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Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
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Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-06, 12:59

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roboman View Post
If I had, like, a $20 prepaid phone, I would have let him make a call. I've done that before. But an iPhone? Erm, no. I actually don't think he was a phone bandit or anything, but I'm not going to take that chance just so a stranger can make a phone call without getting off the bus.

I've had a smartphone stolen from me before so maybe I'm just cautious but seriously, that's like asking to "borrow" someone's watch these days. I'm not going to give someone something I can't afford to replace. Also, the last time I let someone on a bus borrow an iPod, it was somebody I knew and it still came back with two huge scratches on the screen. So yeah.

I would have given him change for payphone, if he asked. I'm not, like, a scrooge, and I know what it's like to need to make a call and not be able to (especially since, uh, my phone was dying!). But my expensive electrons are mine, sorry dude.
Hahahahaha.

OK, so I was at a restaurant when this girl comes up to me and asks to borrow my phone. It was a $20 prepaid phone since I decided not to get data on my iPhone any more and just use it as an iPod touch. So, true to my word above, I say yes.

She kept on trying to call people to come pick her up; apparently she was at a party that turned sour after her friends had too much booze and drugs and she got scared. I don't think she was having much luck in getting a ride though. She kept the phone for a long time, hoping for a call back or something until suddenly she went to the restroom. When she returned she said she was so so so sorry but she had dropped the phone in the toilet and it had been flushed away before she could do anything.

Sure.

Oddly, I think she expected me to get really mad at her and make a scene, I mean I was irritated but I think she was surprised by my lack of response. But, I mean, it's an $11.99 phone; people have stolen more valuable lunches from me. As often goes with those things, I'm more annoyed that she thought I believed her silly excuse, but if she's used to scary parties and people overreacting than I guess I can understand why she'd tell stories. I just wanted to be, like, "Girl, look. You're young and scared and you don't want to walk home, alone, without a phone. I get that. Just bolt for the door or something next time, don't make up excuses because that's like telling me you think I'm dumb enough to believe them and I'm not."

Although, I suppose I did hand her the phone.

I felt bad for her more than anything, she seemed to have a pretty fucked up life. I mean, I don't have many friends, but at least I don't have those kinds of "friends."

As an object lesson, it was well worth the twelve dollars.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Gargoyle
http://ga.rgoyle.com
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In your dock hiding behind your finder icon!
 
2010-06-06, 14:39

Dear Flint,

I'm sorry, I never appreciated you or told you enough times that I loved you!

We have gone down our separate paths, but sometimes I am not sure I am on the right path.

G.

Spoiler (click to toggle):

Old timers might remember this one...

OK, I have given up keeping this sig up to date. Lets just say I'm the guy that installs every latest version as soon as its available!
  quote
kieran
@kk@pennytucker.social
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2010-06-06, 16:11

Dear new house lawn,

You've done nothing but aggravate me and cause body aches the past two weeks.

Go fuck yourself.

Signed,

Me
  quote
Xaqtly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2010-06-06, 20:59

Dear Pixar:

Trying to say which of your movies is the best is difficult. Each one of them is made with so much loving care, so much attention to detail and so much great storytelling that it sort of puts all your movies on a level separate from everybody else.

Sure, some of them are better than others, but that's relative. Even your worst movie is better than almost anything any other studio can produce. I've watched all your movies, and I've decided which one I like the best, and I'm writing to you to ask - nay, to beg - for a sequel.

You are one of the rare studios to whom the "sequel rule" does not seem to apply. Even your sequels are better than the first rate efforts from other studios. And clearly with the release of Toy Story 3, you are not opposed to making sequels in principle.

You see, I was channel surfing today, and one of your movies was playing. I stopped to watch it for a second and almost immediately decided I wanted to watch the whole thing. So I turned my DVR off, popped in the DVD of said movie and watched it beginning to end. What a masterpiece. What a compelling story, what a brilliant film.

I'm asking, Pixar, for a sequel to The Incredibles. I want it, you want it, and millions of other people want it.

Make it so.

Love,

Just a Man Who Loves Great Movies
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-07, 22:21

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xaqtly View Post
You are one of the rare studios to whom the "sequel rule" does not seem to apply.
To be fair, they have released all of one sequel so far.

With three more currently on their release schedule, I'm not sure I share your enthusiasm for another, but I agree that The Incredibles was brilliant and that even on an off year Pixar is leagues ahead of any other American animation studio (with the possible exception of Disney itself, as The Princess and the Frog was probably better than Pixar's weakest effort.*)

Still, an Incredibles 2 would make more sense than Monsters Inc. 2, I mean geez. WTF Jobs?

