User Name
Password
AppleNova Forums » AppleOutsider »

Drew's Poo Log


Register Members List Calendar Search FAQ Posting Guidelines
Drew's Poo Log
Page 3 of 10 Previous 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7  Next Last Thread Tools
drewprops
Space Pirate
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-04-25, 21:24

Oh no.
Oh, oh HELL no.
So I'm cruising the threads... oh cat.
I'm cruising the threads on my 'book, wirelessly from the spare restroom in the laundry room when the cat... grunt, grunt.... pulls in beside me and starts making a hole in the litterbox.
Oh for the love of Tidy Cat.... oh cat, DAMN!!!

Steve Jobs ate my cat's watermelon.
Captain Drew on Twitter
  quote
atomicbartbeans
reticulating your mom
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Send a message via AIM to atomicbartbeans  
2006-04-26, 20:52

Something incredibly entertaining happened at school today...

So the last couple days for the sake of randomness, I've been carrying around a packet of sauce from Taco Bell in my pocket, offering it to people if they'd do impossible, dangerous, or embarrasing stuff in the halls. Yesterday I even told my english teacher I'd give it to him if he said "I pity the fool"; he declined though, asking rhetorically why he would want a packet of pocket-warmed sauce from Taco Bell. Meh, it would serve a higher purpose anywho.

Today in the library I pulled it out to play with for a while (hey, I was bored as hell), and it started to leak a little. Since it was kind of old, it smelled pretty bad. We decided first to smear some on the librarian's keyboard, so she'd get her fingers all sticky with Taco Bell sauce when she sat down to type. But then we had a far more evil idea; we snuck into the girls' bathroom and stuck it folded-over between the toilet seat and the rim, angled to squirt inwards and upwards. We only had to hang around outside for about 5 minutes before our first victim walked in... a fat chick with a moustache and sweaty pits. A couple minutes later we heard a gasp and an "ohmygod"... I swear it was the funniest thing we've done in a long time. When she walked out later, the air smelled like really bad Taco Bell sauce when she opened the door, and she seemed quite perturbed.

I'm not sure what to make of it now, but I hope she received a good squirting.

You ask me for a hamburger.
  quote
billybobsky
BANNED
I am worthless beyond hope.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Inner Swabia. If you have to ask twice, don't.
 
2006-04-26, 20:59

um... that is just cruel.
  quote
turbulentfurball
Right Honourable Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Québec
Send a message via ICQ to turbulentfurball Send a message via AIM to turbulentfurball Send a message via MSN to turbulentfurball  
2006-04-26, 21:01

DoubleyouTeaEff!

Well, I think it's funny
  quote
SKMDC
superkaratemonkeydeathcar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: chicago
Send a message via AIM to SKMDC  
2006-04-26, 21:06

If I thought it were a true story, I would think it's borderline criminal. If my kid did something like that at someone's (a stranger?) expense I would be really disappointed.
But there are too many things wrong with the story to think it's true.

If you did it to a punk a pal well then I'd give it a pass, but to laugh because it was someone overweight and smelly is a little un-christian.
Do you go out gay-bashing for laughs on saturday night as well?

"What's a Canadian farm boy to do?"
  quote
murbot
Hoonigan
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2006-04-26, 21:06

Well, that was an asshole thing to do. Congratulations I guess.

EDIT: after reading SKMDC's post, I have to agree. I doubt you have the testicular firmness to actually go into the girls bathroom to do that. If you did, did you actually think it would be funny if this worked just right, and this poor girl had fucking HOT SAUCE squirt on/in/around her vagina? Yeah, hilarious.

I'd rather hear you made the story up than hear it's really true. If you go around doing shit like that, next thing you know Karma will bite you in the ass and people will drop dirt into your laptop or something. Errr. Wait. Nevermind.
  quote
atomicbartbeans
reticulating your mom
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Send a message via AIM to atomicbartbeans  
2006-04-26, 21:11

obviously you three don't get the spirit of Drew's Poo Log...
  quote
Wickers
is not a kind of basket
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2006-04-26, 21:11

Bad show... not cool.
  quote
turbulentfurball
Right Honourable Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Québec
Send a message via ICQ to turbulentfurball Send a message via AIM to turbulentfurball Send a message via MSN to turbulentfurball  
2006-04-26, 22:01

Here's a story that I've never told anyone before. All true I might add.

