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The Bitching Barista: or, Why Some Customers Suck


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The Bitching Barista: or, Why Some Customers Suck
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Mugge
Thunderbolt, fuck yeah!
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Denmark
 
2009-11-23, 01:33

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryson View Post
Or is it? Is a pint 20oz, or 16oz, or 14oz? Because I've had all three served to me as a "pint" in Canada. Crazy people. You can quite literally go to jail in the UK for serving short measures...

Apparently a real pint is technically illegal in BC! It gets worse:

http://lovegoodbeer.com/2009/08/a-br...olumbian-pint/
Ok, then it's SI units from here on!
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billybobsky
BANNED
I am worthless beyond hope.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Inner Swabia. If you have to ask twice, don't.
 
2009-11-23, 01:45

Speaking of SI units, we may be on the verge of a breakthrough in the US. Significant digit illiteracy has produced, on multiple products I have seen recently, the conversion of 1 kg = 2 lb. We are so close...
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murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2009-11-23, 15:29

I sometimes order a "grand late". Like rhymes with band hate.

I just like to see the reactions I get.

I'm usually really nice, to a fault, but sometimes I'm in a bad mood and say it like it is. Like I ordered a drink somewhere where they fill the fountain pop for you. By the time she gave it to me the fizz had settled and it was a good 2 inches below the top of the cup. I looked at it and said "yeah, can I get that filled up please". The wife wasn't impressed, but I thought it was just the right amount of "screw you, lazy bitch" without even saying a bad word or raising my voice.

Sometimes customers are so obviously stupid that it's not worth arguing with them. I had someone bounce a cheque here, then come in and bitch. They wrote it on a Tuesday, it was processed and rejected on Wednesday, and she tried to blame it on me by saying that there was money in there on Tuesday and it's not her fault if it took me a whole day to get it to the bank. WTF??!!

I actually did deposit it on Tuesday, and I told her obviously it's going to take AT LEAST a day to be processed if you take a deposit to the bank at the end of the day. Her reply was "WELL NOBODY TOLD ME THAT WOULD HAPPEN!".

I told her ma'am, if you don't know how simple things like banking work, I am not going to waste my time having a discussion with you. Just pay the bill.

I almost fucking lost it when she pulled out her chequebook.
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Is it 1981?
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Londontown
 
2009-11-23, 22:53

Not coffee-related (I tend to OD on fruit juice instead of coffee like everyone else in the studio) but three observations:
  • My local brand of electronics chain Maplin in the UK (similar to Radio Shack perhaps?) is unquestionably very anti-Mac.
    After selling me something they claimed was Mac-compatible (the salesman going so far to say he'd used it on a Mac himself), they were very resistant at refunding me because I'd opened and broken the seal on the box (though none of the inner packaging after rifling through the manual that clearly specified Windows-only compatibility) and there wasn't anything technically wrong with it. They even cracked the 'You should've got yourself a proper computer then' joke which, judging by their smirks and chuckles among each other and following it up with "Lighten up!", they obviously thought was wittier and funnier than it really was. Took 28 days for the refund to go through as they have to test the product.

  • People rarely say 'please', 'thank you' (etc)
    If you hold a door for someone, even basic eye contact from them as they walk through is rare. If you don't hold a door for them, they'll chide you for it – I've found middle-aged women are especially guilty of this; it's almost as if they expect people to hold doors for them. And let you get on the train first. And give them your seat. (etc)

  • People will walk away from you if you need help
    While walking down some stairs to the Tube station after work one day, I walked past an American couple – who weren't responsible for what happened next – and slipped in front of them and fell down the stairs, cutting my arm and drawing blood. It wasn't a massive cut, but blood was healthily dripping and it needed covering properly. Not one person stopped, looked and asked if I was okay. That American couple behind me? They'd turned around and walked back up.

People are c**ts.

