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Amazing tales of Chuck Norris


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Amazing tales of Chuck Norris
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pilot1129
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alexandria, VA
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2005-11-22, 13:15

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with 5 times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This of course, to limit his strength & mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris punched his way out of his mothers womb. Shortly thereafter, he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

In "Way of the Dragon", Bruce Lee pulls out Chuck Norris's chest hair by the roots. Bruce Lee is dead.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck norris flew back in time using a secret technique tought to him by bruce lee. There he roundhouse kicked leonardo da vinci and stole his plans to a machine leonardo has been working on his whole life. That machine was the total gym.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't $%&# with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living poo out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the poo out of little kids.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris ate a rubiks cube and pooped it out solved.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.


In WWII Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris does not have your normal human-style, male nipples. He has a Dodge Ram hood ornament on each pec, and both rams blow smoke out of their noses each and every time he pumps Christy Brinkley.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

The roundhouse kick has been proven to be more deady than kryptonite. The Death of Superman? Yeah, that was from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris, when clean-shaven, radiates the heat of three suns.

Chuck Norris is the only one ever in history to stare Medusa straight in the eyes and not be turned to stone. The result was Roseanne Bar.



By the way, all of those are true.
 
ShadowOfGed
Travels via TARDIS
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Earthsea
 
2005-11-22, 13:35



I'm in stitches here, that's hilarious!
 
Luca
ಠ_ರೃ
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2005-11-22, 13:35

"Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!"

"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"

"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"He sweats Gatorade"

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"He sheds his skin once a year."

"He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."

"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"

"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."

"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."

"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

"Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."

"They found $60 in change in his stomach."

"He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

"He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."

"Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."

"He date raped David Bowie."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."

"It was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."

"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."

"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"

"He has dandruff the size of mice!"

"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"

"He conjured Neville Chamberlain!"

"Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"

"His first name is Bill! ....... I'm drunk."

"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."

"He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."

"He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."

"Brasky once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

"He has a toenail on the end of his penis."

"Brasky once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

"Brasky's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

"Brasky ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."

"He breastfeeds John Madden."

"Brasky named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

"They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."

"Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."

"All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos."

"He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."

"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."

"Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"

"Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films."

"He thinks the Iron Man is gay."

"He framed Roger Rabbit."

"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

"He gave a handjob to a manta ray."
 
709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2005-11-22, 13:50

When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

Vin Diesel was scheduled to be Stalone's stunt double in Rambo, but he was replaced after refusing to wearing a parachute when jumping from the plane.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.



(props to BR/eventhorizon for that find)

So it goes.
 
thuh Freak
Finally broke the seal
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-11-22, 13:51

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

During the dark ages, Vin Diesel narrowly avoided being burned at the stake by building a bridge out of five witches.

Sheep count Vin Diesels when they can't sleep.

Vin Diesel consumed 16oz. of Chinese mustard, breathed fire, then proceeded to climb the Empire State Building after watching the 1930's version of King Kong.

Curiousity killed the cat. If by "curiosity" you mean "Vin Diesel" and by "killed" you mean "killed".

Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel, not the Emancipation Proclamation, set the slaves free years before the Civil War. The Civil War was actually just a clan battle between L1nc0ln and xx_J3ff3rs0n_xx, which Vin Diesel won anyway.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

.

i find the internet humorous at times.

Last edited by thuh Freak : 2005-11-22 at 13:52. Reason: arg. scooped by 709
 
Wyatt
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2005-11-22, 13:53

Oh my God... I need to stop reading this shit. I'm making a fool of myself laughing in the lab... again...
 
Yontsey
*AD SPACE FOR SALE*
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
 
2005-11-22, 13:54

that is the funnest shit ive ever read, props

Last edited by Yontsey : 2005-11-22 at 14:00.
 
murbot
Hoonigan
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2005-11-22, 13:56

Best thread of 2005.

Fuck that, the decade.

 
Wyatt
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2005-11-22, 13:57

Quote:
Originally Posted by murbot
Best thread of 2005.

Fuck that, the decade.

Absolutely. Anybody know where I can get more stuff like this? I love this!
 
pilot1129
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alexandria, VA
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2005-11-22, 14:14

Amazing Tales of Mr. T
Amazing tales of Mr. T! ...I pitty the fool that don't think they are amazing!




Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the heck are you going to do about it?

Mr. T survived a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris. He was the first and only one to do so.


Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.

Mr. T doesn't obey the second law of thermodynamics. It obeys him.

Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

When the end of the world comes, it won't be referred to as "Judgment Day". Rather, it shall be called "T-Day", when Mr. T ends the world by simultaneously pitying all six billion fools on this planet to death.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

When Mr. T cuts onions, it's the onions doing the crying.

Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.

The Manhattan Project really did not create the atom bomb, but instead put Mr. T’s pity in a bottle and then dropped it on Japan.

During the filming of Rocky III, Burgess Meredith asked Mr. T why he wore so much gold. To make a long story short, the script had to be changed to include Mickey's "accidental" death.

Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.

Mr. T rejoiced as President George W. Bush was elected to office, as the coming administration would assure that he would never run out of fools to pity.

Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

Rome wasn't built in a day. But if Mr. T had assisted, it sure as heck would've been.

If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

Mr. T invented cryogenics for the sole purpose of turning fools into Pity Pops, which he then sells to buy more gold chains.

Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.
 
pilot1129
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alexandria, VA
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2005-11-22, 14:16

Quote:
Originally Posted by murbot
Best thread of 2005.

Fuck that, the decade.


