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Drew's Poo Log


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Drew's Poo Log
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drewprops
Magnificent Basturd™
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-04-19, 22:47

Brownish Tan.
Coherent.
Skinny-tipped tail.
Three segments.
Indeterminate Length.
4 on Griswald's Girth Scale (1 pencil-thin, 10 thick-as-a-brick)
Torpedo-loaded in exit passage.
3 on Murray's Moisture Meter (1 cement, 10 liquid).

IMPORTANT!!
No chatter in here, just your poo results.
Want Chatter? Make a "Poo Log Chatter" thread.
This is SCIENCE.
Make daily entries. Devote your computational time to figuring out the pattern.
Do it for the kids.
You know.
The ones you dropped off at the pool.

Steve Jobs ate my cat's watermelon.
Captain Drew on Twitter
  quote
Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2006-04-19, 22:50



[not chatter]Did Eugene put you up to this? Seems to me last time I saw something like this it was a "Rate my poo" thread in the old forum, and Eug was the culprit. Of course, my memory could suck and I could be totally wrong about that... in which case I apologize.[/not chatter]

PS - Watch out for turtle-heads!

...into the light of a dark black night.
  quote
drewprops
Magnificent Basturd™
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-04-19, 22:54

Please, think of the science.
Your poo Moogs, log your poo.
QUICKLY.
  quote
Matsu
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2006-04-19, 22:56

my poo is a log
  quote
Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2006-04-19, 22:58

Poo Haiku:

(thinking....)

poo is the best when
not discussed among good friends
poo it smells teh funny
  quote
billybobsky
BANNED
I am worthless beyond hope.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Inner Swabia. If you have to ask twice, don't.
 
2006-04-19, 23:05

Vital statistics:

24-12-(138,96,111)

Lenth in centimeters, circumference in centimeters, color in RGB
  quote
drewprops
Magnificent Basturd™
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-04-19, 23:09

tha'ts what we're lookign for, hard data!
kind of a pink poo.
Logged. Timestampted
  quote
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2006-04-19, 23:22

Quote:
Originally Posted by drewprops
tha'ts what we're lookign for, hard data!
We're looking for hard data? But doesn't a medium softness indicate a healthier poo?
  quote
Wickers
is not a kind of basket
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2006-04-20, 00:37

What the...

Drew did you lose a bet or something?

EOC (end of chatter)
  quote
AWR
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: State of Flux
 
2006-04-20, 00:39

t3h liquor, again, perhaps?
  quote
Mac+
9" monochrome
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: I'm here
 
2006-04-20, 00:48

For this to be a real proper poo study you need to include food eaten the night before in the data as well.

I mean, circumference is one thing, but if you could explain why PGBs are immensely satisfying I'm sure that would be of more benefit. Heck, you may even be able to find some funding for something of this nature.

All I want is a simple life
twitter
  quote
Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2006-04-20, 01:18

Well, it looks like I'm eating enough fiber.
  quote
kbk
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Middle of everywhere
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2006-04-20, 03:26

Is this the kind of descriptions you're looking for?

Different Types of Poo

Ghost Poo- You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but none in the toilet.

Teflon Poo- Comes out so slick, clean and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of it on the toilet paper. You have to look in the bowl just to be sure you did it.

Gooey Poo- This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poo leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Poo- You're all done wiping and you're about to stand up when you realize it.........you've got more.

Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo- This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from the strain.

Weight Watchers Poo- You poo so much, you lose several kilograms

Right Now Poo- You better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to the toilet. It usually has its head out before you can get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Poo- This one is so big you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind of poo happens at other peoples houses.

Cork Poo- Even after the third flush, its still floating in the bowl. Just leave it there. ( also known as "Floaters")

Wet Cheeks Poo- This poo hits the water sideways and makes a big splash that gets you all wet.

Wish Poo- You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.

Cement Block Poo- (with extra blue metal) You wish you'd had a spinal block before you pooed.

Snake Poo- This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 foot long.

Beer and Meat Pie poo or After-grog Bog- This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell too bad, but this one is BAD.... Usually this happens at someone else's house and there is someone waiting to use the toilet after you.

Mexican Food Poo- You'll know it's alright to eat again when you bum stops burning.

MacBook Pro (1.83 Ghz 100GB Hard Drive 1GB RAM)
Lois: Peter, you're acting like a child!
Peter: Lois, if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? - a paedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert!
  quote
Mac+
9" monochrome
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: I'm here
 
2006-04-20, 03:48

kbk - are you an Aussie? I could have sworn I saw that in a Catalyst student paper about 14 years ago!
  quote
kbk
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Middle of everywhere
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2006-04-20, 03:50

Aussie Aussie Aussie...OI OI OI

yep sure am

But i didnt write it, i was sent to me by a friend.....made me laugh till I cried..still does

MacBook Pro (1.83 Ghz 100GB Hard Drive 1GB RAM)
Lois: Peter, you're acting like a child!
Peter: Lois, if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? - a paedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert!
  quote
crazychester
Dick in the Abstentia, The
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2006-04-20, 04:41

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbk
Different Types of Poo

Ghost Poo- You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but none in the toilet.
That's not a poo it's a wet fart. I'll believe in ghost poo when I see one with my own eyes.

