[Moogs]

The pairings and groups are now set.

http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/index.html

Group of Death = Brasil, Ivory Coast, Portugal, N. Korea... one door matt and three very good other teams there. That means the rest of us have a chance as Brasil could conceivably not make it out of that group. Which, I kind of hope they don't... they're like the Yankees of soccer. Gets old after a while. Honestly I'd love to see an African nation win it.

[Luca]

North Korea might have a shot since the players' families will probably all be executed if they lose.

[709]

US vs. England is going to give futball some much needed visibility here in 'Merica.

[Bryson]

Wow, England got themselves an easy group. They'll screw it up, somehow, because they always do, but that's virtually a bye.

[curiousuburb]

Most of the seeds look set for an easy ride into the 2nd round, with the possible exception of South Africa... but it would be great for the hosts to make it through.

The Germans, French, Argentines, and Portuguese didn't look great during qualification, so there aren't any 'safe' bets... but given the groups, I'd guess they're odds on to make it through.

We'll definitely see African teams in the 2nd round, but whether it's Nigeria, Cameroon, Ghana, or Côte d'Ivoire could be tough to predict.
African teams tend to have great outfield players and crap keepers.

A lot of the betting is on who the also-rans in many groups will be.

Maybe South Africa from Group A behind Mexico (particularly if they beat the French via a Handball for Karmic justice)
Maybe Nigeria from Group B behind Argentina
Maybe USA from Group C behind England
Maybe Australia from Group D behind Germany
Maybe Cameroon from Group E behind Netherlands
Maybe Slovakia from Group F behind Italy
Maybe Côte d'Ivoire from Group G behind Brazil
Maybe Chile from Group H behind Spain

Still possible for some upsets (depending on injuries as mid-2010 rolls on), but bookies are probably eyeing the obvious.

[Luca]

It would be hilarious if the US beat England, since soccer is so unpopular here.

[Trumpetman]

Speak for yourself there Luca in Minnesota.

In California just about every elementary age child is in AYSO and every park it stuffed to the gills with weekend soccer games. The Los Angeles area hasn't even had a pro football team in a decade.

California itself is larger than many of these countries so America ought to be doing something good soon in the world of soccer.

[Moogs]

I've noticed on ESPN in the morning they're running all the team stats and history on the ticker sidebar thing... and I've got to say... most teams have nicknames that belong on the tard-blog. With nicknames like those it's not hard to understand why 'mericans can't relate. There were a couple cool ones like Black Eagles but most were more like "Bando Bando" and the "Cheekee monkies".

[Moogs]

Here's my new and improved list of World Cup Team nicknames:

Italy - Badda Bings
Germany - The Schprockets
Holland - Clockwork Orange FTW (the real nickname)
England - Imperialist Dogs
France - Les Croissant
Russia - Korrupt
Spain - Heimlich
Portugal - Divaldo and the Maroons
Nigera - Black Eagles (I think that's the one)
Ivory Coast - Tusk Thugs
US - Tackle Dummies
Chile - Bistec!
Argentia - Cheating, Coke-snorting, Nazi-abbetting Whores in Prison Unis
Brasil - Pwners
Bolivia - Team Snort
New Zealand - We're Not a Typo!
Australia - Beeeah!
S. Africa - District 9s
N. Korea - Big Kim and the Missiles
Japan - Team Anime

[Chinney]

England came out lucky in the draw, that's for sure.

[lightning_bug]

Originally Posted by Moogs I've noticed on ESPN in the morning they're running all the team stats and history on the ticker sidebar thing... and I've got to say... most teams have nicknames that belong on the tard-blog. With nicknames like those it's not hard to understand why 'mericans can't relate. There were a couple cool ones like Black Eagles but most were more like "Bando Bando" and the "Cheekee monkies".

Yeah, some of them are cheesy, but no more so than the Utah Jazz, the Tennessee Oilers, or the Los Angeles Lakers.

And some of them are pretty damn cool (the Indomitable Lions, the Samurai Blue, the Super Eagles, etc.)

It's all just filler for announcers to pull out anyway - mostly they'll use country names and that's it.

[Matsu]

England doesn't deserve to win anything. Since I can remember, I've never seen their World Cup squads play the game with any imagination or creativity. Tactically stupid and stubbornly dedicated to it. What's more, their media approaches the national team with an air of superiority that far outweighs both their record of the last 44 years and their historical contributions to the game itself.

It would be brilliant to see just one African team go deep into the tournament, maybe even the finals... South Africa, Algeria, Nigeria and Cameroon all have a shot at getting into the round of 16.

[Mugge]

Originally Posted by Luca It would be hilarious if the US beat England, since soccer is so unpopular here.

