Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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Oh no.
Oh, oh HELL no. So I'm cruising the threads... oh cat. I'm cruising the threads on my 'book, wirelessly from the spare restroom in the laundry room when the cat... grunt, grunt.... pulls in beside me and starts making a hole in the litterbox. Oh for the love of Tidy Cat.... oh cat, DAMN!!! |
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reticulating your mom
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Something incredibly entertaining happened at school today...
So the last couple days for the sake of randomness, I've been carrying around a packet of sauce from Taco Bell in my pocket, offering it to people if they'd do impossible, dangerous, or embarrasing stuff in the halls. Yesterday I even told my english teacher I'd give it to him if he said "I pity the fool"; he declined though, asking rhetorically why he would want a packet of pocket-warmed sauce from Taco Bell. Meh, it would serve a higher purpose anywho. Today in the library I pulled it out to play with for a while (hey, I was bored as hell), and it started to leak a little. Since it was kind of old, it smelled pretty bad. We decided first to smear some on the librarian's keyboard, so she'd get her fingers all sticky with Taco Bell sauce when she sat down to type. But then we had a far more evil idea; we snuck into the girls' bathroom and stuck it folded-over between the toilet seat and the rim, angled to squirt inwards and upwards. We only had to hang around outside for about 5 minutes before our first victim walked in... a fat chick with a moustache and sweaty pits. A couple minutes later we heard a gasp and an "ohmygod"... I swear it was the funniest thing we've done in a long time. When she walked out later, the air smelled like really bad Taco Bell sauce when she opened the door, and she seemed quite perturbed. I'm not sure what to make of it now, but I hope she received a good squirting. You ask me for a hamburger. |
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BANNED
I am worthless beyond hope. Join Date: May 2004
Location: Inner Swabia. If you have to ask twice, don't.
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um... that is just cruel.
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Right Honourable Member
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DoubleyouTeaEff!
Well, I think it's funny |
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superkaratemonkeydeathcar
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If I thought it were a true story, I would think it's borderline criminal. If my kid did something like that at someone's (a stranger?) expense I would be really disappointed.
But there are too many things wrong with the story to think it's true. If you did it to a punk a pal well then I'd give it a pass, but to laugh because it was someone overweight and smelly is a little un-christian. Do you go out gay-bashing for laughs on saturday night as well? "What's a Canadian farm boy to do?" |
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Hoonigan
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
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Well, that was an asshole thing to do. Congratulations I guess.
EDIT: after reading SKMDC's post, I have to agree. I doubt you have the testicular firmness to actually go into the girls bathroom to do that. If you did, did you actually think it would be funny if this worked just right, and this poor girl had fucking HOT SAUCE squirt on/in/around her vagina? Yeah, hilarious. I'd rather hear you made the story up than hear it's really true. If you go around doing shit like that, next thing you know Karma will bite you in the ass and people will drop dirt into your laptop or something. Errr. Wait. Nevermind. |
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reticulating your mom
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obviously you three don't get the spirit of Drew's Poo Log...
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Right Honourable Member
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Here's a story that I've never told anyone before. All true I might add.
It began one summer; mid August of 2004 to be precise. The second week of the Games of the XXVIII Olympiad were underway in neighbouring Greece as I enjoyed my first venture into Asia-Minor; namely the Republic of Turkey. The culture, the people, the scenery, the history; all were scintillatingly inviting. As I basked in the 35C sun, I thought to myself 'There's nowhere I'd rather be'. Mid-week, my partner and I decided to partake in a delightful road trip to visit the ancient ruins of Ephesus. En route to the hotel post ancient-ruin visit, our gaggle of tourists was taken to a charming local eatery. Charming. MY. ASS. Flies everywhere. Nothing was cooled, in fact, some of that shit might have even been flies. So anyway, we get back to the hotel, and everything was fine. The next day, I got up for an early swim. It quite nice actually. I got out of the pool and felt a huge fart coming. It wasn't a fart. It was the wateriest poo I've ever experienced. And yes, I did it in my swimming trunks. I well and truly shit myself. I ran back to our room and jumped in the shower. NEVER. GOING. BACK!! |
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BANNED
I am worthless beyond hope. Join Date: May 2004
Location: Inner Swabia. If you have to ask twice, don't.
