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Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
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Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-03-04, 15:29

I saw that and lol'd.

The phone was stolen like two years ago, in Vegas, and I wouldn't want it anyway because it was on Sprint (sorry Luca).
  quote
Majost
monkey with a tiny cymbal
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Lost
 
2010-03-04, 23:06

Dear fellow engineering school recruits (and hosting graduate students):

I know we're all engineers, but good god could at least one of you break the stereotype and be able to sustain eye contact and speak confidently? Please!? I'm tired of carrying this damn conversation.

All the best,
Someone who fucking knows how to talk
  quote
Partial
Stallion
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Milwaukee
 
2010-03-04, 23:37

Dear girl with very large bouncing breasts on the treadmill next to me earlier.

Thank you!

Best,
Peripheral Observer
  quote
Xaqtly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-03-05, 00:07

I'm sorry, but I had to mention this. Regarding my letter to my brain on the previous page: I was reading Wil Wheaton's blog, and he mentioned his brain making him feel stupid. I thought that was a nice parallel, so I reposted my letter to my brain in the comments for his blog post.

He responded with "That is seriously one of the funniest things I've ever read."

So just so we're clear, I just wrote one of the funniest things Wil Wheaton has ever read. That's like winning gold in the geek olympics or something.

I've been completely geeking out and squeeeing for about 6 hours straight now. That's how much of a nerd I am.

Carry on!
  quote
Bryson
Rocket Surgeon
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Whitby
 
2010-03-05, 00:58

Dear Beer.

I love you.

Me.
  quote
SpecMode
Wait what
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: NorCal
 
2010-03-05, 02:27

Dear asshole who passed me (and the slowpoke in front of me) across the double-yellow lines with the oncoming truck wondering WTF you were thinking,

Fuck you. I hope your truck ended up over the side of a cliff a half-mile down the road for your stupidity, you idiot.

Sincerely, me.
  quote
ezkcdude
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2010-03-05, 07:47

Dear me,
You're awesome.
-secret admirer
  quote
ezkcdude
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2010-03-05, 07:50

Dear Hannah,
Sorry, I made fun of your wardrobe. I really just didn't understand why you were so opposed to the idea of fucking me. I guess I shouldn't have taken it out on you on air.
-Tony
  quote
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2010-03-05, 08:21

Dear lawyers,

Apparently the old perv who was coming on to me is named "Tony". I just got this weird apology letter. I think it's restraining order time.

Your favorite underage Disney star,
Hannah Montana


The quality of this board depends on the quality of the posts. The only way to guarantee thoughtful, informative discussion is to write thoughtful, informative posts. AppleNova is not a real-time chat forum. You have time to compose messages and edit them before and after posting.
  quote
drewprops
Magnificent Basturdâ„¢
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2010-03-05, 08:29

Is there some Hannah news I've missed? (seriously out of touch w/ H'wood these days)
  quote
ezkcdude
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2010-03-05, 09:01

Ok, you guys obviously don't watch PTI. (I hate when I have to 'splain a joke.)

ESPN suspends PTI's Tony Kornheiser for harmless rant about Hannah Storm's outfit.

  quote
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2010-03-05, 09:09

Aw, shucks. And here I was hoping "Tony" and "Hannah" were just some real-world shmoes you knew.

But, good lord, that outfit is horrifying. Put that weapon of mass destruction behind a spoiler tag or something!

The quality of this board depends on the quality of the posts. The only way to guarantee thoughtful, informative discussion is to write thoughtful, informative posts. AppleNova is not a real-time chat forum. You have time to compose messages and edit them before and after posting.
  quote
murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2010-03-05, 09:21

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xaqtly View Post
Love,
The sack of meat that lives only to serve the glorious brain I SAID CUT THE SHIT.
That is a hilarious post, man.
  quote
murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2010-03-05, 09:23

Whether he deserves the suspension for the comments or not, anything that gets him off TV is good in my books. I hate that bastard with a passion. Enjoy your time off and eat shit while you're at it, you hobo looking old sonofabitch.
  quote
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2010-03-06, 18:28

Dear neighbor's dog,

Shut the hell up for a little while so I can sleep, k? How can your little doggy lungs and throat not be exhausted after hours and hours of continual yapping?

disgruntled

The quality of this board depends on the quality of the posts. The only way to guarantee thoughtful, informative discussion is to write thoughtful, informative posts. AppleNova is not a real-time chat forum. You have time to compose messages and edit them before and after posting.
  quote
BuonRotto
Not sayin', just sayin'
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Durham, NC
Send a message via AIM to BuonRotto Send a message via Yahoo to BuonRotto  
2010-03-07, 10:44

Dear UNC Men's Basketball,

If you don't care, don't show up to play. I thought you lacked confidence all year, and every team has bad years, but last night you showed that you just didn't give a damn for the one time you had to at least give a damn. You are despicable and hopeless. Be gone.