Helvetica is my bitch.
System: 27" iMac i7, 2TB, 8GB RAM, Mac OS X Snow Leopard
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bassplayinMacFiend
Banging the Bottom End
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
 
2009-11-25, 09:57

In honor of this thread, I bought my first medium sized cup of coffee two days ago. It's the first time I can remember ever buying a medium coffee.
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Brad
Selfish Heathen
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone of Pain
 
2009-11-25, 16:15

I've split off the long payment tangent to Bank transfers vs. Checks vs. Credit Cards.
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Dave
Ninja Editor
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bay Area, CA
 
2009-11-25, 22:18

Quote:
Originally Posted by bassplayinMacFiend View Post
In honor of this thread, I bought my first medium sized cup of coffee two days ago. It's the first time I can remember ever buying a medium coffee.
I bought a medium hot chocolate. Does that count?
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turbulentfurball
Right Honourable Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
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2009-12-03, 06:48

Many years ago I worked for McDonalds, and for a time we sold an 'iced mocha' which was basically a coffee-chocolate flavoured shake. I had a complaint from a customer that her mocha 'tasted of coffee'. I had to explain to her that mocha is coffee. Ugh.
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bassplayinMacFiend
Banging the Bottom End
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
 
2009-12-03, 09:05

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave View Post
I bought a medium hot chocolate. Does that count?
Only if it cost $4.
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Luca
ಠ_ರೃ
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2009-12-04, 11:34

So this is tangentially related to the topic... my girlfriend's order at Starbuck's is (wait for it) a tall soy white mocha with no whip, no foam, and stirred.

Sounds like a very long and complicated order, but she explained to me that it's really just her telling the barista how to make a mocha properly. It's a soy mocha, so it should naturally follow that she wants to avoid dairy, yet in many cases they will still ask if she wants whipped cream (or occasionally will add it without even asking!), so she has to specify anyway (she doesn't actually have to avoid dairy, she just doesn't like whipped cream). No foam is sort of a personal preference but she's also had the experience of getting way too much foam in her mocha when there should only be a thin layer on top. And stirred is just because, in many cases, the white mocha syrup doesn't get mixed in very well and causes the drink to start out too bitter and end up too sweet.

Oh and I found this gem:

http://www.ihatestarbucks.com/bb/topic.php?id=1027

Favorite one is the "Cappuccino with no foam with the extra space in cup instead of foam."
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bassplayinMacFiend
Banging the Bottom End
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
 
2009-12-04, 11:53

I know people that use soy milk in hot drinks because they think it reacts better to the heat than milk/cream (doesn't build that milk 'skin'), but don't have a problem with whipped cream on top (because they aren't avoiding dairy, they are using the right tool for the job).
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pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-12-04, 12:21

Man, I am out of the loop on all this. Not being a coffee drinker, I've never had the experience (pleasure?) of ordering some complicated, wild-ass beverage at Starbucks. I'd sure like to!

Did you all see that Steve Martin movie "L.A. Story" from several years ago? That scene where the camera travels around their table and everyone's placing all these special orders? This was years ago, before the big coffee craze, but still funny stuff. Being L.A., I guess they were ahead of the curve on all that.

Ahh...I love YouTube!
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murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2009-12-04, 12:41

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca View Post
Oh and I found this gem:

http://www.ihatestarbucks.com/bb/topic.php?id=1027

Favorite one is the "Cappuccino with no foam with the extra space in cup instead of foam."
Ooh, people are inventive:

oh!! we had these cheap **** (a married couple) who got three shots of espresso in an iced venti cup FILLED with ice. they would FREAK if you tried to ring it up other than anything but a triple espresso... then they would mosey on over to the condiment bar and fill their **** cups up with whole milk from the caraf. JESUS CHRIST, JUST PAY FOR THE **** ICED VENTI LATTE!!!