The person who checks my poos (aka 'My Dear Little Poo Man', 'The Poo Guy', 'The Faecal Factotum') reports that my poo doesn't smell because it comes in special sachets tied up with pink satin bows. Personal Poo Inspectors might not come cheap but the peace of mind from knowing your poo data is in expert hands, is worth every cent.

(This is what happens when we forget to have regular bodily functions threads. One of the mods should be appointed to monitor the situation so the pressure doesn't reach such critical levels in future. We're soooooooo lucky he let it go when he did. I reckon if he tried to hold it in one more day we'd be up to our eyeballs in photoblog.)

Maybe that should be "photobog"......or "photobogblog" perhaps?
  quote
scratt
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: M-F: Thailand Weekends : F1 2010 - Various Tracks!
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2006-04-20, 04:53

Oh dear. What has happened to AN?
  quote
crazychester
Dick in the Abstentia, The
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2006-04-20, 05:13

Quote:
Originally Posted by scratt
Oh dear. What has happened to AN?
Oh come on scratt, don't be coy? You must have seen a few people crap their pants in your line of work. Stands to reason. Besides, you gotta admit knowing scates is gonna be totally disgusted when he sees this thread but will stoically maintain a self-righteous, haughty silence, is pretty fucking neat.
  quote
mattf
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Devonshire - nearly twinned with Narnia
 
2006-04-20, 05:17

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazychester
Maybe that should be "photobog"......or "photobogblog" perhaps?
What? A bit like http://www.ratemypo....

Actually, I'm not going to complete that URL. It can be left as a exercise for the reader (if they so desire - not sure why they would).
  quote
scratt
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: M-F: Thailand Weekends : F1 2010 - Various Tracks!
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2006-04-20, 05:18

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazychester
Oh come on scratt, don't be coy? You must have seen a few people crap their pants in your line of work. Stands to reason. Besides, you gotta admit knowing scates is gonna be totally disgusted when he sees this thread but will stoically maintain a self-righteous, haughty silence, is pretty fucking neat.


Look the thing is I live in Asia... Thailand no less, and I am pale skinned but love the food..

I have not dared look at one of my poos for a long time..

I think they look like weak coffee... with croutons!

You see, you wish I had stayed silent now!

'Remember, measure life by the moments that take your breath away, not by how many breaths you take'
Extreme Sports Cafe | ESC's blog | scratt's blog | @thescratt
  quote
turbulentfurball
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Québec
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2006-04-20, 05:18

I have teh evil IBS
  quote
Windowsrookie
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2006-04-20, 08:32

what about last nights corn poo?
  quote
PKIDelirium
Nobody bumps my lock
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Xenia, Ohio
 
2006-04-20, 10:31

Yesterday: Wet, all over floor.

Overflowing toilets suck.
  quote
ghoti
owner for sale by house
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Charlotte, NC
 
2006-04-20, 10:41

LOL, I thought this was about a cleverly-named blog, playing on drewpops' name ...

But it clearly opens lots of possibilities. You should snap up poologgr.com and shtloggr.com, and perhaps even poopr.com, and start a Web 2.0 site discussing this shit stuff. Of course, you would have to find a way to cleverly replace all explicit words with names of flowers or something, to keep it safe for the usual 8-14 year old demographic that would frequent such a site ...
  quote
drewprops
Magnificent Basturd™
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-04-20, 16:04

Wait, I made this thread? Jeepers.

Okay, post-lunch poo:
shrouded in mystery (toilet paper actually).
  quote
macleod
Now in lower-case™!
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
 
2006-04-20, 16:13

Quote:
Originally Posted by turbulentfurball
I have teh evil IBS
That can't be fun. My doctor thought I had that...turned out that was one of my MANY allergic reactions to wheat (also evil IMHO)!
  quote
Wyatt
On twitter: @bwyatt
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Near Indianapolis
 
2006-04-20, 16:18

I stayed away from this thread, fearing a picture of drew's poo log itself. I was very afraid.

I suppose it wouldn't be the worst thing I've ever seen... when I was working for a grocery store, we had a public bathroom, and I swear somebody's colon exploded in the women's room one day. I swear to god it was shoulder-high... and not visibly put there by hand. That was the day I knew it was time to quit. I'm happy to report I have not mopped shit off the walls anywhere since then.

Twitter: bwyatt | Minecraft: bwyatt_IN
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BuonRotto
Not sayin', just sayin'
 
Join Date: May 2004
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2006-04-20, 18:42

You're all a bunch of reputation whores.

Mine are firm, dark, musky and manly.
  quote
drewprops
Magnificent Basturd™
sagacious-d
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-04-20, 19:53

sounds like a cantaloupe
  quote
colivigan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
 
2006-04-20, 20:06

I was wondering where the pictures were myself.



Bill Murray would love it.
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