappist ales. The Koningshoeven 'La Trappe Quadrupel' would be right up your alley. You might be surprised how much you like it.

"What a computer is to me is it's the most remarkable tool that we've ever come up with, and it's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds."
- Steve Jobs
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alcimedes
I shot the sherrif.
 
Join Date: May 2004
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2005-05-26, 13:57

yeah, we always call in canoe beer here. at least my friends did. same punchline.
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