It began one summer; mid August of 2004 to be precise. The second week of the Games of the XXVIII Olympiad were underway in neighbouring Greece as I enjoyed my first venture into Asia-Minor; namely the Republic of Turkey. The culture, the people, the scenery, the history; all were scintillatingly inviting. As I basked in the 35C sun, I thought to myself 'There's nowhere I'd rather be'. Mid-week, my partner and I decided to partake in a delightful road trip to visit the ancient ruins of Ephesus. En route to the hotel post ancient-ruin visit, our gaggle of tourists was taken to a charming local eatery.

Charming. MY. ASS. Flies everywhere. Nothing was cooled, in fact, some of that shit might have even been flies.

So anyway, we get back to the hotel, and everything was fine. The next day, I got up for an early swim. It quite nice actually. I got out of the pool and felt a huge fart coming.

It wasn't a fart. It was the wateriest poo I've ever experienced. And yes, I did it in my swimming trunks. I well and truly shit myself. I ran back to our room and jumped in the shower.

NEVER. GOING. BACK!!
  quote
billybobsky
BANNED
I am worthless beyond hope.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Inner Swabia. If you have to ask twice, don't.
 
2006-04-26, 22:04

Now that is a poo story...

And it has a moral lesson, don't eat food composed of dead flies.
  quote
wecallitfall
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
 
2006-04-27, 02:43

thats a good story tbtbfl what did the mrs say?


back in the day at high school i took some chocolate laxatives in with me and handed some out to friends (some knew - some didnt) and had someone myself for the ride

one friend pooed it within the hour, however mine was a much slower development.it didnt happen until the bus on the way home

i had to run the half mile from the bus stop and the shit was falling out before i even hit the seat



anyways give it 10 minutes and i'll be giving birth to a mersey trout
  quote
Mac+
9" monochrome
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: 🇦🇺
 
2006-04-27, 03:25

That's all well and good ... just don't shave your ass hair.
  quote
wecallitfall
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
 
2006-04-27, 03:32



crikey


i like this comment underneath the article "anyway its terrible, and well once i used a pumis stone o remove the black heads from my nose that was terrible also."
  quote
Dave
Ninja Editor
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bay Area, CA
 
2006-04-27, 03:54

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomicbartbeans
[Taco Bell sauce story]
I don't know if that story is true or not, and I don't wanna know. But if it is, you and your friends owe her an apology. I hate to say it (cause I'm all for crazy stories), but that crossed the line.

But if you made it up, that's hilarious.
  quote
atomicbartbeans
reticulating your mom
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Send a message via AIM to atomicbartbeans  
2006-04-27, 05:42

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave
But if you made it up, that's hilarious.
Ding!

I figured hey, if I was going to spread shit across these boards, this would be the thread to do it.

Billybob, SKMDC, Murbot, Wickers, et al. take me way too seriously.

You ask me for a hamburger.
  quote
eventhorizon
Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2006-04-27, 06:42

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomicbartbeans
Ding!

I figured hey, if I was going to spread shit across these boards, this would be the thread to do it.

Billybob, SKMDC, Murbot, Wickers, et al. take me way too seriously.
I don't think you can say that you made it up when all you do is change it from your friends doing it to you to you doing it to some smelly chick.
  quote
turbulentfurball
Right Honourable Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Québec
Send a message via ICQ to turbulentfurball Send a message via AIM to turbulentfurball Send a message via MSN to turbulentfurball  
2006-04-27, 06:42

Oh shit(!) Mine was true. I look an idiot now
  quote
SKMDC
superkaratemonkeydeathcar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: chicago
Send a message via AIM to SKMDC  
2006-04-27, 07:41

I said if it was not true I'd give you a pass morally, but it doesn't make it funny. It's not, and it's still mean.
I don't take you at all seriously, if I didn't think you were making it up, I would have condemned the story outright.
And being it's written out of whole cloth, making your victim a smelly fat chick is disappointing and not very clever.

"What's a Canadian farm boy to do?"
  quote
_Ω_
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Send a message via AIM to _Ω_  
2006-04-27, 08:04

We use those cistern cleaners that turns the water blue. Tainted poo is bad poo.

  quote
drewprops
Space Pirate
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-04-27, 08:44

Oh no.... I never intended this type of behavior.
Why do people continually subvert my SCIENCE!!!!???????

  quote
_Ω_
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Send a message via AIM to _Ω_  
2006-04-27, 08:51

Have we had a tub girl link yet?