Can I get a Custom Title before my post requirement then?
 
murbot
Hoonigan
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2005-11-22, 15:02

A premature custom title change would require actual content creation. A simple copy and paste won't do it... though with the quality of the thread, you can surely bask in the admiration of your peers. Or whatever.

 
kretara
Cynical Old Bastard
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: The Hot, Hazey, Humid South
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2005-11-22, 15:04

Quote:
Originally Posted by pilot1129
Can I get a Custom Title before my post requirement then?
Come on 'bot, give him one of your "special" custom titles. Please......
 
LAmezq3984
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
 
2005-11-22, 15:34

I laughed during Chuck, and cried during Vin. Those were great finds.
 
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2005-11-22, 15:36

Quote:
Originally Posted by murbot
A premature custom title change would require actual content creation. A simple copy and paste won't do it.
True, but I think we can make this a special case like that dude with the queef fetish.
 
InactionMan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-11-22, 15:38

That one is way better than 'The Queef Addict'.
 
kretara
Cynical Old Bastard
 
Join Date: May 2004
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2005-11-22, 15:56

Quote:
Originally Posted by InactionMan
That one is way better than 'The Queef Addict'.
I was laughing so much my boss stopped by to make sure I was OK.

Note to self, NEVER ask for a custom title!!!
 
pilot1129
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alexandria, VA
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2005-11-22, 17:53

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad
True, but I think we can make this a special case like that dude with the queef fetish.
Wow, as soon as I requested that I knew I had made a mistake. But then I convinced myself that these sweet, considerate, and mild mannered moderators at applenova wouldn't do me wrong

lesson learned
 
curiousuburb
Antimatter Man
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: that interweb thing
 
2005-11-22, 18:11

Quote:
Originally Posted by pilot1129
Amazing Tales of Mr. T
Amazing tales of Mr. T! ...I pitty the fool that don't think they are amazing!




quality.
 
Phoenix
formerly "trav"
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Behind you
 
2005-11-22, 18:38

Chuck Norris once was Prom King and Prom Queen at the same time and the school watched on as he waltzed round with an armed M-16 with full metal casing cyanide tipped bullets.
 
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2005-11-22, 18:48

Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousuburb
CNN needs to upgrade its spell-checker!
 
Phoenix
formerly "trav"
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Behind you
 
2005-11-22, 18:49

Hopefully these haven't been said before:

Chuck Norris went on a jungle trek and spit into a hole. His saliva created the Fountain of Youth.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.

Chuck Norris is so gifted in baseball that everytime he hits a homerun everyone watching becomes pregnant. Hence the reason he doesn't play in the major leagues.

Chuck Norris is the final picture on an Evolution chart.

Ghandi used to be a Nazi before Chuck Norris Round House Kicked him in the face. Showing him that violence is not the answer.

Chuck Norris once challenged Oprah to a grudge match after she gave his biography bad reviews. She declined so he round house kicked her face.
 
atomicbartbeans
reticulating your mom
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
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2005-11-22, 18:56

One time Chuck Norris took a hot steaming dump inside a four-dollar hooker with webbed feet. 9 months later, Steve Ballmer was born.

[/gross randomness]

Last edited by atomicbartbeans : 2005-11-22 at 19:03.
 
murbot
Hoonigan
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2005-11-22, 18:56

Quote:
Originally Posted by pilot1129
Wow, as soon as I requested that I knew I had made a mistake. But then I convinced myself that these sweet, considerate, and mild mannered moderators at applenova wouldn't do me wrong

lesson learned
Don't take it too hard. A craft title like that usually means that Brad thinks you're super neat. If this was jail, he'd be burning your ass with his cigar... be thankful it's only a few words on a screen.

 
pilot1129
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alexandria, VA
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2005-11-22, 20:01

Quote:
Originally Posted by murbot
A craft title like that usually means that Brad thinks you're super neat.

My first online friend

Hey brad! my mom says you can come over and we can play with (not on) my super cool new xbox tomorrow!



Last edited by pilot1129 : 2005-11-22 at 20:21.
 
ShadowOfGed
Travels via TARDIS
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Earthsea
 
2005-11-22, 20:10

Quote:
Originally Posted by pilot1129
My first online friend

Hey brad! my mom says you can come over and we can play on my super cool new xbox tomorrow!


*looks at your title*

It's a good thing you didn't say "with my super cool new xbox," or I might have thought you meant to play video games!

Pardon the innocent jab, but in that light, I have an addition:

Chuck Norris inspires product names. He roundhouse kicked Steve Ballmer, and at that moment, the "360" era was born.

Apparently I call the cops when I see people litter.
 
pilot1129
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alexandria, VA
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2005-11-22, 20:20

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadowOfGed
*looks at your title*

It's a good thing you didn't say "with my super cool new xbox," or I might have thought you meant to play video games!

Pardon the innocent jab, but in that light, I have an addition:

Chuck Norris inspires product names. He roundhouse kicked Steve Ballmer, and at that moment, the "360" era was born.

hahahaha i love the MS related ones

also: my little folly was fixed
 
AWR
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: State of Flux
 
2005-11-23, 04:28

Oh shit, that is funny. CN - 20th century ICON.
 
SledgeHammer
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-11-23, 10:09

I am currently trying really hard not to laugh so hard as to wake up my wife. This thread is amazing.
 
Wyatt
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2005-11-23, 10:22

Quote:
Originally Posted by pilot1129
Wow, as soon as I requested that I knew I had made a mistake. But then I convinced myself that these sweet, considerate, and mild mannered moderators at applenova wouldn't do me wrong

lesson learned
Haha, and you shall be a lesson to all newbies.
 
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