[kscherer]

I would love to see the Republicrats have a write-in contest to see which party gets the most votes for the neighbor's dog!

It's desperation time. It's old Sir-Grab-Em-By-The-Pussy, or His-Royal-Dimentia-Falls-Down-A-Lot.

'Murica!

I can see that Muppets singer being a good alternative.

[709]

Oi! No disrespecting Janice. Zoot was a lucky man.

[drewprops]

Originally Posted by 709 Oi! No disrespecting Janice. Zoot was a lucky man.

Danged Skippy.
What a trippy lady

...

[kscherer]

Those lips!

[psmith2.0]

Originally Posted by 709 Oi! No disrespecting Janice. Zoot was a lucky man.

No disrespect to Janice whatsoever. It's all reserved for that flake teacher upthread.

I got no beef with a Muppet.

[kscherer]

I gotta hit this up before Paul gets to it!

"Police stop Nebraska man for bucking the law with a bull riding shotgun in his car"

Oh, my goodness, the cattle-gate. Because

Rednecks gonna redneck!

I'm not sure what possesses anyone on planet Earth to attempt such a thing, but I bet TikTok has something to do with it.

"I'm gonna put this 2000 pound bull in my Vic and go for a ride!"

Makes me wonder if he had Johnny Cash playing. "It's a fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three …"

Tasty-Burger is jamming along, banging his head and swinging them horns, smashing VW's and knocking little old ladies out of their Buicks.

What the hell, man? I'm calling bullshit!

[psmith2.0]

Originally Posted by kscherer I gotta hit this up before Paul gets to it! "Police stop Nebraska man for bucking the law with a bull riding shotgun in his car"

That headline caused me to have to read it 4-5 times. I was like "does the bull have a firearm? Of course he was pulled over!", and then I was like is it one of those Urban Cowboy mechanical bulls with a shotgun strapped to it?" Then I was like "is 'bull-riding' a descriptor, so it's a shotgun that was used/won in a recent rodeo?!"

No matter what, I was only seeing/picturing "shotgun" as a brandished, visible weapon (these days, I couldn't be blamed), vs. slang for riding in the passenger seat (because, you know, HTF does a bull fit in a passenger seat? Who'd ever consider that possibility upon the first 5-6 readings?

Attention whoredom and stage 4 Look-At-Me-syndrome has reached peak levels. People don't care if they're seen as weird, lame, crazy, moronic, trashy, tacky, etc. just as long as they're seen. I can't even imagine who silly the world is gonna be in another 5-10 years, with more and more people living their lives on/via/for "social media", clicks, likes, follows, comments, etc.

I don't even ride around with Jasper, who'd totally fit in my Toyota with room to spare! To the vet and back is his "car ride" time, once a year or so.

[kscherer]

I just can't stop laughing about it.

Hey, do you need a cattle-gate to get Jasper into the car? Does he ride shotgun, or do you stuff him in a kennel?

I prefer to have my cats racing around the car screaming at flies or hiding behind the break pedal! That makes stopping for the moron in front of you way more entertaining.

[709]

Oh my - if you get far enough into that video you'll get a peek at the back of the car.

[kscherer]

Originally Posted by 709 Oh my - if you get far enough into that video you'll get a peek at the back of the car.

Lice, boy, dog, cow spray.

How can a redneck not like all that? Not sure what your problem is?

[turtle]

That is downright funny there. Who would have thought to bring a bull in a Crown Vic. Yeah, when I saw the headline I was having trouble envisioning what was actually going on with the article. I also wasn't sure I wanted to click because all the sensationalistic/click-bait headlines out there.

It was worthy!

[kscherer]

Ain't that somethin'?

"Not sure I wanna click this thing … ooooooooooo!!"

—

Update: OK, this thing is a parade float. So, now it all makes sense. Dude made a float, drove it to a parade, won best of show, then drove home. It's Nebraska, he's a redneck, it's a parade.

This ain't no looney bin escapee, it's just Hank from down the farm a ways and OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT HE DID!! Don't ever'un do it thetta way?

Perfectly normal 'Murica!

Oh, hell, this is just funnier the more I read.

[psmith2.0]

Originally Posted by kscherer I just can't stop laughing about it. Hey, do you need a cattle-gate to get Jasper into the car? Does he ride shotgun, or do you stuff him in a kennel?

He's got a little plastic carrying case/kennel thing. Big enough for him to take a few steps, turn and sit/lay however it likes (it's not tiny). I put a towel in there to make it comfy and I just put it in my passenger seat and he just looks at me out the little side window/opening (it has little metal grid/bars in it). The vet is super close (a three-minute drive, four tops), but there are 3-4 traffic lights between here and there and I don't want him getting under my brake OR gas pedal and causing problems. He just rides, and then when they put us in a little exam room at the appointment, I open the door and he walks out onto the table and plops down.

[psmith2.0]

*Of all the crazy, WTF? news articles I've shared here over the years, this might be the topper, and my new favorite. Nobody underprivileged or of-color (or assigned a vagina at birth) died, so everyone can relax and stow that wagging finger back in your pocket... Somebody just wildly, uncontrollably shit all over an airplane, that's all.

