[Freewell]

Originally Posted by 709 This is fantastic news. I had an inkling that this would happen eventually, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would happen so quickly. To create said rattles you must have unconsciously tightened and untightened your sphincter at a great speed, thereby creating tinier and tinier rings until the final pinch-off. Obviously you've been thinking...nay, obsessing...with the shape and structure of your poo for some time now, and your body/mind has been taking note. Drew, my friend, you are evolving. Refine this new skill. Start with some easy designs. I'd suggest looking at architecture for initial inspiration, being that there's some tall, round, symmetrical buildings you could practice making. I'm thinking the London Gherkin, The Tower of Pisa...structures of that nature. Once those are mastered, try some simple square edged designs like the John Hancock Center or The Washington Monument. With some hard work and focused sphincter contractions just think of what you could create! Poo homages to Henry Moore! Poo busts of the great literary masters! Poo Rodin! Poo Michaelangelo! Poo Winged Victory! I'm so jealous.

[turtle]

Originally Posted by murbot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DNdZWWmauA

OMG LMAO!

Now that was the perfect way to follow up on 709's post! You made my night.

[Freewell]

That video is stinking hilarious!! Please tell me that none of you guys are in it! What is with some guys? They can scrape brains off a dashboard as a paramedic, or any number of other less appealing things that would have me 15 shades of green, but ho boy... bring in that special wrapper lurking around the southern region of one of those tiny executives-in-training who are innocently gracing their home, and the charades begin! Can somebody please explain?!

On another note, whatever you do, do not show that clip to torifile!

[drewprops]

hehehehehe nice one Murpoo...


Ah, I believe that I may have just made Pollock.

[drewprops]

BRAVE LITTLE BROWN MINNOW
a pram by Drewprops
--------------------------
The smallest of the school was the last to go.
He swam, swam, swam against the current.
Like a little brown minnow.
Zigging...
...and zagging

Dodging twisting amorphous bits of paper that threatened
to envelop him

In the end his entire world moved down
down

down

and he had to go with it
for it was
his world

He was my brave little brown minnow.
And I shall remember him forever.

[torifile]

My son hasn't pooped in 7 days. I've never been so obsessed with poop in my life. Maybe I'll read him one of these posts.

[zippy]

Originally Posted by torifile My son hasn't pooped in 7 days. I've never been so obsessed with poop in my life. Maybe I'll read him one of these posts.

Infant Glycerin Suppositories can be a life saver. My noob (2 1/2 months) seems to have too much pain pooping. Poor fella.
By the way, congratulations!!!!

As for the log:

Today for lunch I had a chimichanga covered with wonderfully spicy green sauce and chips with hot salsa. For dinner, I had the new Wendy's 4 alarm spicy chicken- spicy chicken filet, pepperjack cheese, jalepanos, and chipotle sauce.

So..... for tomorrow, I predict multiple, loose, poopies with lasting burning around the sphincter.

[drewprops]

YEOWCH!

We're having another problem at work... somebody comes in, prepares a homemade ass-gasket from toiler paper (instead of using the handy-dandy dispenser on the wall). They proceed to make the poo, using copious amounts of toilet paper in the process.

Then they leave it in-situ.

Pride of product?
Talking on the cellphone, not wanting to bust their little poop-secret?
Unfamiliar with the flushing mechanism?

I'm planning on photoshopping somebody's legs leaving the site of the poop (we photographed one), adding faux scan lines like those from a security video camera, and put up a sign on the wall that says that we have video of the pooper and will post it on YouTube if they do it again.

[turbulentfurball]

I've been waiting all day to post this! We had a customer at work today who left her wallet behind. I tried to find her, couldn't, so phoned the office to put out a tannoy message for her. The girl in the office couldn't do it because of her name; she said she couldn't do it. Her name: Mrs. Poos

[Wyatt]

Originally Posted by turbulentfurball I've been waiting all day to post this! We had a customer at work today who left her wallet behind. I tried to find her, couldn't, so phoned the office to put out a tannoy message for her. The girl in the office couldn't do it because of her name; she said she couldn't do it. Her name: Mrs. Poos

What's even more unfortunate about that is that she's using Mrs., which indicates she married someone and intentionally took that name.

[drewprops]

I was flabbergasted to see this thread float to the top again.... what a crappy name that lady married into!!

[Moogs]

It is the log that would not die... God help us.

[Fahrenheit]

I can't believe you dumped this thread on me, now, when I desperately need the can.

[drewprops]

Just raced home to log in.... so to speak
Thank goodness for Wi-fi....
.....and.......
a good solid first effort, thinking I got a double-taper on the first salvo...
.....
becalmed....
blast.

[Windowsrookie]

Farenheit stole my Apples.

[drewprops]

Hey wait, I'm now a BasTURD??