Adamantly,

Husband of the biggest Tarheel fan in the world
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-03-08, 11:30

Dear Shamrock Shake,

I'm not mad at you. I'm just...dissappointed.

Yours but once a year,
Robo
  quote
kieran
Tweeting @kierankelly
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: New York City
 
2010-03-08, 16:38

Dear food that I got for lunch from my favorite lunch cart,

Please stop trying to escape.

Sincerely,
KK's stomach.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-03-08, 17:35

Dear LEGO bricks,

Why aren't you cubes? It would make everything so much easier. I know, I know, #firstworldproblems amirite?

Frustrated,
Robo

---

Dear overzealous iPhone autocorrect,

Stop it. You know what I'm talking about. I know, I know, #firstworldproblems again...

Frustrated,
Robo

---

Dear Frustrated Robo,

Stop being so frustrated! You have things pretty good, even if the LEGO model of your dream house looks squished. I mean, really.

Think about it.

But iPhone autocorrect? Shit yeah, that's a travesty.

Thinking of you,
Introspective Robo
  quote
evan
Formerly CoachKrzyzewski
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Send a message via AIM to evan  
2010-03-08, 18:03

Quote:
Originally Posted by BuonRotto View Post
Dear UNC Men's Basketball,

If you don't care, don't show up to play. I thought you lacked confidence all year, and every team has bad years, but last night you showed that you just didn't give a damn for the one time you had to at least give a damn. You are despicable and hopeless. Be gone.

Adamantly,

Husband of the biggest Tarheel fan in the world
Dear UNC Men's Basketball,

you guys rock

All the best,

Coach K
  quote
Xaqtly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-03-08, 19:57

Dear Roberto's Breakfast Burrito,

Stop being so god damned delicious. Every morning you tempt me with your bacony wiles, and I am sick to death of it. Contained within that freshly made tortilla there are about 8 million calories just dying to make themselves acquainted with my innards.

Why should you care, you ask? I'll tell you why, you unbelievably tasty little bastard; because the fatter I get, the more of you I'm going to eat. Pretty soon you and all your kind will be extinct, and who will be to blame? Who?

You will. You and your mouth watering contents. And don't think that salsa roja is getting a free ride either, he's just as much to blame for this as you are.

I swear to god you mexi-fried explosion of flavor, get off my jock or I will EAT YOU.

To DEATH.

Love,

A Concerned Samaritan
  quote
pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-03-08, 20:36

Dear Woman Playing Pool at the Pub Who I've Had a Crush on for About Four Months Now,

Who knew someone looking like the best parts of Kristin Wiig and Kate Gosselin could be so damn enticing. But you've got it going on, sweetpea.

- The Guy at the Bar
  quote
Partial
Stallion
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Milwaukee
 
2010-03-08, 21:37

Dear back,

I'm sorry that I did you wrong yesterday. Thank you for the relatively quick recovery! I appreciate it!

Parsh
  quote
BuonRotto
Not sayin', just sayin'
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Durham, NC
Send a message via AIM to BuonRotto Send a message via Yahoo to BuonRotto  
2010-03-09, 10:17

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoachKrzyzewski View Post
Dear UNC Men's Basketball,

you guys rock

All the best,

Coach K

Dear Coach K (the real one, not his namesake on these boards),

How do you persuade folks up north to think that you're some kind of sweet, upstanding guy, when you're clearly a shrill, foul-mouthed, abusive, rat-faced, hypocritical, thuggish version of your mentor, Bobby Knight. Knight was at least sincere and wide open! I'll give you this: you play the media and the refs well.

Sincerely,

Buon






  quote
Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Send a message via AIM to Capella  
2010-03-09, 11:45

Dear body,

Leave me alone for a month. I mean it. Breakthrough bleeding, norovirus, and scabies? In one week? When I have to pay for all this out of pocket? I don't care what it is next time, I'm not treating it. We can't do this anymore.

No love,

Capella

"A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras
twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder
  quote
drewprops
Magnificent Basturdâ„¢
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2010-03-11, 18:03

Dear person who has email address like

onepersonisallittakesinthisworld @ gmail . com

and is begging me for information on how to get into the film business

take a chill pill and get out of my face with your relentless

whatever it is that you call it because you annoy me in ways that I

cannot describe.


And being annoyed with ANYONE annoys me.


...

Steve Jobs ate my cat's watermelon.
Captain Drew on Twitter
  quote
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2010-03-11, 22:05

Thread split! Future Olympics locations?
  quote
tomoe
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Send a message via AIM to tomoe  
2010-03-11, 22:18

Dear Madge,

What the fuck are you doing with Ricky Gervais and Larry David? You're exhausting.

Love,
guy who shouldn't have bothered turning on the television
  quote
Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Send a message via AIM to Capella  
2010-03-12, 15:15

Dear Apple,

New MBP now?

Love,

Capella
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-03-12, 15:18

Dear Capella,

Wait until Tuesday.

Love,

Apple
  quote
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