Passenger's diarrhea forces Atlanta-to-Spain Delta flight to turn around, mid-flight, and return to Atlanta for cleaning/reset.



We're all adults here, every one of us has experienced a bout of intestinal distress. Have we ever re-routed a major, commercial plane flight because of it? Poor everyone involved, including the offender. I'm sure he/she never wants their identity released. And the other passengers? Whatever meal voucher/free points/miles Delta is offering...it isn't enough.

I don't even want to know/imagine some of the details of this one, it's just too "ugh...". I mean...was the onboard system just overwhelmed? Good grief.

Let the ATL airport Taco Bell food kiosk jokes commence...because you know damn good and well that restaurant was involved. Somehow, someway. Either on or off airport property. Some travel blogger, knowing they had an 8-hour flight to Spain in their immediate future, is driving down Peachtree Blvd., on the way to Hartsfield-Jackson airport and thinking "man, I could really go for one of those Quad Mas Extremo GorditaritoChalupaChanga Beefy Bean & Jalapeño Ass Flogger™ $5 combo meals. What's the worst that could happen?"

Well...you tell me, Conrad. Was it all worth it? Welcome to the uncoolest no-fly roster on the planet. "No traditional weapons produced or threatened. The subject merely proceeded to befoul an entire fucking passenger liner within 90 minutes of take-off...he isn't flying anywhere again, ever. God knows we have his DNA on file. We had to scrape it off the walls, doors, drink carts, various support animals on board, etc."

[turtle]

Two things come to mind:
1) Thank God I wasn't on that flight!
2) Thank God I wasn't the one spreading "biohazard"!



I know that person is likely really mortified by this, or at least I sure hope they are. Everyone on that plane is going to be spending the next week waiting for their own GI disaster assuming it is contagious and they all have it now.

Ewww...

[psmith2.0]

Oh, I didn’t even consider that. I’d already sworn off cruise ships after that “backed up toilets” thing a few years ago. Well guess what? Planes can go to hell now too.

If the name/pic of the “perp” ever gets out, their life will change forever. The jokes will never end.

A Delta flight from Atlanta to Barcelona was forced to turn around and make an emergency landing after a passenger “had diarrhea all the way through the plane.”

An alleged Federal Aviation Authority flight strip was posted on Reddit, which appeared to confirm the situation involved “biohazard” all over the plane.

Did the cretin just remove their pants/underwear entirely and go all Sherwin-Williams on the plane, trying to apply two coats everywhere?

In absence of an emergency cork in an onboard first aid kit, roll up one of those silly catalogs or “lifestyle” magazines that are aboard every plane in existence, and proceed as needed.

Do something other than just spraying the joint.

I’m betting something that explosive and uncontrollable was one of the dreaded “side effects” from one of those televised “ask your doctor about…” pharmaceutical ads we see every single day, dozens of times.

“For mild springtime allergy symptoms, ask your doctor about Zyvoplectin. Possible side effects may include the clap, crossed eyes, loss of hearing, ringworm, throat cramps, lung bleeding, explosive, liquified bowels and the inability to control them, suicidal thoughts (well, yeah…now for sure if all that other stuff happens!), partial coma, complete death. Don’t take Zyvoplectin while driving or operating machinery, swimming in a public pool or taking an 8-hour flight to anywhere, you filthy, disgusting motherfu…”

This story is a podcaster’s dream. At least 3-4 episodes, easy. Hell, it’ll be on my mind for weeks!

If Larry King was still with us, he’d have the offender on tonight.

“Am I, or my suspenders, at any risk of danger tonight? Hehehehe…Omaha, you’re on the air. Go ahead!”

[kscherer]

Actually, I would be looking forward to my name being leaked. In a situation like that, there's no better way to millions than to have a major airline destroy your life for some disgruntled employee's laughs.

You see the ick, I see the potential! Maybe it was on-purpose, like, to get rich!

[psmith2.0]

All you really need to know/read is right there in the headline. Sounds about right, and is such a 2023 headline...

A man damaged a 16th-century Florence fountain while climbing it for a selfie, the latest example of tourists wrecking things



What's wrong with people?

Leave the bison and grizzlies alone, quit climbing on stuff you know you're not supposed to, and quit standing on shaky, fenced/cordoned off cliffsides or rocks...all for a damn "selfie" and some Instagram likes/comments. You can't go through life being that desperate for attention and ignorant.

The "smart"phone is producing/creating some of the "dumbest" people. How many people, in just the past 4-5 years, have literally died for a stupid selfie or "look at me!" bit of footage? Dozens and dozens, that I'm aware of. I have to double/triple that figure to account for all the ones that probably never made the news, or that I never saw/read.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Now, more than ever. Yes, you can film yourself in 4K hopping around on historic artifacts or artwork. But should you? If so, you deserve to get fully stuck with the repair bill. It wouldn't be needing repair if your lame, immature and attenion-whoring ass wasn't climbing/jumping/hanging on it. I don't think there's really much room for debate or excuse-making here. I can't go climb around the Liberty Bell and, if I crack it even worse than it already is, just walk away, trouble-free. Learn how to act, with shit that doesn't belong to you. That heads off 50% of the problems in your life.

