¡Damned!
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
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I got this in my inbox today and thought it was clever enough to share. Enjoy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Christmas Physics After many careful hours of painstaking research, I have compiled the most expansive physics experiment ever performed on Santa Claus. I hope you can give me the due credit when you show off your cute article. After all, it is my life, my thesis, my reason for existence on this blessed earth. Well, here is my inquiry into Santa Claus. 1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there exists at least one good child in each. 3. Santa has 31 of hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour. 4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each good child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariable described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. In conclusion... If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So it goes. |
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25 chars of wasted space.
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Haha, nice one.
Keep that away from the kids, although some on these boards insist on not allowing their kids the joy of santy clause |
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Apple Historian
Join Date: May 2004
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i like it
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Mr. Vieira
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
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Good stuff. I copied and sent it to all my friends and family, with a warning not to let their kids accidentally read it. |
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Banging the Bottom End
Join Date: Jun 2004
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ಠ_ರೃ
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
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I think I saw that when I was in junior high. Back when the internet was a new thing, I printed it out and brought it to classes and showed it to people. It was so funny seven years ago!
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Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Chicago
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So you were a nerd, even years ago?
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BANNED
I am worthless beyond hope. Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Berkeley
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I'm shocked they had the internet in Minnesota 7 years ago:P
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snail herder
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Hates the Infotainment
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
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careful with axes
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hillsborough, CA
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A friiend sent me to this hella funny webpage the other day. it was some dude from turkey named Mahir and HE KISS YOU!!
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