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Kickaha
Likes his boobies blue.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hell
 
2009-12-04, 12:42

Quote:
Originally Posted by murbot View Post
Ooh, people are inventive:

oh!! we had these cheap **** (a married couple) who got three shots of espresso in an iced venti cup FILLED with ice. they would FREAK if you tried to ring it up other than anything but a triple espresso... then they would mosey on over to the condiment bar and fill their **** cups up with whole milk from the caraf. JESUS CHRIST, JUST PAY FOR THE **** ICED VENTI LATTE!!!

My advisor did that for years. Triple espresso in a grande cup, saunter over to the condiments bar, fill with *half and half*.
  quote
murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2009-12-04, 12:46

Actually, the more I read that site, the more angry I'm getting. Here I just *thought* most people working at Starbucks were cunts... now I *know* they are.

Half of the complaints aren't really a big deal if you're working there and DON'T have sand in your vagina.
  quote
Luca
ಠ_ರೃ
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
 
2009-12-04, 12:58

Quote:
Originally Posted by murbot View Post
Actually, the more I read that site, the more angry I'm getting. Here I just *thought* most people working at Starbucks were cunts... now I *know* they are.

Half of the complaints aren't really a big deal if you're working there and DON'T have sand in your vagina.
Any high-stress, low-paying job where you interact directly with customers is going to cause you to get all sorts of silly pet peeves. I remember I used to work at a grocery store as a cashier and for whatever reason I'd get pissed off at how people would hand me credit cards or coupons. There was one specific way they could do everything that would make my life easier, but they'd obviously have no way of knowing. Yet it still bothered me. Oh well, I kept that to myself because I realized that pretty early on.

I think that link I posted is more about making fun of people for their silly requests... there are some good ones. I mean who orders a cappuccino without foam?

I do think it's weird that a coffee shop wouldn't have a "medium" size, though.
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Kickaha
Likes his boobies blue.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hell
 
2009-12-04, 13:10

Ever try ordering a macchiato? I mean an *ACTUAL* macchiato, not the bastardization thing that Starbuck's *called* a macchiato and ruined the nomenclature for everyone?

Walking into a coffee shop, you never know if you can actually order a macchiato, or a 'dry cappuccino' or, because in Starbucks if you order a 'dry cappuccino' they STILL give you a fucking latte, you have to order a 'BONE dry cappuccino', unless of course you end up with the barista who STILL pours milk into it, in which case you jump over the counter and choke them with their own intestines.

And ordering a doppio w/ a dollop of foam over the top inevitably gets you reprimanded "Sir, that's a cappuccino" "Then how come when I order a cappuccino you pour steamed milk into it?" "We don't do that." Bullllllllsheeeeeeeeeeet.

My other brain is hung like a horse too.
#IRC isn't old school.
Old school is being able to say 'finger me' with a straight face.
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Banana
is the next Chiquita
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
 
2009-12-04, 13:14

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca View Post
I do think it's weird that a coffee shop wouldn't have a "medium" size, though.
That made me think up an evil idea:

Every time Capella gets a 'medium' order, she should randomly select between small or large and adjust the price accordingly.

If the customer notice, give the apropos response:

"It's smaller than other coffee shops' 'medium' because our coffee is the best!"
"It's larger than other coffee shops' 'medium' because we like our customer happy!"

For one-time or occasional customers, they may not notice it but regulars will be wondering if their cup was all of sudden smaller/larger than yesterday... Of course, Capella ought to deny that the size was different. "It's medium, just as you asked for!"



:evil:
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bassplayinMacFiend
Banging the Bottom End
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
 
2009-12-04, 13:49

Well, she could say it's a coffee shop and not a fortune telling shop, get it? OK, I'm out.
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Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
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2009-12-04, 14:54

Oh dear GOD don't TEMPT me. *ahem* I would only do that to newbies who want medium, though, not regulars because the regulars know what size they want. And I know what they want. There's about 50 customers who I just see and start making their drink because I know exactly what it is. Plus I greet them by name and have it rung up and done by the time they hit the counter. I've had customers compliment me because they're happy they get such consistent, reliable service.