Especially since the US lost 1-3 to Denmark, last time I saw them in action.

[Moogs]

Ouch.

[Brave Ulysses]

Originally Posted by Moogs The pairings and groups are now set. http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/index.html Group of Death = Brasil, Ivory Coast, Portugal, N. Korea... one door matt and three very good other teams there. That means the rest of us have a chance as Brasil could conceivably not make it out of that group. Which, I kind of hope they don't... they're like the Yankees of soccer. Gets old after a while. Honestly I'd love to see an African nation win it.

I'd rather watch paint dry than bunch of pansy ass soccer players run around a field and score a couple times.


I wonder how many soccer players are on performance enhancing drugs? Anyone test positive lately?

[Hassan i Sabbah]

England should go through. Algeria and Slovenia... not tough. The USA will be fun. Ho ho. They always give England a really hard time.

Denmark have the Netherlands, and Japan, and the Ivory Coast, who are all very good, and are probably fucked.

[Chinney]

Originally Posted by Brave Ulysses I'd rather watch paint dry....

Actually, the United Paint Drying Federation (UPDF) World Cup will be held in Monaco in 2011. You might want to make arrangements to be there. I understand that quite a few commentators think that the U.S. Team has a lock on the Cup, with a new Benjamin Moore formulation. On the other hand, I've also heard that the Saudis have been doing some interesting things in the desert with some new paints. It's not clear how the Saudis' recent advances will translate to the more humid environment of Monaco, but they might just give the U.S. Team a run for their money. Slovakia, of all countries, has also been strong recently. Should be interesting.

[Mugge]

Originally Posted by Hassan i Sabbah (...) Denmark have the Netherlands, and Japan, and the Ivory Coast, who are all very good, and are probably fucked.

Probably We seriously lack high profile players to exploit given opportunities. The teamwork is good, but that will only get you so far.

[curiousuburb]

Some training has been going on in secret for years.

[Moogs]

Originally Posted by Brave Ulysses I'd rather watch paint dry than bunch of pansy ass soccer players run around a field and score a couple times.

It's not hockey, that's for sure. I would like soccer a lot more of the players would stop rolling around on the ground, clutching their mangina every time someone bumps into them.

[Trumpetman]

Originally Posted by Curiousuburb Some training has been going on in secret for years.

That is hilarious. I don't watch a lot of soccer and even I had heard about those antics the last world cup.

[Brave Ulysses]

Originally Posted by Moogs It's not hockey, that's for sure. I would like soccer a lot more of the players would stop rolling around on the ground, clutching their mangina every time someone bumps into them.

The only thing worse than that is NBA players falling backwards every time they get brushed on a drive to the basket.

[Bryson]

Originally Posted by Matsu ...and their historical contributions to the game itself.

...you mean like inventing the game in the first place?

[Hassan i Sabbah]

Originally Posted by Chinney Actually, the United Paint Drying Federation (UPDF) World Cup will be held in Monaco in 2011. You might want to make arrangements to be there. I understand that quite a few commentators think that the U.S. Team has a lock on the Cup, with a new Benjamin Moore formulation. On the other hand, I've also heard that the Saudis have been doing some interesting things in the desert with some new paints. It's not clear how the Saudis' recent advances will translate to the more humid environment of Monaco, but they might just give the U.S. Team a run for their money. Slovakia, of all countries, has also been strong recently. Should be interesting.

Slovakia, yeah. They're hungry for it. I think they want to prove their glory days aren't behind them. But their training regime is terrifying. TWELVE HOURS A DAY, five days a week, watching the Tarkovsky film 'Sacrifice' is a commitment that many, especially the stars playing in the big Watching Paint Dry European leagues, won't match.

(Interesting to see how they do without Hristov 'Maximum Gloss' Krtzvstcrzk, disqualified after a random UV test revealed he had eyes painted on his eyelids.)

[Matsu]

Yeah, whatever, a Canadian invented basketball, but it doesn't mean that the national team has done anything of significance in the last 50 years... 150 years ago some English, Scottish, and Welsh blokes got together and standardized the rules, thereby "inventing the game". They did a fantastic job - the rules they codified perfectly preserve the simple essence of the game itself, and have made the formal competition infinitely exportable. However, people were kicking balls long before Association Football or Scottish martial arts, there are lots of pre "association football' games... None of that really matters. The English invented the modern game, they just haven't done anything noteworthy in the last 44 years, where at the international level they are clearly out-classed by the best from Europe and South America. The frustrating part about it is that they have (or have had) the players to win. They make it into the tournament regularly. They just clench up and start playing a very predictable attack once the stakes of the game escalate. If they could somehow reset the national mindset, they might actually win another tournament some day... Fabio Capello might be just the right ingredient for that...