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Now that is a poo story...
And it has a moral lesson, don't eat food composed of dead flies. |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
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thats a good story tbtbfl what did the mrs say?
back in the day at high school i took some chocolate laxatives in with me and handed some out to friends (some knew - some didnt) and had someone myself for the ride one friend pooed it within the hour, however mine was a much slower development.it didnt happen until the bus on the way home i had to run the half mile from the bus stop and the shit was falling out before i even hit the seat anyways give it 10 minutes and i'll be giving birth to a mersey trout |
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9" monochrome
Join Date: May 2004
Location: 🇦🇺
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That's all well and good ... just don't shave your ass hair.
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
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crikey i like this comment underneath the article "anyway its terrible, and well once i used a pumis stone o remove the black heads from my nose that was terrible also." |
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Ninja Editor
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bay Area, CA
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But if you made it up, that's hilarious. |
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reticulating your mom
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I figured hey, if I was going to spread shit across these boards, this would be the thread to do it. Billybob, SKMDC, Murbot, Wickers, et al. take me way too seriously. You ask me for a hamburger. |
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Member
Join Date: May 2004
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Right Honourable Member
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Oh shit(!) Mine was true. I look an idiot now
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superkaratemonkeydeathcar
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I said if it was not true I'd give you a pass morally, but it doesn't make it funny. It's not, and it's still mean.
I don't take you at all seriously, if I didn't think you were making it up, I would have condemned the story outright. And being it's written out of whole cloth, making your victim a smelly fat chick is disappointing and not very clever. "What's a Canadian farm boy to do?" |
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Veteran Member
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We use those cistern cleaners that turns the water blue. Tainted poo is bad poo.
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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Oh no.... I never intended this type of behavior.
Why do people continually subvert my SCIENCE!!!!??????? |
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Veteran Member
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Have we had a tub girl link yet?
Too lazy to look. |
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Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Lovely Loompaland
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Patience, please! I am observing the ecosystem integrity and the social patterns of my poo species right now! Just wait for the results, mkay? |
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Ninja Editor
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bay Area, CA
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Well here's my poo log: about 15 minutes ago I had the first piece of solid poo (still very soft of course) in over two days come out of me, followed by more diarrhea
You know you're messed up when you consider "throwing up of the non-dryheaving variety" and "not completely liquid diarrhea" to be an improvement. |
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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You know, there's no excuse for this excrementally sophomoric thread but I just had to post this link to my article on "Crouching Woman, Hidden Potty". It's a public service.
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Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Lovely Loompaland
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You don't really believe that story about women 'chrouching' and spilling wee all over the place, do you drewprops? We (women that is) have highly sophisticated ways to manage... ehrm... 'doing potty'. We actually can pee through a donut from 40 feet above (blindfolded). Unlike men who so unjustly and blatantly trust their hand-eye-Mickey Mouse coordination, women train themselves in the art of precision aiming; both physically as spiritually. Our secret? Men don't talk to each other in toilets, they're generally too scared. Sit down for a contemplation and you have no fear of the guy in the cubicle next to you suddenly starting up a conversation. Men just don't do that kind of thing, but many women do. This is where the age-old and very difficult technique of precision aiming is being passed on from woman to woman. Last edited by Oompa Loompa : 2006-05-04 at 10:55. |
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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Hated to start another poopy thread when there was already this celebrated thread of poopery so....
How long is it supposed to go for food to pass? I thought that it was something like 17 hours. I've learned that I simply can't eat a lot of salad, it passes through me, easily within an hour.. how is that possible? Why would it happen? Where's our medical crew when you need them? |
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Veteran Member
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Well, I got some on my shoe today. I was wondering, what is the best poo removal technique you guys know?
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formerly "trav"
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Behind you
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Buy new shoes?
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Avast!
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New York?
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Drewprop's RSP (Rate of Salad Passage) = 32ish feet per hour. At that rate, you should feel it moving and making some fast turns around your intestines, tires squealing. Impressive, compared to my recent, RPP (Rate of Peanut Passage): 0.4ish feet per hour. Perhaps salad owns a faster car? |
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Space Pirate
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
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If you speak of the famous CIA agent Teddy Salad then you are probably correct, he owns a very fast car and isn't afraid to hide in its glove compartment as a disguise.
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