Too lazy to look.
  quote
Oompa Loompa
Awaiting Email Confirmation
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Lovely Loompaland
 
2006-04-27, 09:23

Quote:
Originally Posted by drewprops
Oh no.... I never intended this type of behavior.
Why do people continually subvert my SCIENCE!!!!???????


Patience, please! I am observing the ecosystem integrity and the social patterns of my poo species right now! Just wait for the results, mkay?
  quote
Dave
Ninja Editor
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bay Area, CA
 
2006-04-27, 13:21

Well here's my poo log: about 15 minutes ago I had the first piece of solid poo (still very soft of course) in over two days come out of me, followed by more diarrhea

You know you're messed up when you consider "throwing up of the non-dryheaving variety" and "not completely liquid diarrhea" to be an improvement.
  quote
drewprops
Space Pirate
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-05-03, 22:00

You know, there's no excuse for this excrementally sophomoric thread but I just had to post this link to my article on "Crouching Woman, Hidden Potty". It's a public service.

Steve Jobs ate my cat's watermelon.
Captain Drew on Twitter
  quote
Oompa Loompa
Awaiting Email Confirmation
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Lovely Loompaland
 
2006-05-04, 10:48

Quote:
Originally Posted by drewprops
You know, there's no excuse for this excrementally sophomoric thread but I just had to post this link to my article on "Crouching Woman, Hidden Potty". It's a public service.

You don't really believe that story about women 'chrouching' and spilling wee all over the place, do you drewprops?

We (women that is) have highly sophisticated ways to manage... ehrm... 'doing potty'. We actually can pee through a donut from 40 feet above (blindfolded). Unlike men who so unjustly and blatantly trust their hand-eye-Mickey Mouse coordination, women train themselves in the art of precision aiming; both physically as spiritually.

Our secret?

Men don't talk to each other in toilets, they're generally too scared. Sit down for a contemplation and you have no fear of the guy in the cubicle next to you suddenly starting up a conversation. Men just don't do that kind of thing, but many women do. This is where the age-old and very difficult technique of precision aiming is being passed on from woman to woman.


Last edited by Oompa Loompa : 2006-05-04 at 10:55.
  quote
drewprops
Space Pirate
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-05-13, 21:53

Hated to start another poopy thread when there was already this celebrated thread of poopery so....

How long is it supposed to go for food to pass?
I thought that it was something like 17 hours.

I've learned that I simply can't eat a lot of salad, it passes through me, easily within an hour.. how is that possible? Why would it happen?

Where's our medical crew when you need them?

Steve Jobs ate my cat's watermelon.
Captain Drew on Twitter
  quote
Windowsrookie
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Minnesota
Send a message via AIM to Windowsrookie Send a message via MSN to Windowsrookie Send a message via Yahoo to Windowsrookie  
2006-05-13, 22:34

Well, I got some on my shoe today. I was wondering, what is the best poo removal technique you guys know?
  quote
Phoenix
formerly "trav"
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Behind you
 
2006-05-13, 23:03

Buy new shoes?
  quote
zsummers
Avast!
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New York?
 
2006-05-13, 23:28

Quote:
Originally Posted by drewprops
I've learned that I simply can't eat a lot of salad, it passes through me, easily within an hour.
In the interests of science:

Drewprop's RSP (Rate of Salad Passage) = 32ish feet per hour. At that rate, you should feel it moving and making some fast turns around your intestines, tires squealing.

Impressive, compared to my recent, RPP (Rate of Peanut Passage): 0.4ish feet per hour.

Perhaps salad owns a faster car?
  quote
drewprops
Space Pirate
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2006-05-13, 23:45

If you speak of the famous CIA agent Teddy Salad then you are probably correct, he owns a very fast car and isn't afraid to hide in its glove compartment as a disguise.

Steve Jobs ate my cat's watermelon.
Captain Drew on Twitter
  quote
Posting Rules Navigation
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Page 3 of 10 Previous 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7  Next Last

Post Reply

Forum Jump
Thread Tools
Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Can anybody read log files or help me with unexpected crashes? zoheb Genius Bar 7 2005-12-24 17:18
Safari, Explorer Can't log in anywhere Kjell Genius Bar 7 2005-06-27 22:19
Log File Analyzer Glaven Genius Bar 2 2005-06-14 13:48
Can I delete 'install' log files? Track_40 Genius Bar 6 2005-02-09 13:40
That's not a log... THIS is a log! ZO General Discussion 2 2004-06-06 13:07


« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 19:58.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004 - 2024, AppleNova