Today's WTF: I got a lady who wanted me to wrap her sandwich in foil. Without touching the foil. I decided that she didn't want my bare hands to touch the foil, so I put on gloves and do this, and she still sent it back because I touched it, even though my hands were gloved, with fresh gloves from the box, and... I am not a telekinetic, I cannot wrap a sandwich in foil without touching the foil. Really. Seriously.

Off to do 4 more hours of this.

"A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras
twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder
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chucker
 
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2009-12-04, 15:04

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
Today's WTF: I got a lady who wanted me to wrap her sandwich in foil. Without touching the foil. I decided that she didn't want my bare hands to touch the foil, so I put on gloves and do this, and she still sent it back because I touched it, even though my hands were gloved, with fresh gloves from the box, and... I am not a telekinetic, I cannot wrap a sandwich in foil without touching the foil. Really. Seriously.
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spotcatbug
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Clayton, NC
 
2009-12-04, 15:10

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
Today's WTF: I got a lady who wanted me to wrap her sandwich in foil. Without touching the foil. I decided that she didn't want my bare hands to touch the foil, so I put on gloves and do this, and she still sent it back because I touched it, even though my hands were gloved, with fresh gloves from the box, and... I am not a telekinetic, I cannot wrap a sandwich in foil without touching the foil. Really. Seriously.
Wow. What happened after she sent it back? I mean, it's not like you could then do it the way she wanted you to. Unless you used your feet maybe.

Ugh.
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Banana
is the next Chiquita
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
 
2009-12-04, 15:14

Maybe she meant that you were supposed to hand her the foil and she'd wrap the sandwich herself?

Should have just told her, "There's a great little coffee shop that lets you do this. It's called 'your kitchen'"


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Bryson
Rocket Surgeon
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Whitby
 
2009-12-04, 15:19

OUR CAFE JUST MADE ME AN AMERICANO WITH 5 ESPRESSOS>

Oops. Caps lock. Actually, I think it's better that way.
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alcimedes
I shot the sherrif.
 
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2009-12-04, 15:19

lol, you should have asked her to demonstrate how to wrap a sandwich in foil without touching it so you don't make the same mistake next time.
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murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2009-12-04, 16:06

Tell her "I bet you $20 I can make your nose bleed without even touching you" and when she takes you up on it, punch her in the face and say "worth every penny".

Then wrap the twenty in foil and ram it in her mouth.
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pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-12-04, 16:29

Seriously, though...how would you even do that? Use the Force?

"Sorry, ma'am...I am not a Jedi. Yet."

What could that lady have possibly expected you to do? Maybe some sort of inner-wrap scenario, where, instead of touching the foil, you grab the sandwich itself - using it as some sort of bread-based glove - and grab the foil that way, with the sandwich acting as a hand barrier, and just roll it into some sort of ball until it looks "wrapped"?

Or just ask. I'd be curious to hear her answer.

"Can you help me out here and tell me exactly how I should go about that? No, really...I'd like to know! Because this isn't a magic-tricks-while-u-wait kinda joint. Shall I try to levitate the mustard and turn the cash register into a tiger while I'm at it?"
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murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2009-12-04, 19:06

She probably wanted it wrapped without you touching the inside of the foil while you did it. You know, the "against the sammich" side.
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pscates2.0
Mr. Farmiga
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-12-04, 19:10

I assumed that. What sandwich maker worth his/her salt would do that anyway? Not Capella!

I think this woman was out for some magic or mindpower demos. She was just trying to find a clever, non-threatening way to bring it up.
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Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
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2009-12-04, 19:44

Quote:
Originally Posted by murbot View Post
She probably wanted it wrapped without you touching the inside of the foil while you did it. You know, the "against the sammich" side.
well, that's why I wore gloves, so only those would touch the inside. Also, all our sandwiches are wrappen in plastic, so even if my hands DID touch the foil, the foil just touches the plastic wrap. Double protected. And with gloves that's three layers of protection.

"A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras
twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder
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