From A Fellow Pixar Nerd,

Robo

* A Bug's Life.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Noel
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago
 
2010-06-08, 19:28

Dear BP,

Fuck you.

— Humanity
  quote
EmC
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Columbus, Georgia
 
2010-06-11, 16:43

Dear People in front of me in the Drive-Through Teller Line,

Please have your deposit ready to send through the sucky-tuby-thingy before you get to it. Really‽ You don't have a deposit slip‽ Really‽ You don't know your account number‽ Really‽ Maybe you should have parked and gone inside, where you can get complete customer service‽ All of you took so long that the other ass-hat in front of me ran out of gas while he was in front of the teller! Really‽ Maybe you should have parked and gone inside, where you wouldn't have used the last of your gas‽

Thanks,

Eric

What Adobe Updater‽ What‽ What‽ WHAT‽
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-11, 17:06

Dear EmC,



You missed one.

-Robo
  quote
EmC
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Columbus, Georgia
 
2010-06-11, 17:41

Dear Robo,

Where‽

-Eric
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-11, 17:44

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmC View Post
Dear Robo,

Where‽

-Eric
  quote
chucker
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: near Bremen, Germany
Send a message via ICQ to chucker Send a message via AIM to chucker Send a message via MSN to chucker Send a message via Yahoo to chucker Send a message via Skype™ to chucker 
2010-06-23, 13:49

Dear kid next door "practicing" vuvuzela,

One day, I shall strangle you, shove the entire instrument down your throat and publish it all on YouTube.

Love,
Concerned Chuckers For America
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-23, 14:26

Quote:
Originally Posted by chucker View Post
Dear kid next door "practicing" vuvuzela,

One day, I shall strangle you, shove the entire instrument down your throat and publish it all on YouTube.

Love,
Concerned Chuckers For America
My neighbors are blasting disgusting rap from their car outside my window, and Capella's classroom is making a piercing high-pitched whine, but we decided that you win. Hell is other vuvuzela.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
tomoe
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
 
2010-06-23, 19:27

Dear Car Alarms,

I fucking hate all of you and your obnoxious fucking noises.

love,
homo sapien who wants just a little peace and quiet.
  quote
kieran
@kk@pennytucker.social
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
 
2010-06-23, 19:33

Dear South Carolina,

I had heard stories about how bass ackwards you are, but until I experienced it myself, I didn't know how truthful those statements.

Fireworks stands : South Carolina :: Dunkin Donuts : New England

Sincerely,

Kieran

(and yes, I used that statement on Twitter yesterday, but since 99% of people here don't follow me on Twitter, it's fine.)

No more Twitter. It's Mastodon now.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-23, 20:09

OK, I hope I don't offend people by saying this, but there is something undeniably creepy about hearing small children randomly break out into super-dedicated hymns.

It's like, no. Don't sing about how you're giving Deity X your soul when you're seven and have no idea what you're saying. I hate kids, but if you're seven, you're not a wretched sinner who needs to be redeemed by the blood (!) of Deity X, you're a kid. You're not supposed to give your life to Deity X. You're not supposed to be a soldier for Deity X, or a mindless tool for His will. You're seven. You're supposed to, idunno, play hopscotch or something, or watch the shitty cartoons that will make a big-screen comeback twenty years from now, so you have the proper nostalgia then.

And if you're a parent, don't make your kid sing those sorts of songs. It's depressing. If you don't see why, replace Deity X above with Deity Y, the satanic one that you hate. See how much more sinister they all sound? Kids should not be programmed to sing that Deity Y is their everything before they have any idea what they're saying, or that Deity Y is their potter and that they are merely clay. It's sick. I "get" that you think your Deity is the right one, just like everyone else does, and that you think your kids just sound so angelic when they sing His praises, but stop. They have no idea what they're saying.

I just really love music, and I hate hearing it used to ruin people.

Jack out.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
709
¡Damned!
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Purgatory
 
2010-06-24, 08:05

Quote:
Originally Posted by chucker View Post
Dear kid next door "practicing" vuvuzela,

One day, I shall strangle you, shove the entire instrument down your throat and publish it all on YouTube.

Love,
Concerned Chuckers For America
Coincidence? I think not.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-28, 12:32

"Hello, can I speak to Jack please?"
"Yes?"
"No, I'm sorry, can I speak to Jack please?"
"Uh, yes, this is he."
"Oh, sorry. You don't sound like a Jack!"
"...sorry?"



