[psmith2.0]

So I have a secondary account that I use when I don't want my primary .Mac e-mail given out. I check it every now and then and it's always the same assortment of wang-oriented spam ("HARDER, LONGER, THICKER!!!"), or "EARN $10,000 WORKING 45 MINUTES A WEEK FROM HOME!!" nonsense.

But yesterday, around 5:45, I received an e-mail from ICPC NIGERIA (Anti-Fraud Unit) <icpcnfff@qatar.io> with the subject being: LETTER OF COMPENSATION/SETTLEMENT.

Striking me as completely legit, and worth pursuing (who couldn't use a little cash around spring break time?), read on. This might've been where I was less than smart, but the "letter of compensation/settlement" was provided as an attachment. Which opened as a text HTML file in Safari, saying the following (copied/pasted verbatim...I hope formatting remains):

ICPC NIGERIA (Anti-Fraud Unit) ......we fight against fraud, funds delay and impersonation. Head Office: Plot 802, Constitution Avenue, Zone A9 Central Area, P. M.B 535, Garki Abuja. ATTN Dear Beneficiary, LETTER OF COMPENSATION/SETTLEMENT. We hereby wish you and your family the best of prosperity.This letter will definitely be amazing to you because of its realistic value. Sorry for the inconveniences that was rendered to you in your line of Inheritance Payment transaction with some impersonators some while ago. I know that this letter will hit you by surprise, but firstly I will like to introduce myself; I am (Mr. Raji Hannatu) the Legal chairman of "ICPC", (Nigeria's Anti-Fraud Unit). On the 1st of October 2000, the former President of The Federal Republic of Nigeria (Chief GoodLuck Jonathan) introduced a Commission named the "ICPC", (Nigeria's Anti-Fraud Unit) which is duly registered under the United Nations (U.N.O). This particular Commission was initiated to detect fraud/funds delay/impersonation of Government Officials. Secondly, we are mandated by the US Government to settle foreign debts/fraud victims/Un-paid beneficiaries to satisfactory in other to maintain peace in the world at large and also to create a good relationship with the international bodies. Presently, we are being paid by the American government in other to avert beneficiary funds delays/fraud here in Nigeria. So far in this present year, we have settled the likes of (Mrs. Debbie Hargrove, Mr. Michael Wagner etc). You are being contacted by this office today because your Case File (A) is the very first File on our Settlement Files Cabinet. From our intelligent investigations and Probing processes we discovered that you are a victim of fraud/funds delay. The "ICPC", is faithfully under my governance as the Legal Chairman of the great Commission and to this Authority I took an oath of allegiance to settle all fraud victims peacefully. This Memorandum is to notify you that you will be settled by the Nigerian Government from our initial Deposit Account. Your settlement will be actualized within 3working days after your response to this Official Letter. For further clarification/investigation kindly send the below information to us immediately: 1. Your residential address. 2. Mobile and fax number (for regular official contact). 3. Your inheritance funds value. 4. Amount which you have lost previously. These above-mentioned information will officially enable us to carry out our verification processes and after that your compensation sum/Inheritance Funds will be Electronically wired into your designated Bank account or through a Diplomatic Delivery Service, depending on which mode you prefer. Your immediate compliance to this will expedite actions on your Payment because here in this office, we have a lot of listed victims to be settled. Kindly reply below (dr-hannatu-raji@qatar.io) with his Tel contact: +234 703 922 4490. Officially Signed, Mr. Raji Hannatu. Chairman ICPC Nigeria. Powered by Information Communication Technology Dept. (C) 2011 ICPC Nigeria, registered trademark.

Interesting.

Less than four hours later, to the same account, I get an e-mail from FBI Washington Dc <directyy@qatar.io> with the subject: 2011 NOTICE REPORT!..

It reads:

