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Yontsey
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
 
2005-07-29, 22:24

im thinking about buying an engagement ring and proposing, well sometime in the next year, i know thats a long time frame but i dunno when i wanna do it, but i wanna buy the ring soon and have it. now, i was curious as to what people spent on theirs and what ct they bought and stuff like that because i have nothing to compare it too. i was looking at getting a 1ct princess cut ring on white gold, is that too overboard???
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Jason
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Join Date: Oct 2004
 
2005-07-29, 22:26

Nothing is too overboard where women are concerned....
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SledgeHammer
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-07-29, 22:39

Jason is right. I lucked out. My girlfriend's (now fiancée's) grandmother had given her her engagement ring. The band was old and cracked, but the stone was a beautiful 3/4+ ct. I went about a month before I was going to propose and ordered the ring at a local jewelry store in my fiancée's hometown. She had already picked out a setting that she loved, so that also made things easier. I paid about $1500 to have the stone put in this setting. It is gold with platinum wraps and two tiny pink diamonds. It's beautiful and actually worth quite a bit more than I paid because I already had the stone. It was more than I could really afford, but it was totally worth it.

Last edited by SledgeHammer : 2005-07-29 at 22:41.
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kaseyha
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2005-07-29, 23:59

Yep, spend as much as you can possibly afford, she'll appreciate it, they all seem to know exactly how much engagement rings are cost...

I got my wife a .9 ct princess cut with a Platinum setting and two small side diamonds. It was made by Varna and has some cool scrolling on the sides of the band. If you can afford Platinum over white gold, do it, the white gold will need to be re-plated (with rhodium if i remember correctly) a couple of time during its life.

Edit: Oh yeah, congrats, we all hope.
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Yontsey
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
 
2005-07-30, 00:02

haha thanks man, i dunno if i can afford a large diamond and platinum. all the ones ive seen have been like 4-5g's i was lookin like 2g tops, mainly cuz im just about to get outta college but i have a family biz thing but still, im not made of $, haha. ill do the best i can thouhg, ya know?
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kaseyha
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2005-07-30, 00:07

Yeah, believe me I know.

I was lucky, a friend of my wife's was working at a jewelry store and I got a great discount through her. It still cost way to much though...
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kretara
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Join Date: May 2004
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2005-07-30, 00:14

I bought a .92 carat almost perfect diamond (quality over quantity for me) with diamond baggetts on the side for $5,000. The diamond is mapped and certified.

$5000 is alot of money (maybe too much, but don't tell my wife) for a frigging rock but she is so happy with it and she get so many compliments on the ring that it is worth it. I've seen 2+ carat diamonds that were of poor quality (read: cheap) that looked like shit compared to my wifes diamond.

What I am saying (in my lack of sleep induced rambling) is get the best diamond you can afford.
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kaseyha
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2005-07-30, 00:20

Yeah the diamond I bought was almost perfectly square, which is unusual for princess cut. High clarity and almost perfectly colorless. Looking back, it amazes me how much you end up learning about jewelry when buying an engagement ring.

Maybe this is why the man is expected to pick out the ring, its training for what you have to continue doing for the rest of your life.
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kretara
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2005-07-30, 00:22

Too true. The giving of little sparkley baubles is activelly encouraged by the opposite sex, especially after marriage.
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Kickaha
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Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-07-30, 01:49

Heh. I lucked out.

My wife and I went ring shopping together after I proposed sans-ring. (She had said before that she'd like to have a say in such a ring.) We walked into a jewelry store on a lark that we needed to be buzzed into through a large security system.

We glanced over the offerings, and one caught my eye, an intricate carved platinum ring with a smallish diamond. Elegant, understated. She looked at it, and said "Naw, not really my style." She passed over the 3ct. (no I'm not kidding) rocks and found a *gorgeous* subtle .4ct diamond with matching sapphires in a platinum setting.

She had homed in on the most expensive ring in the house, $37,000. No, I have no idea why it was that much. We just laughed that she'd homed in on it, even though it was a lot less 'impressive' than many others. She has good taste.

Flash forward about four months, and we've been to just about every store in the area. We finally visit a small local shop that we'd heard good things about, and she sees a setting she loves. Intricate carved platinum, .26ct...

Turns out it was done by the same sculptor as the one I'd picked out months before, and was almost the same ring to boot. I rawk.

We worked out a new design based on the one she liked, I designed a matching ring for myself, and then it came time for the stone.

She insisted on a CZ, 'until we can afford a proper stone for it.' She rawks too.