Dear [site] representative,

Take note: Opening a sales call with the above conversation will not make me want to buy things from you. When you're in sales -- and forgive me if I'm being abstruse here -- when you're in sales, it's usually a good idea not to piss off the person you're selling to.

Also: your domains were overpriced, anyway.

Yours,
Really Jack (honest)

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Banana
is the next Chiquita
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
 
2010-06-28, 12:40

I think the rep was actually asking for Jack Nicholson and was expecting you to go all "Heeeerre's Johnny!" ?



At least that'd turn the table back on the stupid reps.
  quote
psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2010-06-28, 12:55

Dear Everyone Who Doesn't Use Turn Signals (Especially Since They're Mounted Right There on the Steering Column Area Where Your Hands are Already Located, Mere Inches Away),

You're all a-holes.

Love,
Paul
  quote
Ryan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Promise Land of Trustafarians
 
2010-06-28, 14:43

Dear Houston,

I know Rice Village has practically no parking, but double-parking is. not. cool.

Please stop.

Sincerely,
Boxed In.
  quote
faramirtook
A for effort.
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: New Jersey
 
2010-06-28, 14:59

Quote:
Originally Posted by pscates2.0 View Post
Dear Everyone Who Doesn't Use Turn Signals (Especially Since They're Mounted Right There on the Steering Column Area Where Your Hands are Already Located, Mere Inches Away),

You're all a-holes.

Love,
Paul
PS: Really. You really all are a-holes.

Best,

faramirtook
  quote
Bryson
Rocket Surgeon
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The Canadark
 
2010-06-28, 15:07

Quote:
Originally Posted by pscates2.0 View Post
Dear Everyone Who Doesn't Use Turn Signals (Especially Since They're Mounted Right There on the Steering Column Area Where Your Hands are Already Located, Mere Inches Away),

You're all a-holes.

Love,
Paul

Particularly the subsection of people who don't use turn signals when there are no cars around because "bicycles and pedestrians don't need to know."
  quote
drewprops
Space Pirate
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2010-06-28, 16:33

Dear person,
I fired you last week.

[scalding details redacted before posting because it's simply not worth the energy]






...
  quote
psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2010-06-28, 18:24

Dear Subway,

You cannot hire people with OCD and then schedule them to work the 5:00-7:00 rush-hour/evening dinner shift. It's a cruel trick on all involved. The place is enough of a zoo then as it is, so having someone take 3-5 minutes to dress each of the stacked-and-racked 8-10 sandwiches in front of me is pretty much a no-go.



If the people eating the things don't care about the tomatoes lining up within 2mm tolerance, or there being an even number of pickles and olives spaced just perfectly around the perimeter so as to contrast beautifully with the deep amber tones of the bread and provide an obstacle course to squirt the sauce around, then the employee certainly shouldn't concern themselves with such matters. Throw on some meat and veggies, squirt a few things, wrap it up and go!

It's fast food. If I want to wait 30 or so minutes for something to eat, I'll drive out to the mall and go to Outback or Chili's for dinner, where it's kinda expected.

I've never stood in a Subway line for half an hour, but I now know what it's like. And it pretty much sucks. I felt really bad for 6-8 people behind me. If they get home in time for the 11:00 news, it'll be a miracle.

Yours in tuna,
Paul
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-28, 18:31

Quote:
Originally Posted by pscates2.0 View Post
Dear Subway,

You cannot hire people with OCD and then schedule them to work the 5:00-7:00 rush-hour/evening dinner shift. It's a cruel trick on all involved. The place is enough of a zoo then as it is, so having someone take 3-5 minutes to dress each of stacked-and-racked 8-10 sandwiches in front of me is pretty much a no-go.



If the people eating the things don't care about the tomatoes lining up within 2mm tolerance, or there being an even number of pickles and olives spaced just perfectly around the perimeter so as to contrast beautifully with the deep amber tones of the bread and provide an obstacle course to squirt the sauce around, then the employee certainly shouldn't concern themselves with such matters. Throw on some veggies, squirt a few things, wrap it and go!

It's fast food. If I want to wait 30 or so minutes for something to eat, I'll drive out to the mall and go to Outback or Chili's for dinner.

I've never stood in a Subway line for half an hour, but I now know what it's like. And it pretty much sucks. I felt really bad for 6-8 people behind me. If they get home in time for the 11:00 news, it'll be a miracle.

Yours in tuna,
Paul
Aww.

Maybe they were new? Also, Subway did just start tessellating their cheeses. So maybe that threw off the sandwich-maker-person?

