[Wickers]

Ok, here's an easy one for you guys and gals:

You know the feeling when you trip over some old memories and/or emotions while having an otherwise smooth day? For the sake of example, lets say you run into a lost love at random and end up talking about the past...

If it's anger, resentment, frustration or any other negative recall how do you take care of it?

Do you misdirect it? Drink it away? Feel the need to make others feel as bad?

What I've found is that over the last three or four years when I need to 'vent' from such feelings... I write a very self involved journal-like blurb. Sometimes pages in length, but I usually stop once I feel better about it.

I want to change this. I really can't stand the habit I've fallen into, I get worked up, pound the keyboard and delete the finished product. It's just not productive.

When I was younger I would just bottle it up. Then later take it out doing what teens do best, get drunk and act stupid. This of course worked well... but does not really solve anything.

Basically I'm looking for a method to use it as motivation for something productive. However, trying to focus on something technical or creative is not the easiest thing to do when your mind wonders back to the thoughts at hand.

So... how do you usually go about it?

[hiltond]

I paint. I am not any good at it mind you. It is just such an amazing experience involving so many sense it wraps my mind quiet well.

Originally Posted by Wickers When I was younger I would just bottle it up. Then later take it out doing what teens do best, get drunk and act stupid. This of course worked well... but does not really solve anything.

A classic never goes out of style.

trying to focus on something technical or creative is not the easiest thing to do when your mind wonders back to the thoughts at hand.

I never work on a project that is going well. I am not sure how to say this without sounding like a jerk so be warned: I don't work on mental paintings I work on emotional paintings when I feel this way.

[drewprops]

Yeah, I pour myself into creative projects... you have more to show at the end of the day and it's nice to see some good come of potentially negative emotions. Drinking is easy, but really useful in the long run.

[psmith2.0]

This may sound cheesy and pat as can be, but it's the honest truth: I reach for my guitar.

Never had a heartache or disappointment that couldn't be "melted away" with some strumming and picking.

Not sure why...probably because I'm thinking about THAT at the moment and not the other stuff? But even afterwards, I feel better. So it works.

It's been the case for 25 years now, I've realized. My one "go to", fool-proof rescuer. I'd probably be a complete trainwreck or a basketcase otherwise.

[blakbyrd]

Creative hobbies and meditation.

[billybobsky]

I think.

[digitalAngel]

i talk about it with a good friend, my husband, or my mom depnding on what the problem is. also, i go jog at the beach.. the ocean is relaxing to me and excersice makes me feel better.

[LudwigVan]

Talk about it with someone you trust. Or even someone anonymous (priest, phone helpline of some kind)

Otherwise, write it out. Don't monkey around with a computer and a keyboard--pen to paper. And keep it, too, so you can look it over days, weeks, months later.

[ast3r3x]

Listen to music. Really, any music works, but how you gonna be anything but chill after listening to some String Cheese Incident?

[Wickers]

I'm kinda looking for ways to turn the introspective tendencies I've come to frequent into something more productive, or at least tangible.

Just reiterating.

[billybobsky]

Go get laid.

That's tangible, and productive (sometimes).

[Wickers]

Originally Posted by billybobsky Go get laid.

Now why did I not think of that first?

[digitalAngel]

Originally Posted by Wickers I'm kinda looking for ways to turn the introspective tendencies I've come to frequent into something more productive, or at least tangible. Just reiterating.

you can clean your house.. that can be relaxing for some people.

[Wrao]

I don't. I try and meet whatever the source of my disappointment or negative vibes head on and beat it down with superior understanding.

Only problem is whenever there are other people involved, sometimes they just don't want to deal with it, especially not like that, and I look crazy for wanting to address it. But, with many things I simply can't tolerate letting them lie and have to do everything in my power to resolve them directly.

[murbot]

I drink.

[ast3r3x]

Originally Posted by murbot I drink.

Ahh, but what do you drink, beer is your regular choice, what's your self destroy mode drink of choice?

[Bryson]

I don't think you can turn those types of feelings into useful motivation for intellectual matters, but you can use it to motivate you to do something physical. Go for a really long walk, or run, or go do boxercise or something. May as well improve your health while you brood....

[billybobsky]

Sex.

[Windswept]

Originally Posted by Wickers If it's anger, resentment, frustration or any other negative recall how do you take care of it? Basically I'm looking for a method to use it as motivation for something productive.

Originally Posted by Wrao I don't. I try and meet whatever the source of my disappointment or negative vibes head on and beat it down with superior understanding.

Well, Wickers, I have to agree with Wrao. If there's a lingering emotion that plagues you and really brings you down, I personally think the *very* best thing is to face that emotion head-on and deal with it once and for all.

Pin down just exactly 'what' it is that causes your anger, resentment or frustration.

At this point, you are letting that emotion *control* you, and you will continue to give it that power until you:


a) think the whole thing through clearly and calmly

b) arrive at an understanding of 'why' you feel the way you do and

c) why this emotion is counterproductive

d) decide how it would be 'best' to feel wrt the matter

e) make the choice to actually 'feel' that way

f) and then let all the negative emotion GO.


For example, if you resent someone, come to the realization that your 'feeling' toward them is eating away at you and causing you continual emotional harm. You are, in effect, giving *huge* power to your negative feelings about that person. 'Who' is being hurt? No one but you. Is that a situation you want to continue? No, of course not.

So then, you say to yourself that whatever caused the resentment is something you can't change, and there's no point in continually stewing over something you can't do anything about. That for your own peace of mind, you just have to let your negative feelings go.

Obviously, this only works if you really buy into the fact that you are hurting only yourself by constantly replaying these negative thoughts in your mind. Once you truly believe that, you can more readily make the choice to let go.

Just pushing the thoughts away (ie. 'avoiding' them) simply postpones dealing with them properly. Believe me, the relief you will feel when you really let this stuff go is just *amazing*. Your energies will then be freed up to pursue any contructive activities you wish.

And yes, you might want to write down the exact thought process you use in coming to terms with each emotion, so that when you slip back into the negative thought patterns in a weak moment, you can reread the words that will put you back on track.

[Wickers]

I think I need to clarify a bit.

I'm not having trouble 'dealing' with emotions. Nor am I letting them control me. I can deal with them just fine, and I feel my method is pretty efficient.

I just think there has to be other, more productive, ways of doing so... which is why I asked how you guys deal with it.

So far, the exercise idea is pretty good, as mulling it over while releasing aggression is very soothing. I've been thinking of taking up boxing lessons for a few months now, but they are pretty expensive.

Some others are good points too...

[murbot]

Originally Posted by ast3r3x Ahh, but what do you drink, beer is your regular choice, what's your self destroy mode drink of choice?

Rye and coke.

[World Leader Pretend]

When I'm angry or distressed, I'll put on my running shoes and take off. I run really hard, usually on a trail through trees, and I don't stop.

The more I think about it the faster and harder I work. I keep going until I've gotten over the problem, and I usually feel better.

It also is good for keeping in shape, and gives you some time to yourself.

[drewprops]

I'm surprised that I wrote "drinking is really useful in the long run" because that's not what I thought I wrote.... oh, time for me and Mr. Freud to have a sit-down meeting....

[Wickers]

Originally Posted by drewprops I'm surprised that I wrote "drinking is really useful in the long run" because that's not what I thought I wrote.... oh, time for me and Mr. Freud to have a sit-down meeting....

Classic.