[psmith2.0]

Sorry...I was momentarily possessed by murbot! I normally don't talk that way...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/0....ap/index.html

First, a year or so ago, she said she was going to retire. "From WHAT?!?", I asked.

Then she wanted to make sure people knew how to be a princess. She even wrote a book! I had my thoughts on that too.

Then she got engaged, and - horrors - it didn't take. And I'd already bought some plates.

So now she's going to give the downstairs a rest. Bless her heart.

As is often the case in these types of stories, allow me to highlight a few choice, insightful nuggets from the above article:

Paris Hilton says she is sick of boyfriends and is celibate.

Yeah, that's the first paragraph. We're already off and running, and already into hilarious territory. $5 says she gives it up by October 3. Or August 9.

"I'm not having sex for a year. ... I'll kiss, but nothing else," says Hilton, who told the magazine she has had sex with only two men during her lifetime.

Does anyone here believe either of those two statements? And does she have a list of what she'll kiss? Inquiring minds want to know.

Of the videotape with Rick Solomon that became one of the most searched-for items on the Internet in 2003, she said: "I never received a dime from it. It's just dirty money and he should give it all to some charity for the sexually abused or something."

...she says without a trace of irony. "Like, drunken homemade porn is so TOTALLY a great vehicle to raise awareness about sexual abuse. That's all, like, what I'm into now, and stuff. That's hot!".

The Hilton Hotels heir and uber-socialite told the magazine she is "very shy" and relates to the late Princess Diana, who was hounded by photographers.

Yes, she does strike me as the shy, retiring type. It's very hard to find a pic of her, being such a reclusive, stay-at-home girl and all...some take-out Chinese, a Blockbuster rental, etc. I've always thought she should get out more. Party, see the world, party some more, etc. She's young, and should really live it up and make an effort to be seen a bit more. Soon she'll be 25 and it'll all be downhill from there!

Hilton also told the magazine she collects $500,000 in fees just to show up at parties and other events from Las Vegas to Tokyo. Her best-paying gig, she said, was a recent Austrian appearance. "I had to say 'hi' and tell them why I loved Austria so much," she is quoted as saying. And why does she like Austria? "Because they pay me $1 million to wave at crowds!"

This is the part where I place the barrel inside my mouth and contemplate that whole "trigger-pulling" thing...



Paris, we love you. Well, not really. But you always come through with the goods. Best of luck on the out-of-service cooter thing. See you NEXT summer when you're open for business again!

Your friend,
Paul

[Banana]

Originally Posted by pscates2.0 Paris, we love you. Specifically, we'd love to see you drop dead. Your friend, Paul

T, FTFY.



Wait, wait, hold on...

This is fucking rich...

When asked about British Prime Minister Tony Blair, her response was: "Who? ... Oh, yeah, he's like your president. I don't know what he looks like."

The article said she "displayed some political illiteracy."

Fucking understatement.

[psmith2.0]

Naw, she can't drop dead. We need people like that...they're good entertainment!

She'll provide us all with chuckles and opportunities to flex our mockery muscles for years and years to come. She's a goldmine! She says/does something extremely boneheaded at least twice a year. You can set your clock by it.

[torifile]

Well, she's liken herself to Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe, saying that every generation needs a blonde icon to keep them occupied. I'll try to find a link for it. She's nuts.

edit: here's the link. She thinks there's an iconic blonde every decade. Apparently she's this one's.

[alcimedes]

Maybe her herpes flaired up.

[Sauvblanc]

Actually, Paul, you were a lot closer to the mark than you think. Apparently Paris has hooked up again with the ex (Nachos or something?) very recently. Methinks that the clam will be open for business again soon.

I really can't quite believe it-guys don't go out with Paris because she fills an intellectual void in their lives. I mean-seriously-what could you possibly have to talk with her about? They go out with her because she doesn't wear underwear and can probably suck the chrome off a bumper.

*sigh*. What a waste of oxygen...and not even an attractive waste of oxygen, to boot.

[blakbyrd]

Hilarious.

[Sauvblanc]

Maybe someone should sign her up for human clinical trials of this anti-stupidity pill that's supposedly being developed.

Link

Although, then again, he does state that it's supposed to help short-term memory retention and attentiveness, so it might not help too much...

I can think of a lot of other people who could use a good handful of anti-stupidity pills...

[Matsu]

In related news the centre for disease control is announcing a reallocation of resources in its global battle against STDs...

[AWR]

Originally Posted by alcimedes Maybe her herpes flaired up.

This, in all it's hilarity, is strong candidate for the real reason.

I don't know PH from a whole in the wall (/crashes cymbal/). She seems like a lovely girl from the videos I've seen.

[psmith2.0]

Originally Posted by torifile Well, she's liken herself to Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe, saying that every generation needs a blonde icon to keep them occupied. I'll try to find a link for it. She's nuts. edit: here's the link. She thinks there's an iconic blonde every decade. Apparently she's this one's.