From: Federal Bureau of Investigation Dept: Anti-Terrorist & Monetary Crimes Division Office: Washington, D.C. Headquarters Address: J. Edgar Hoover Building 93 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001 Date: 10/3/2011 ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY, This is an official advice from the fbi foreign Remittance / telegraphic dept., it has come to our notice that the C.B.N Bank Nigeria district has released 10,500,000.00 US dollars into bank of America in your name as the beneficiary, by inheritance means. The C.B.N Bank Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have Enough facilities to effect this payment from the united kingdom to your account, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) to pay this fund through wire transfer, they used this means to complete the payment. They are still, waiting for confirmation from you on the already Transferred funds which were made in direct transfer so that they can do final crediting to your account. Secret diplomatic payments are not made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities why must your payment be made in secret transfer, if your transaction is legitimate, if you are not a terrorist, then why did you not receive the money directly into your account; this is a pure coded, means of payment? Records which we have had with this method of payment in the past Has always been related to terrorist acts, we do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your account in the U.S.A, so it is our duty as a world wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund will be credited into your personal account. Due to the increased difficulty and unnecessary security by the American authorities when funds come from outside of Europe, and the Middle East, the f.b.i bank commission for Europe has stopped the transfer on its way to deliver payment of $10,500,000.00 to debit your reserve account and pay you through a secured diplomatic transit account (s.d.t.a). We govern and oversee funds transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world. We advice you contact us immediately, as the funds have been Stopped and are being held in our custody, until you can be able to provide us with a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer (dist) within 3 days from the world local bank that authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are antiterrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to cross and impound the Payment, we shall release the funds immediately we receive this legal documents. We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper Verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involve, we want to make sure is a clean and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund are now in United State in your name, but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we ask them to do so, because we have to carry out our investigations first before releasing the fund to you. Note that the fund is in the BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have ask them not to credit the fund to you yet, because we need a solid proof and Verifications from you before releasing the funds. So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI Identification Record and also Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfy to us that the money your about to receive is legitimate and real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don't have it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds, the Bank Of America to go ahead Crediting your account immediately. These Documents are to be issued to you from the World Local Bank that Authorized the transfer, so get back to us immediately if you don't have the document so that we will inform you the particular place to obtain the document in United Kingdom (U.K), because we have come to realize that the fund was Authorized by (H.S.B.C) Bank in London. An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service. These Condition Is Valid until 15TH of MAR. 2011 after we shall take actions on Canceling the payment and then charge you for illegally moving funds out of Nigeria. Guarantee: funds will be released on confirmation of the document. Final Instruction; 1. Credit Payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee. 2. Beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared. 3. Beneficiaries Bank in U.S.A., can only release funds. 4. Upon confirmation from the World Bank/United Nations. 5. Bearers must clear Bank protocol and validation request. NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive. The United States Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in U.S.A. An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a foreign country or receive funds from another country, i.e. Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history Background, etc. FBI Director Foreign Remittance/Telegraphic Dept. James T. Burton.

Quite a lot of weird wording, grammar, punctuation, etc. from an FBI, DC-based outfit, huh?

Anyway, so I'm either gonna get $10.5 million, or be accused of aiding in terrorism and sent to Leavenworth I guess.

Hey, I like my chances! I'm all about those 50/50 shots: living on a yacht with Mariska, vs. daily corn-holings for 25-life at the Grey Bar Inn.

Hmmm...

Don't you just love these things? I was hoping to get some more today ("please to be giving to you a official follow-up reports"), but, alas, nothing in my spam box at Yahoo!



I'm open for any and all suggestions on how to play with these people, and jerk them around a little (in a way that won't get me murdered, of course). Anyone?

Shall I write back and just give them a boatload of (fake) personal info and see what happens?

Ideally I should catch a flight to Nigeria and handle this matter myself. I'm sure that would be the smartest approach, right?





I'm joking about it now, but I guess if some guys in suits and sunglasses beat down my door in three days (does The Man work on Sundays?), I guess I'll learn to take this shit a little more seriously.

[drewprops]

We'll send you cards in prison/your own private island. Good luck!!


What is the mentality of the people crafting these schemes? Eight years old?

[psmith2.0]

That's being generous. I was thinking more in the 4-5 range.

"Oooh, and then say this..."

"Yeah! Hahaha!"

A friend of mine recently had some puddinghead contact her through MySpace. Two guesses as to where he was from? Being ultra-gullible and not-so-savvy (but sweet and naive in an endearing way that almost makes you hurt and worry about her), she wound up sharing her e-mail and cell number (yeah, I know). Apparently she received around 175 texts from him last Friday night, asking for $900 wired to him (then slowly knocked down to $450, then $175, then $75 ) to pay for his "leave the country fee" so he can come see her.

"You are the bright shining love of my life and I would like most to be with you forever. I will come see you to start our new life in bliss together. Can I have $900?"

Makes me all tingly and in-the-mood, just thinking about it.

I told her, point-blank, "if you do this, you are aware of the fact that you and I can no longer be friends, right? I can't know anybody this goofy", then sent her about 11 links about these kinds of scams to set her straight and give her a clue. She finally realized I wasn't just "being mean" or heartless.

[Mugge]

Wow! Best Nigeria mail, ever.

All it lacks is some official logos and stamps lifted from government web sites.

[psmith2.0]

Yeah, I've read both a few times each, trying to find a shred of "maybe this is legit" vibe.

Nope.

It's like they're not even trying at this point.

But, seriously...you know what's sad? Somebody, somewhere, got this same e-mail(s) yesterday and, as we speak, are probably in the middle of having God-knows-what done to their savings.

"Honey, these people say we're owed $10.5 million dollars! They just need some information from us...".

"Hell, woman...write back! What are you waiting on?! Do you know what we could do with $10 million?"



It's amazing when you still hear, in 2011, stories about people falling for this kind of stuff and losing so much, simply because they were gullible, it came "via e-mail and looked official".



"THE INTERNET: Take it with the biggest damn grain of salt you can find."

[adamb]

I was totally believing it all until I got to this bit:

Originally Posted by pscates2.0 secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p)

Amateurs...