Congrats Yontsey, have fun with it.
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Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2005-07-30, 08:17

I would say there's nothing wrong with getting your better half a nice stone, however you need to evaluate if she's the kind of woman who would really appreciate that or the kind who would rather have something simple on her finger, so that you can use the rest of that money for an extra long honeymoon, etc. Someone women aren't jewelry-crazy and prefer to have money spent on the two of you as it were. Something nice for your first home like a whirlpool or whatever.

...into the light of a dark black night.
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alcimedes
I shot the sherrif.
 
Join Date: May 2004
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2005-07-30, 08:28

I hate diamonds. Only one I ever bought, or ever will buy was for my wife's wedding ring.

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Wyatt
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2005-07-30, 08:33

I'm lucky enough to have a girlfriend that drags me into jewelry stores every time we're in the mall, so I already have an idea of what she wants. Now I just need to come up with the $1,000 or so I'll need to get it. Sheesh... maybe I don't want to get married

I actually realistically have close to a year and a half before I'll pull the trigger. I think I can come up with a spare grand by then. It'll just take a lot of hard work to convince myself not to buy an iBook with it.

Twitter: bwyatt | Xbox: @playsbadly | Instagram: @bw317
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turtle
Lord of the Rant.
Formerly turtle2472
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Upstate South Carolina
 
2005-07-30, 08:57

Congrats on the plan! You can never really spend too much. I will say your should avoid going into great debt though. If you can't pay cash then please for the sake of the coming marriage minimize the debt. That being said, find out what she likes and try to fit that. It will show you are listening to her taste. In my case; my wife wanted to wear her mothers wedding and engagement rings (soldered together) as her engagement ring and have me custom build a wedding ring. I then had her mothers ring taken to the jeweler where he molded it and built a ring with three small diamonds and three sapphires. She still loves it to this day, 4 years later (Aug 11).

Louis L'Amour, “To make democracy work, we must be a nation of participants, not simply observers. One who does not vote has no right to complain.â€
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Last edited by turtle : 2005-07-30 at 12:42.
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Naderfan
Queen of Confrontation
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Ohio
 
2005-07-30, 09:30

Speaking as the recipient to a gorgeous engagement ring, I can tell you that no matter how big or small it is, the fact that you are proposing is even better. As long as you put in some thought to what you buy, I'm sure she'll love it.

My engagement ring is a 1ct. oval on a very plain white gold setting. I love it. And my husband picked it out himself, which was even more impressive. I'd say definitely go for quality over size. My mother in law has an engagement ring with a diamond that takes up half her finger. It's huge, and it just looks way to showy. I don't know what the exact word is I'm looking for. It's just too much. It also, from what I've read, costs a bit less to go for a .9 rather than a 1 ct diamond, and they're still pretty much the same. Make sure you get a good cut, because no matter how big the diamond is, if it's a crappy cut, it won't sparkle as much and just won't look as good.

Also, if you want to throw the jeweller for a loop, ask them if they can verify it's not a conflict diamond. (Diamonds that are sold by rebel groups to raise money for their wars).
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Yontsey
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
 
2005-07-30, 12:16

thanks everyone, HUGE help, ill definatly look for quality over quantity, maybe ill scale it down from 1ct to get a better cut/clarity and thanks a lot Naderfan cuz its always great having an opinion from the opposite side. i think i may start looking online just to get an idea of what i want and then head to the jewlery stores later on so im not going in blind. thanks a lot again!
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Trumpetman
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Join Date: May 2004
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2005-07-30, 13:47

My wife and I didn't get engaged. We dated, decided to get married and promptly eloped.

I really don't see why the tradition of engagement rings continues. I mean is her family going to pay your family a dowry for goodness sakes?

Buy a nicer wedding set for you both and skip the engagement ring nonsense I say.

Nick

Last edited by Trumpetman : 2005-07-30 at 15:10.
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GSpotter
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: A small town near Wolfsburg, Germany
 
2005-07-30, 14:02

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moogs
Someone women aren't jewelry-crazy and prefer to have money spent on the two of you as it were.
I have one of those
. We didn't have an enagement ring at all (it is not really customary here anyway). Our wedding rings are plain (just a combination of gold and white gold without any jewels). Instead of a more expensive ring, she wanted to have a dog (something I wasn't too happy at that time, so she knew I couldn't say no to her on that wish ).

So instead of compressed carbon, my wife preferred carbon based life forms.
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Wyatt
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2005-07-30, 14:31

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trumpetman
My wife and I didn't get engaged. We dated, decided to get married and promptly eloped.

I really don't see why the tradition of engagement rings continues. I mean is her family going to pay your family a dowry fo goodness sakes?

