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F*** My Life
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InactionMan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-02-06, 12:19

http://www.fmylife.com/

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InactionMan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-02-06, 12:21

Some good ones:

Quote:
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML
Quote:
Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML
Quote:
Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML
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Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2009-02-06, 13:25



This site is pure gold / automatic when you need a laugh. Anytime I need to feel better about the day I'm having, I will go to this site and laugh.

Quote:
Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

...into the light of a dark black night.
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kieran
@kk@pennytucker.social
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2009-02-06, 13:52

I could read these all day. There goes the rest of my time at work.
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psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2009-02-06, 13:58

Quote:
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
I can't breathe.
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Xaqtly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-02-06, 14:24

Quote:
Today, I sent a guy that I like alot a pitcure of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat".
OMG.
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kieran
@kk@pennytucker.social
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2009-02-06, 14:25

I've spent the last 45 minutes reading these.

This is great.
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turbulentfurball
Right Honourable Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Québec
Send a message via ICQ to turbulentfurball Send a message via AIM to turbulentfurball Send a message via MSN to turbulentfurball  
2009-02-06, 14:35

Quote:
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML


Lovers it.
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Yontsey
*AD SPACE FOR SALE*
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
 
2009-02-06, 14:36

Quote:
Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML
Quote:
Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML
Well....my day is shot. I might as well go pick up some beer now because I know what I'm gonna be doing the rest of the day.
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Yontsey
*AD SPACE FOR SALE*
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
 
2009-02-06, 14:40

Best one I've seen yet

Quote:
Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML
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nikstar101
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Send a message via Yahoo to nikstar101  
2009-02-06, 14:42

That is a great site. Good find!!
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kieran
@kk@pennytucker.social
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2009-02-06, 14:43

It's terrible, but I laughed.

Quote:
I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
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InactionMan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-02-06, 14:56

Quote:
Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML
I'm glad to see the site has killed other people's productivity as much as it's killed mine.
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Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2009-02-06, 14:59

Gah!

Yah some are pretty awful. The one about the guy who had a stroke then got dumped wasn't funny at all. I felt bad for the dude. They should have two more voting options:

• you're full of sh**.

• f***ed but not funny.

Also I think some of them are clearly made up to get votes or shock people, like the double-face-puke-during-sex one... I find that almost impossible to believe. If one of my exes had puked on me during sex, there's no way I'd just lay there right next to her and then puke on her face. As soon as you got puked on you'd be cursing and running to the shower... at which point maybe you lose it but...

...into the light of a dark black night.
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psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2009-02-06, 15:01

It's an instant mood lifter, no doubt.

A lot of crazy stuff happens to people, huh? Some people live a sitcom kinda life, don't they?

I read some of these and in my head I'm hearing a laugh-track and a "...coming up next, on ABC!" voiceover.



Some of them (the sex-oriented mishaps) have made me cringe. But they're awesome. Kinda real-life "American Pie" scenarios (has anyone put it to a baked pastry yet?)

So can anyone go in and submit something? I assume these are true, legit things, right, and not just people going for yuks-yuks and "I can't get no respect" zingers?



I've got a few "OMG" things I could contribute...anonymously, of course.
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InactionMan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-02-06, 15:12

There's a Submit Your FML at the top of the page.

I was going to send one in but I have an irrational fear that someone I know will recognize my FML moments.
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Yontsey
*AD SPACE FOR SALE*
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland-ish, OH
 
2009-02-06, 15:27

Quote:
Originally Posted by InactionMan View Post
There's a Submit Your FML at the top of the page.

I was going to send one in but I have an irrational fear that someone I know will recognize my FML moments.
ha, i just posted one from something that happened to me like a 15 months ago.
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tomoe
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
 
2009-02-06, 15:58

Quote:
Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML
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Swox
OK Mr. Sunshine!
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Toronto
 
2009-02-06, 16:19

Quote:
Today, I got an email from the local D&D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad... that the group is meeting on valentines day or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML
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kieran
@kk@pennytucker.social
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2009-02-06, 16:47

Quote:
Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I 've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML
So sad, but so mean at the same time.
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murbot
Hoonigan
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2009-02-06, 16:48

Quote:
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years sent me a text messages saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML
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Xaqtly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-02-06, 17:07

Quote:
Today, I daringly tried that fish bath thingy (the one where all the fish come to you and eat all of your skin's dead cells). I submerged into it and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, 20 of the fish died. FML
Hahaha
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artesc
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Inferno, Sixth Circle
 
2009-02-06, 17:28

Quote:
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML.

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
I lol'ed.
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Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2009-02-06, 19:22

My multi-millionaire grandpa is buying my broke, jobless dad's (his son's) house. Not to help us out - he's evicting us. FML.

Oh, that's mine.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
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psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2009-02-06, 22:34

Holy crap.
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Artap99
Totally awesome.
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Charlotte, NC
Send a message via AIM to Artap99  
2009-02-07, 02:36

Quote:
Today, I went to my boyfriend’s work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, “Just this fat chick I know”. FMLo
Ha.
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Mugge
Thunderbolt, fuck yeah!
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Denmark
 
2009-02-07, 06:27

I hereby end my short posting hiatus to declare that this site is pure shadenfreude. Finally Twitter makes sense!

Quote:
Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML
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Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Send a message via AIM to Capella  
2009-02-07, 08:10

Quote:
Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML
Not sure if I believe it (both mom and dad not having a problem with it?), but funny.
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Mugge
Thunderbolt, fuck yeah!
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Denmark
 
2009-02-07, 08:19

Quote:
Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML
I am so proud that I have managed to resist doing that.

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Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2009-02-07, 10:57

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mugge View Post
I am so proud that I have managed to resist doing that.

You and me both, brother.
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