[zsummers]

No, drewprops, you're crapulent.

[crazychester]

Originally Posted by thegeriatric Isn't it funny how us guys always look to see what we've done. And the girls never look. They just don't know what there missing!

Excuse me, but I always check my poo. It's only healthy. In the same way the eyes are a window to the soul. Except for intestines and stuff.


Drew!

I'd like to know if you have anything to do with this?

Or this?

Have you been muckraking your movements on a poo blog? Indulging in poostitution by exposing your most intimate logs for money on the internets??!!!

You disgusting boy! Oh woe! It's all too awful. You will make AN a House of Ill Repoot you dirty, dirty boy! Oh the shame, the shame............

[scratt]

This thread is too weird, even for someone who believes they are a bit part actor in a CG movie.

[drewprops]

Originally Posted by crazychester Drew! I'd like to know if you have anything to do with this? Or this? Have you been muckraking your movements on a poo blog? Indulging in poostitution by exposing your most intimate logs for money on the internets??!!! You disgusting boy! Oh woe! It's all too awful. You will make AN a House of Ill Repoot you dirty, dirty boy! Oh the shame, the shame............

Holy shit, that's just wrong!! I can safely claim innocence for all but this single thread.
//sent wirelessly by poopberry

[turbulentfurball]

I feel the need to bump this thread. I have not pooped in four days! Seriously. I was ill on Saturday and I took some stomach pills and nothing since.

[thegeriatric]

Originally Posted by turbulentfurball I feel the need to bump this thread. I have not pooped in four days! Seriously. I was ill on Saturday and I took some stomach pills and nothing since.

Well seeing as you bumped it. I ate an omolette yesterday and at 3am today i made a large bowl of chocolate porridge oats.

Note to self leave the damn eggs alone......................gotta go NOW.....................

[drewprops]

When you're wiping (there, in back!)
and your finger,
slips the track,
landing softly in the mud,
do you smell it?

DO YOU, BUD???



Don't lie.



.

[NosferaDrew]

I was chosen to be on a jury today and I'm a little worried that my poop schedule is now blown because of the completely different hours between normal work (6am-4pm) and jurisprudence (10am-5pm).

This will be interesting.

[crazychester]

Originally Posted by dropspoo When you're wiping (there, in back!) and your finger, slips the track, landing softly in the mud, do you smell it? DO YOU, BUD??? Don't lie.

Absolutely. Sometimes it smells like fine Swiss chocolate with just a hint of cinnamon. Other times it smells like violets and lavender fresh as the morning dew.

IOW, my shit don't stink.

[Fahrenheit]

Originally Posted by kbk Is this the kind of descriptions you're looking for? Different Types of Poo Ghost Poo- You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but none in the toilet. Teflon Poo- Comes out so slick, clean and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of it on the toilet paper. You have to look in the bowl just to be sure you did it. Gooey Poo- This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poo leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet. Second Thought Poo- You're all done wiping and you're about to stand up when you realize it.........you've got more. Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo- This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from the strain. Weight Watchers Poo- You poo so much, you lose several kilograms Right Now Poo- You better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to the toilet. It usually has its head out before you can get your pants down. King Kong or Commode Choker Poo- This one is so big you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind of poo happens at other peoples houses. Cork Poo- Even after the third flush, its still floating in the bowl. Just leave it there. ( also known as "Floaters") Wet Cheeks Poo- This poo hits the water sideways and makes a big splash that gets you all wet. Wish Poo- You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo. Cement Block Poo- (with extra blue metal) You wish you'd had a spinal block before you pooed. Snake Poo- This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 foot long. Beer and Meat Pie poo or After-grog Bog- This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell too bad, but this one is BAD.... Usually this happens at someone else's house and there is someone waiting to use the toilet after you. Mexican Food Poo- You'll know it's alright to eat again when you bum stops burning.

Reposted for excellence.


And a good reference guide.

[Freewell]

Originally Posted by Moogs It is the log that would not die... God help us.

On a thread like this, that is not a pretty mental image!!!

[drewprops]

Yesterday I thought about posting a new entry, the "Carmen Miranda"... it looks like a bowl of fruit...

That long one looks like a banana....
This little bit looks like grapes...
Maybe this is an apple, or an orange....

But then I decided that would be crossing the line so I didn't do it.


.

[Capella]

This thread is bizarre and yet hilarious at the same time.

[Freewell]

Originally Posted by drewprops Yesterday I thought about posting a new entry, the "Carmen Miranda"... it looks like a bowl of fruit... That long one looks like a banana.... This little bit looks like grapes... Maybe this is an apple, or an orange.... But then I decided that would be crossing the line so I didn't do it. .

Yes... But have you ever spelled a complete word???

Don't ask.