Buy a nicer wedding set for you both and skip the engagement ring nonsense I say.

Nick
Sometimes I hate being a traditionalist, and this is one of those areas that it kills me in. I could afford to <i>be</i> married right now, I just can't afford to <i>get</i> married the way my girlfriend and I want to. Traditionalism is hell sometimes. (although I'm sure once it's all said and done, I'll be glad we did it the "traditional" way, but right now it kind of pisses me off)

Twitter: bwyatt | Xbox: @playsbadly | Instagram: @bw317
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Trumpetman
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2005-07-30, 15:22

Quote:
Originally Posted by fcgriz
Sometimes I hate being a traditionalist, and this is one of those areas that it kills me in. I could afford to <i>be</i> married right now, I just can't afford to <i>get</i> married the way my girlfriend and I want to. Traditionalism is hell sometimes. (although I'm sure once it's all said and done, I'll be glad we did it the "traditional" way, but right now it kind of pisses me off)
I hate big spending on weddings. I am so glad my wife and I decided to elope. It is one day out of your life and shouldn't be the big expensive deal it is made out to be. Considering one of the leading causes of divorce and marital fights are money concerns, this should be even more true.

It isn't "traditional" in any fashion to drop massive dough on a wedding. It is the industry that has grown up around marriage that communicates this nonsense.

The nicest wedding I ever attended was held at the house of the parents of the bride. They had a very nice deck where the wedding was held and afterward the reception was in the backyard. The church "pews" where picnic table benches. Afterward we pulled said benches over to the tables and ate at the reception which consisted of foods that everyone had brought. The couple were young, about twenty or so and he was leaving for military service. It a beautiful moment.

The most expensive wedding I ever attended had the bride and her rich father blowing through ten grand in the first month of planning alone and it took a year to plan. Their wedding gift from their father was a condo in Northridge, California, a very expensive place to live. They had lived together for four years before getting married and dated for a total of six years. They were divorced within a year after getting married.

Planning a marriage should be a process where you determine and discover the set of values you will use to enjoy your life together. It shouldn't be about spending enough money on one day that it will take the rest of your life to pay off.

I don't think the wedding set and the wedding for my wife and I even hit a thousand dollars. We've had ten wonderful years together and part of that success, in my opinion, is because we started off building a life together instead of digging out of a hole together.

Nick

Last edited by Trumpetman : 2005-07-30 at 15:23.
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Kickaha
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Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-07-30, 16:39

Yeah, my wife's engagement ring was also her wedding ring - she liked it so much, she didn't want to screw up the design by adding anything to it.

Our wedding was really strange - we ended up lucking into a tremendously ritzy location during a short period when they decided that July was an off-month for weddings. (WTF?) If we'd had it in June or August, it would have been over twice as much. But it was crazy... a wedding and reception for 100 people in NC, then a week later a reception for another 80 in WA.

As it was, we had our wedding and reception at The Carolina Inn. A brief standing ceremony in the Bryan Courtyard by her family's pastor, and the reception in the Old Well Room. Incredibly elegant and lovely... and it cost a lot less than most other weddings we've attended that weren't nearly as cool. The ambiance of the place meant we didn't have to do squat for decoration, and *everything* was included, from food to an open bar to service, to tables, chairs, cleanup... the works, one flat fee. The Inn folks were fantastic.

At the end of the reception, we grabbed a bunch of friends, dressed down to shorts and tshirts, and hit a local dive bar until it closed (He's Not, for all the Triangle folks), and then off to the 24hr fried chicken and biscuit shop (Time Out). Utter dichotomies. My wife got some *great* looks... she still had her hair up and the wedding headpiece in while we pubcrawled.

Last edited by Kickaha : 2005-07-30 at 16:45.
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Amadeus
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Massachusetts
 
2005-07-30, 16:40

IMHO it would be prudent to wait until you have your intended to purchase the ring. Just think it's the right thing to shop for the ring together. In my case we also got the diamonds from my wife's grandmother, So we just picked out her engagement, wedding, and my ring.
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GSpotter
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: A small town near Wolfsburg, Germany
 
2005-07-30, 17:20

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kickaha
The ambiance of the place
I should have mentioned that we were married in the church with the worlds tallest steeple: The Ulmer Münster. Some japanese tourists now have some photos of our wedding, too
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Kickaha
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-07-30, 17:29

Sweeeeeet.

We had a guest exchange program, apparently. One of my wife's cousins hadn't seen her in 12 years, and ended up at the wrong reception for almost 45 minutes before he figured it out. Had dinner and a drink to boot... and even signed their guest book with well wishes to *us*. I'm sure they were pretty confused.