Yeah, but even if you ignore her idiot statements on the subject and look at the COVERAGE she manages to get (and not just from the silly "entertainment" press...the above link is from CNN's "top stories" listing, as is most of her past statements and deeds), I can see where she might think that. And obviously the media thinks we can't live without her, and need to know her every statement, action, screw-up, misstep, love interest, business venture, scandal, etc.



It's just very telling that someone like her - of all people - is in this alleged position of "America's sweetheart".

No discernible talent or special abilities (unless you saw that video, I suppose), and seemingly as empty and vapid as they come.

Yes, the above describes plenty of young Hollywood starlets and singing pop tarts, but the worst of them can at least get by on beauty or some hint of sex appeal. Ms. Hilton lacks both, yet STILL manages to hold this mantle and get all this attention.

I. Do. Not. Get. It.



A mystery for the ages, this girl.

Here's what's funny: last night, flipping through the channels, I saw her on THREE news segments in the space of about 30-45 minutes: I saw her on CNN (in a report about the "celibate" thing), there was a clip of her on E! partying and dancing on a platform at some club (she's shy, remember...but in her defense, she was probably treating the public to one last viewing of the Hilton Tunnel before it closes its doors for a year) to "raise awareness for clean oceans" and then she was on Access Hollywood or one of those early evening entertainment shows, at some function, flashbulbs going everywhere.

She IS this generation's Marilyn or Diana...and that both scares AND depresses the shit out of me. Are we THAT starved or desperate for heroes and idols to hang our hopes on and cheer for? Honestly?

[Banana]

Just imagine what if aliens came to earth and asked who is leader and thought it was Paris...

[psmith2.0]

Could you blame them? She's on TV and the news more than most world leaders, including ours.

This fake-baked, orange carrot with a Barbie wig and bony knees...that's the symbol of our culture.

We deserve everything we get. And we get everything we deserve.

[Partial]

Hey, I am a fan of hers. She's a rich hottie willing to please her man.

[ironlung]

Hilton, who told the magazine she has had sex with only two men during her lifetime.

I think she meant had sex with only two men on video.

[BuonRotto]

The real lesson in all of this: stop reading and watching CNN.

[murbot]

Thumbs up on the thread title, Paul.

[PKIDelirium]

Paris Hilton says she is sick of boyfriends and is celibate.

...

[psmith2.0]

But they're the news outlet to beat all news outlets...the 800lb. gorilla...the big cheese...the ones who started it all.



Actually, I purposely cite/quote them in any and all stories like this. I knew if I showed up with a FoxNews.com story or link, no matter how legit, the thread would derail immediately into "FOX sucks!" hysterics.

You know I'm right...a few of you seem to live for that shit. So I always make sure to use CNN, CBS, New York Times, the AP and other "legit, respected" outlets (no Fox, no Drudge, no right-of-center blogs or sites, etc.) so as to give you people nowhere to go on bitching about the source link.



I do it because I care.

[psmith2.0]

Originally Posted by murbot Thumbs up on the thread title, Paul.

Thanks, my man. I figured you'd approve. It struck me as very murbot-esque.

[faramirtook]

Originally Posted by PKIDelirium ...

[psmith2.0]

Are those real birds?

[Ichiban_jay]

Originally Posted by faramirtook

It's turning into one of those posts...

[Foj]

This sounds like a job for MacGyver.

[sCreeD]

My first thought: "What? Buffy's finally closing the Hellmouth!?"

That is all.

[autodata]

wow. How much of a whore does someone have to be to make international news by *not* having sex?

[psmith2.0]

That's the best take on it I've heard. Perfect.

[Sauvblanc]

Too bad it wasn't something else...

OK, So Paris has a kinkajou. It bit her. A superficial bite. And the media trips over itself to report this?

Is anyone else as exasperated with both the media and this attention-seeking whore as I am?

Isn't there a single news executive out there with a shred of dignity and a spine who actually takes a look at the big picture and says..."So Paris got bitten. Hmmm...let's see...we're teetering on the brink of WWIII, an allegedly serious terrorist plot just got broken up, Iraq is still a mess. Oil prices are still high. Two conjoined twins were separated recently-how are they doing? Well...you know, people get bitten by their pets all the time. An AN member's dog got bitten by a rattlesnake and nearly died. So, all in all, do we give a flying fuck about some newly celibate dumb blonde whore getting a superficial scratch from a wild animal that she keeps as a pet? No! Let's report on some real news for a change!"

Has the media truly lost its way? Has it gone WAY past the point of no return?

*sigh* (OK, so that was a little overboard but it does convey what I'm feeling...)

[DMBand0026]

"I'm not having sex for a year. ... I'll kiss, but nothing else," says Hilton, who told the magazine she has had sex with only two men during her lifetime.

I wonder if Paris realizes that 63 a day ≠ 2 in her lifetime. She's never really impressed me with her "intelligence" though.

[Moogs]

Paul I think clam is giving too much credit. Decaying Beaver or Wide-load Oyster Barn might be more uh... well not appropriate. Accurate.