Or maybe they were just OC. I could never again work in fast food, for pretty much that exact reason. (That and the meat preparation thing. And the low pay, and the pressure, and the way everybody looks down on you ).

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2010-06-28, 18:45

It doesn't matter. You can't stand there and meticulously lay out pickles - to the point of even picking some of them up and relaying them back down, or nudging them over 1/8th of an inch for better symmetry (which she was doing, numerous times over several sandwiches). It's not that kind of gig, new or not.

If you can't look up, see the 10-14 people standing in line, and take that as a hint to maybe pick up the pace and holster your artistic/designer tendencies, you might be in the wrong job.

Her co-worker seemed a little exasperated as well, so perhaps she'll tell her later when the crowds die down.

"You know, we need to zoom a little more during these crunch times...".



I don't "look down" on anybody, mind you (and I'm glad she's not out sucking dick or slinging dope to pay her bills...so she's obviously got that part of life figured out). But there's a time to be slow, detailed, into your "craft" and go for maximum visual impact. And then there's a time to set all that aside and crank it into gear and lay it down.



Stick her in the back, stocking or prepping. Or out front wiping tables and so forth. But not on the 5:00-7:00 afternoon rush where dozens come in (often ordering multiple sandwiches). At least not until she gets the speed up a bit (hell, she doesn't even have to be fast...she simply can't stand there and make each sandwich a four-minute arts and crafts project).

That's all I'm saying.

Last edited by psmith2.0 : 2010-06-28 at 18:55.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2010-06-28, 18:50

Quote:
Originally Posted by pscates2.0 View Post
It doesn't matter. You can't sit there and meticulously lay out pickles - to the point of even picking some of them up and relaying them down, or nudging them over 1/8th of an inch for better symmetry. It's not that kind of deal, new or not.

If you can't look up, see the 10-14 people standing in line, and take that as a hint to maybe pick up the pace and holster your artistic/designer tendencies, you might be in the wrong gig.

Her co-worker seemed a little exasperated as well, so perhaps she'll tell her later when the crowds die down.

I'm guessing it was probably her first day and she was probably just super nervous and over-worried about making a mistake. That's not uncommon for new people at any gig where they're essentially disposable (although even I wasn't that bad ). And I'm sure she will get talked to about that, later.

Oh, and you know I wasn't talking about you.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
psmith2.0
Mr. Vieira
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tennessee
 
2010-06-28, 19:01

Well, I wasn't mean to her (I wouldn't do that), and she'll learn, one way or the other, that she can't sweat the angles, symmetry and lines so much...not at 6:15pm with a line halfway to the door.

There's another young lady who works there, and she's almost too fast. I'm afraid she's going to slice her hand off some day...her hands are a blur when she's going at it, and she sometimes gets a little ahead of herself and puts the wrong stuff on! So somewhere between her and the one I had tonight would be a nice, reasonable middle-ground.
  quote
tomoe
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
 
2010-06-28, 19:44

Dear NewEgg,

The A/C units I ordered from you can't come soon enough, and I hope it's tomorrow as UPS claims. This 90º+ heat, humidity, top floor apartment, no A/C, bedroom windows facing ESE and living room windows facing WNW == + two cold showers per day. On the brightside, we don't have any guests in town until tomorrow, so at least it's acceptable to lounge around in just my boxers with a fan pointed directly at me all times.

love,
me.

ps—Ms Summer, I recant all that nonsense about wanting you to come early. For now, you can fuck right off.

Seen a man standin' over a dead dog lyin' by the highway in a ditch
He's lookin' down kinda puzzled pokin' that dog with a stick
  quote
Ryan
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Promise Land of Trustafarians
 
2010-06-28, 23:20

Quote:
Originally Posted by pscates2.0 View Post
Well, I wasn't mean to her (I wouldn't do that), and she'll learn, one way or the other, that she can't sweat the angles, symmetry and lines so much...not at 6:15pm with a line halfway to the door.

There's another young lady who works there, and she's almost too fast. I'm afraid she's going to slice her hand off some day...her hands are a blur when she's going at it, and she sometimes gets a little ahead of herself and puts the wrong stuff on! So somewhere between her and the one I had tonight would be a nice, reasonable middle-ground.
I’m remember getting into a rhythm like that last summer when I worked on prep at a sandwich place here. Slicing forty pounds of roast beef a day can get a little boring, and once you get going you end up on autopilot. Always had to shake myself out of that, especially with the commercial sized deli slicer we used.
  quote
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