HerrDEUTSCH™
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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I was at the Rejnfast thongiht and they someboyd worte "mexcian space shuttle " on the inside of the portapotty and 'jmexican fax machine" on the toiler tpaper dispenser. Now that was ujsut WRONG@P!!!!!!!!
wrongl. |
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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Hooboy.
We've had a problem in our restrooms at work, specifically with some really nasty restroom habits by the Clear Channel employees who share our floor (and from those who travel down to our floor). They apparently don't know how to flush, how not to strew shit around the restroom and generally how to conduct themselves in an indoor shittorial environment. One asshat uses "soothing wipes" every day and leaves the package on the floor next to the toilet bowl since it's so incredibly taxing to take the packaging 10 feet over to the trash can. I hate to be a girl, but sometimes I take a can of Lysol into the stall with me.... it's just ridiculous. Radio people are nasty. So. Somebody put up this sign up over the urinals yesterday.... |
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Veteran Member
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That's awesome.
I must copy that in order to encourage my fellow employees. |
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¡Damned!
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
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Heh. I put up something very similar (including the mother reference) in the basement of a house I used to rent. Same deal essentially, only with washers and dryers. I went through a few draft iterations as I recall, only because the woman I was living with at the time thought my variations of the use of the *fucking* word might cause a panic. It worked.
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So it goes. |
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geri to my friends
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Heaven
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Ummmmmm..... Suggest change name to drewpoops. that outa do it.
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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That's my fallback.
I totally agree with Larry David (via G. Costanza) about finding good places to poop. Knowing your pooping territory is tres importante! |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
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It's also nice to have a FRESH bowl.
I think I quit watching TV around the time this show went off the air. Quote:
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Veteran Member
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As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOO is
inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, the following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. (yep..guilty) WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom. THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in the cubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace. WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANAOMELET -- A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. Angels bleed from the tainted touch of my caress |
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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Since I started this thread to monitor poo, obviously an out of the WATERcloset Pooer (who read all of Neal Stephenson's Baroque Cycle En Squattante), you've all given me nothing but SHIT and SHITE!!! And funny classifications which I enjoy very much.
BUT. Now you need to start logging your poo again. Now, more than ever. Never more than now. About this time and for always. LOG!! It's like Arbitron for the toilet. Or something. NOW LOG!!!! |
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Not sayin', just sayin'
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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Lookit, I heard that there may be "extra ruffage" in some of the new Halloween Candy and I don't want that shit throwing off the study. Please be careful how you post your poo logs over the next few days, make sure you're not off... 'kay?
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Hates the Infotainment
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
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That figures... everything else Clear Channel does is shit... why wouldn't their employees be shit? Drew, you need to instigate some anti-ClearChannel prankage immediately. Any suffering of ClearChannel employees at the workplace, makes the world a more just place. ...into the light of a dark black night. |
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Veteran Member
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Disappointed in the lack of updates drew. :P
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Veteran Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Arizona
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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May possibly have a "plopper" on the line right now, accompanied by distant, perturbatatory internal methane shifts defined as low, quiet "groans". No cross-lateral shiftage though, contained to general abdominal region. Just because I have Wi-Fi shouldn't induce you to conclude that I am reporting "live from the front".
Even if I am... |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Ok Drew... I'll humor you. (Oh don't go rubbing your greedy little hands together so fast, it's not as juicy as you think!) [Then again... ] I will volunteer my little one as a lab study for your demented research, noble though it may be (staged.)
Here goes: A mustard yellow, sweet yet pungent smelling liquid, with an occasional leaf or shiny object. (Parting gift. he he) Ranges from decorative smear to colossal blow-out, but always performed on a fresh Chinese or Indian prefold cotton canvas, perfect for the budding (or is that 'butt-ing'?!) young artist! Happy tracks! err, um I meant 'trails'. |
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Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: IL
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This thread needs pictures.
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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I am become Shitta, Pooper of Worlds.
Damn.... Girl Poo. More mysterious and unexplored than Dark Matter and potentially more terrifying on a scale heretofore unimagined. I pray that no pictures of said entry are logged. Please, no. |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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Waitaminute... is somebody around here a new Mommy?
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Depends on your definition of 'new'! That right there is about a year's worth of perfecting the skill of Poo-art! That was a special production, fresh off the easel today just for you! Quite the little picasso, wouldn't you say?! (Then again, it was Stradivarius who was discovered to use certain special ingredients in the lacquer finishes of his legendary stringed wonders! )
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Veteran Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Atlanta
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*holds nose*
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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Okay... really don't want to talk about this... been trying to forget it all day long....
...it looked like a RATTLESNAKE..... ...complete with rattlers. ::sigh:: Am I going to DIE?? |
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Veteran Member
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Only if it bites you.
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geri to my friends
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Heaven
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Isn't it funny how us guys always look to see what we've done. And the girls never look. They just don't know what there missing!
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Veteran Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: State of Flux
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Oh sweet mother of god ...
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¡Damned!
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
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I had an inkling that this would happen eventually, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would happen so quickly. To create said rattles you must have unconsciously tightened and untightened your sphincter at a great speed, thereby creating tinier and tinier rings until the final pinch-off. Obviously you've been thinking...nay, obsessing...with the shape and structure of your poo for some time now, and your body/mind has been taking note. Drew, my friend, you are evolving. Refine this new skill. Start with some easy designs. I'd suggest looking at architecture for initial inspiration, being that there's some tall, round, symmetrical buildings you could practice making. I'm thinking the London Gherkin, The Tower of Pisa...structures of that nature. Once those are mastered, try some simple square edged designs like the John Hancock Center or The Washington Monument. With some hard work and focused sphincter contractions just think of what you could create! Poo homages to Henry Moore! Poo busts of the great literary masters! Poo Rodin! Poo Michaelangelo! Poo Winged Victory! I'm so jealous. So it goes. |
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9" monochrome
Join Date: May 2004
Location: 🇦🇺
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Then go for the big one ... transparency, in a cube shape, with an apple logo embossed on the side.
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Hoonigan
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
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