[kscherer]

If we're lucky, Florence has a flogging law or something.

No, never mind. We all know what would happen.

Run gauntlet, get caned, pay damages, return home a "victim", post meanies on social media, start Go-Fund-Stupidity, make millions.

[psmith2.0]

I’m all for public flogging/caning. How is that somewhere worse than people acting like unhinged assholes. Make enough examples/reachable moments and you won’t have to do it forever. Eventually the problem solved itself. And if it doesn’t, just keep beating. I have no problem with deserved consequences

[psmith2.0]

Threats, fines, etc. don’t work on this current crop of f-wits. They’ll just snap a pic of the citation/court letter, put it on their Instagram and convince all the other jugheads there of their put-upon “victim” status (“bruh, y they do that 2u, tho?”, “if u wuz white/straight they wouldn’t dare be comin at u like this #murikkka”, and all the other stupid shit moron teens and 20-somethings say in social media comments.

They will, however, respond to a beating. Everyone does. That’s universal.

[kscherer]

Oh, yes, the English learned long ago that 50+ lashes would get folks right in line!

Hell, we can't even slap someone on the wrist anymore without melting snowflakes causing a social media flood.

[psmith2.0]

I’m my willing to roll that dice.

[PB PM]

Originally Posted by kscherer Oh, yes, the English learned long ago that 50+ lashes would get folks right in line! Hell, we can't even slap someone on the wrist anymore without melting snowflakes causing a social media flood.

Does that mean we can come and slap you at your store? You sound okay with that.

[psmith2.0]

And, right on cue. We haven't heard from this idiot in a while...

[psmith2.0]

Originally Posted by PB PM Does that mean we can come and slap you at your store? You sound okay with that.

If he knew he was doing stuff to deserve it, he probably would be.

He's not doing stupid, illegal stuff (and filming/photographing himself in the process). What reason is there to slap Ken, compared to all the millions out there truly deserving/asking for it, day after day? Ken isn't the problem. Morons wrecking ancient art (or nature) for a bit of social media attention are. Big difference.

Everyone wants to talk about "bullying" and this "-ism" or that "-phobia" as the big stuff facing us/holding us down. I think it's rampant, unhinged narcissism and crass attention-whoredom. An entire generation has grown up believing the world truly gives a shit what they're eating for dinner, what craft beer they're drinking, what silly-ass dance routine they've learned, how they put on their makeup, what their pedicure results look like, etc. People are insane.

Last Thursday, me and my cart were blocked, halfway down the pasta/international aisle of Food Lion (Southeastern grocery store chain, and my preferred place to shop), while some chubby, middle-aged housewife type took up the entire aisle (herself, her cart and her lookalike friend) taking selfies of themselves, mugging for the camera, etc. Usually I just turn and go the other way, but I needed a box of linguini and so I said "I need to get where you guys are putting on your little show. Can I not have to be here all damn day, waiting?" and they apologized and immediately moved. I didn't have it in me to further engage them because I knew my eyes would eventually roll out of my head if I had to hear them "explain" what they were up to, and why.

"You're too old for this shit...both of you. What's going on in your house/home life that compels you to act like two 14-year-old junior high chicks in public? Whatever it is, don't take it out on, inconvenience, the rest of us as you work through it..." I so wanted to say, but I knew there was no point.

I'm there, every Thursday, getting groceries for my under-the-weather mom (so she doesn't have to get out in this heat/humidity, carry stuff, stand in long, slow check-out lines with her increasing nerve, bone and mobility issues, and dodge the parking lot panhandlers and assorted riff-raff. My goal is to get in with her emailed list, and then, as quickly as possible, GTFO and back to her house to unload and stow everything where it goes, until next week. That's all. That's all I'm out for on a Thursday afternoon. Not duck-pouting and white-twerking next to the Frosted Flakes.

[kscherer]

Originally Posted by psmith2.0 If he knew he was doing stuff to deserve it, he probably would be.

I learned a long time ago not to climb on the statues.

Originally Posted by psmith2.0 Not duck-pouting and white-twerking next to the Frosted Flakes.

"They're Grrrrrrreat!"

[kscherer]

Originally Posted by PB PM Does that mean we can come and slap you at your store? You sound okay with that.

If you want to come all the way down here from the frozen tundra and slap me, be my guest. Hell, I'll take you out and buy you a beer!

[PB PM]

Originally Posted by kscherer If you want to come all the way down here from the frozen tundra and slap me, be my guest. Hell, I'll take you out and buy you a beer!

Luckily I cannot think of any reason to slap you.

[kscherer]

Originally Posted by PB PM Luckily I cannot think of any reason to slap you.

Oh, good, I feel much better knowing the Canadian's don't want to pummel me.