Then, one of their guests in his formal Navy uniform came and poked his head in and rather plaintively asked if he could come hang out with us, because it looked like we were having a much better time than the other party. We have a few pictures with him in them, and never did get his name.

Last edited by Kickaha : 2005-07-30 at 17:31.
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Yontsey
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
 
2005-07-30, 17:30

oh wow, thats beautiful...i swear reading all these stories and such, i feel like im getting in over my head, not relationship-wise just the wedding and stuff...haha you guys are so helpful though, keep em comin!
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Kickaha
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Join Date: May 2004
 
2005-07-30, 17:39

Whatever you do... relax, and have fun. It's your day, not for the random family member who is going to throw a tantrum if it doesn't go their way. And trust me, spending massive amounts of moolah on the day isn't really worth it. During the ceremony, no one else may as well exist, but you two. During the reception, you're going to be bounced around so much that it's a good idea to assign someone else to make sure you get some food and don't pass out from low blood sugar. No, I'm really not kidding. Seen it happen. Our best man and maid of honor stepped up and made sure we had a steady stream of food in our hands. In either case, you're not going to be noticing much around you.
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GSpotter
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Join Date: May 2004
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2005-07-30, 18:02

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yontsey
keep em comin!
We had our wedding party in a restaurant near a home for older people where my wife used to work as a nurse. Later in the evening, she decided to visit a man she used to nurse. She had once promised to visit him when she married. I must add that we married on the "fasching" (i.e. mardi gras) weekend where many people were costumed. My wife had a great crinoline dress as wedding gown (which we found suitable for our church (which looked roughly like a more simple version of this). So naturally, at first he thought we just had some cool costumes, but my wife finally convinced him that it was her real marriage. It was a very emotional moment when he realised that she had kept her promise...
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kretara
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Join Date: May 2004
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2005-07-30, 22:17

We had our weeding at an old run down Catholic (wife demanded this) church next to Northeastern Univeristy in Boston and we had our reception at the Museum of Transportation in Larz Anderson Park in Brookline.
The reception was fully catered with an open bar and we had a little over 100 people at the reception. We managed to blow $12,000 on this fucking thing. To this day I am still kind of angry about it, but my wife demanded that she had to have the big 'Cinderella' wedding. BTW, I'm still paying off the wedding and honeymoon and its been 7 years now. We went on a 2 week cruise of the Mediterranean ($15,000) for our honeymoon. And, we had to pay for everything ourselves.

My best advice. Elope. If you can't elope then don't ever put yourself in debt for a wedding. I was stupid and let my wife push for a big fucking 'New England' wedding and we are still paying for it. Even she is pissed at herself because of the dept burden on her wedding.
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scrouds
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Orlando, FL
 
2005-07-31, 08:10

why spend all that money for a ring? just break out a couple of cracker jack boxes and start digging!

seriously, though, congrats, and thanks everyone for sharing your stories, they are really interesting.
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turtle
Lord of the Rant.
Formerly turtle2472
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Upstate South Carolina
 
2005-07-31, 13:04

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kickaha
Whatever you do... relax, and have fun. It's your day, not for the random family member who is going to throw a tantrum if it doesn't go their way. And trust me, spending massive amounts of moolah on the day isn't really worth it. During the ceremony, no one else may as well exist, but you two. During the reception, you're going to be bounced around so much that it's a good idea to assign someone else to make sure you get some food and don't pass out from low blood sugar. No, I'm really not kidding. Seen it happen. Our best man and maid of honor stepped up and made sure we had a steady stream of food in our hands. In either case, you're not going to be noticing much around you.
Kickaha is right on this one!!! My wife and I had a great formal Baptist type wedding in a great church (my old home church) with three pastors doing the ceremony. Now all of them were my wife's friends with the exception of the one who actually helped us with the vows, that was her father. I can tell you I remember little about if the bows were on the pews correctly, or if all the flower arrangements were in place. Once the service was over we went to the reception where we mingled and had one, yes only one bite of our cake and that was because it was the one we fed each other. Then when it came time for food we kinda nibbled as we went since we were too busy to stop for much with all the family photos and such. However, my Best Man (aka brother) was nice enough to send food with us in the limo back to the hotel.

Bottom line: This day is for you and your wife, not anyone else. Do what is right for you and not them. One other thing my wife and I learned, when it comes to picture time they normally take pictures of the bride. Make sure they take singles of you too. We didn't get a single shot of just me, this means no frame with me on one side and her on the other.

Louis L'Amour, “To make democracy work, we must be a nation of participants, not simply observers. One who does not vote has no right to complain.â€
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