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Hong Kong man gets frisky with local park bench


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Hong Kong man gets frisky with local park bench
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Luca
ಠ_ರೃ
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2008-08-12, 14:19

We haven't had a good old "OMG WTF!!!?!??!?!?" thread in a while, so here's one that should top most others for a while. BTW, the article has pictures, and you needn't worry - they are perfectly discreet and safe for work.

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08...g-steel-bench/

Quote:
Last night in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.

Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.

The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

He panicked and called the police to help him.

When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.

When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.

4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.

Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.
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kretara
Cynical Old Bastard
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: The Hot, Hazey, Humid South
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2008-08-12, 14:29

Now that is just to f'ing funny.
  quote
Wyatt
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2008-08-12, 14:31

W. T. F?

I can't help but think this is pretty damn funny, but I feel kind of bad for him. I think it's obvious he must have some sort of issues to think this is a good idea.

Twitter: bwyatt | Xbox: @playsbadly | Instagram: @bw317
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psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2008-08-12, 14:31

Okay, you win, Luca.



He was nailing a bench and got his wang (no relation) stuck?!?

Who does this?



I'm sending that to everyone I know.
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Mugge
Thunderbolt, fuck yeah!
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Denmark
 
2008-08-12, 14:43

Those holes look sorta small. No wonder he got stuck, but still, how can a hole in a metal sheet be better then your right hand?!



He must be a benchophile.

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Wyatt
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2008-08-12, 14:47

Read the comments below. Somehow, I'm not sure this kid (who goes by "my cock") knows what he just said:

Quote:
Originally Posted by My cock
umm.. im 15 yr old and my ‘equipment’ is 5′11″ it’s gonna get bigger XD
  quote
tomoe
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
 
2008-08-12, 14:48

I love that they had to remove the bench in order to bring him to the hospital!
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curiousuburb
Antimatter Man
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: that interweb thing
 
2008-08-12, 15:26

There was a story a while back of a dude doing a bike... maybe he and this guy could double date with a bike rack.

OTOH, the comedic opening lines on his next date...

Quote:
No a quiet park bench would not be cool place to meet. We, uh... have a history, and the breakup was painful.

You're so much warmer and less metallic than my last GF. Didn't need an HIV test, but I did get a Tetanus booster.

I'd much rather go to the hospital stuck in you than my last date... except for that cutting off your feet part... Wait, where are you going?

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Last edited by curiousuburb : 2008-08-12 at 15:45.
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Souflay123
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
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2008-08-12, 16:04

how small must the holes be for him to get stuck, he is asian...

JK, I just could not help myself from making a asian penis joke.

But that is seriously funny, who would ever stand there and think... oh my! Sexy bench, I must hit that shit!!
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Fahrenheit
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
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2008-08-12, 16:07

"This is dispatch, hey, Li, how many female firefighters do we have on staff?"

"1 sir"

"Yeh, lets send her to this"

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Banana
is the next Chiquita
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
 
2008-08-12, 16:26

She looks shocked in that pic.
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drewprops
Space Pirate
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2008-08-13, 00:42

Oh come on you bastards, who among you hasn't stuck their penis somewhere it didn't belong? You know, like the time you stuck your penis into a....... [fill in the blank]
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turbulentfurball
Right Honourable Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Québec
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2008-08-13, 01:06

Quote:
Originally Posted by drewprops View Post
Oh come on you bastards, who among you hasn't stuck their penis somewhere it didn't belong? You know, like the time you stuck your penis into a....... [fill in the blank]
Your mother?
  quote
Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2008-08-13, 05:38

Quote:
Originally Posted by Farenheit View Post
"This is dispatch, hey, Li, how many female firefighters do we have on staff?"

"1 sir"

"Yeh, lets send her to this"

Actually, it appears there are TWO? Look in the background there just to the right.

That is too poetic. Can you imagine the shock of the guy when he sees a woman walking up to the bench?? The utter humiliation...

That said, I bet the decision was intentional to send her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by turbulentfurball View Post
Your mother?
I suppose with a story about a guy fucking a hole in a bench, a mother joke was inevitable... wasn't it? This thread is made of win.

That said, looking at that bench we can deduce two things:

1) Tiny wang
2) A very poor imagination. Setting aside for a moment the obvious and useful alternative of a hooker... How can you look at a cold steel bench with sharp-edged holes and think "oh that won't hurt at all!"? I mean seriously it looks like a torture device.

[russianaccent]...and now because you refuse to cooperate... vasili will force you to shove your penis into the bench... we call it... the ceegar cutter.[/russian]

...into the light of a dark black night.
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psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2008-08-13, 09:14

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, Mr. Bond...I expect you to nail this park bench."
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