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The Bitching Barista: or, Why Some Customers Suck


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The Bitching Barista: or, Why Some Customers Suck
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Capella
Dark Cat of the Sith
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
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2009-11-21, 23:01

So awhile ago I made a joke about making this thread. And now I've decided there's so much stupidity at work, I totally have to share the idiocy with people. I plan on updating this semi-regularly with posts about new stupid things. You guys can feel free to comment on/about stories I share, I don't want to use this just as an exclusive soapbox where all I do is post and you guys just read and say nothing!

--

This exchange happens once a day. Every day. I swear. Sometimes the particulars are different, but there's always an incredulous or disgusted look that I get from wildly disparate people and yet it always looks the same.

Customer: I'd like a medium coffee, please.
Me: Sir/ma'am, we don't have medium, would you like a small or large?
*Customer gives me disgusted look*
Customer: Don't you have medium?
Me: I'm sorry, we only have small or large.
Customer: Fine. Gimme a (small or large, their choice).

In a related suck, if coworkers C and J get asked for a medium they automatically give them a large without saying anything, which hugely pisses me off, because they should actually give the customers a choice; they might be ordering a medium because they don't want that much coffee, sheesh!

I had also started changing up this conversation by responding with "No, but you can have a small or large" with a winning smile. But one customer decided I was being rude and actually had me call over my manager to complain. Apparently the "No" meant I was being disrespectful and was telling him he couldn't have any coffee at all. R has a sense of humor, however, and when I related my exact words to him- and the fact I had been saying it for about a week, and most people thought it was funny- then R told the man he was being overly sensitive and refused to discipline me. I've stopped saying it though, just in case.

--

Let me postulate a scenario for you. We have a case for our lunch food. This case is bifurcated halfway down. The bottom half is open, and holds pastas, salads, etc. The top half contains sandwiches. It is covered with a glass lid. The barista of the day- that would be me- has bounced over to stand behind the case, smile winningly, and say "Hi! What can I get for you?" You want a sandwich from inside the case. What do you do?

a.) Ask the nice barista.
b.) Lift the glass lid and take the sandwich out and carry it to the register.
b1.) and leave the lid up in the air letting all the cold air out
c.) Not only lift the lid and grab it, but then reach over the top of the counter and hand me the sandwich and say "please grill it"

If you answered b or c, you're one of the, I swear, 6 or 7 people who have done this in November alone.

Seriously, what the hell? The bottom case is clearly open, so yes, you can grab your own. But the top case is clearly closed, and I clearly came up to you and asked you if I could get anything for you. I don't know how I could make it any clearer that I am supposed to get it. And c especially annoys me because you realize that in order to he your sandwich your way I need to interact with it. So why the hell do you think you should be the one picking it up?!

I started getting annoyed after the fourth or so time it happened. So, when one guy came up to me holding the sandwich- and with the case still left open- I was like "sir, you can't do that," and he looked suitably shamefaced and paid and went away. The guy behind him came up also holding a sandwich, and I repeated the same warning politely. He replied with "well I saw the man in front of me do it!". Before I could think, the words "and if he jumped off a cliff would you have done it?" slipped out of my mouth. Mentally I was like "oh shit I'm getting fucking fired for this", but outwardly I just hastily tapped the register and was like "your total is $5.30 please don't do it next time sir bye".

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. When manager C came by to change the till, I told her what I'd blurted. She responded by laughing and saying if anyone complained she'd tell them that their behavior had been appropriate and my response wasn't at fault. But no one complained. So there.

--

I hate it when people don't know what they're getting. For example, this lovely exchange:

Customer: I want a macchiato!
Me: Yes, sir. Single shot or double?
Customer: *waves hand* Whatever's standard.
Me: What kind of milk, sir? Regular, skim, or soy?
Customer: Regular.
*I make his macchiato. Please keep in mind, a single- which is our regular- macchiato is a single shot of espresso, in a teeny tiny espresso cup, and then I steam some milk and scrape off one or two dollops of foam to drop on top of it. When done, I hand it to him.*
Customer: *stares incredulously at drink* This is not what I wanted! Where is my caramel?!
Me: Caramel, sir?
Customer: Yes! My caramel! In the large cup!
Me: Sir, did you want a caramel macchiato?
Customer: Yes! Yes.
Me: Sir, you ordered a macchiato, not a caramel macchiato. I made exactly what you asked for.
Customer: No you didn't! You should have known what I wanted! *Customer throws the cup at me. I duck out of the way barely in time. Espresso goes all over the floor Customer stalks off.*

Or this gem, also related to espresso. We have a list of today's coffees on a freestanding signboard on top of the pastry case. It lists our standard, our gourmet, the french vanilla, the pumpkin, and our espresso and our decaf. This is important.

Customer: I'd like a small espresso!
Me: *makes single shot in espresso cup and hands it to her*
Customer: *points at the coffee cups behind me* No, I wanted a small espresso!
Me: Ma'am, the espresso comes in these cups. A single is a small, and a large is a double.
Customer: It's on your coffee board, so it must be the same size as the coffee!
Me: *super politely* Ma'am, the prices of the espresso are different then those of the coffee, as you can see on that board.
Customer: I always get espresso here! It's always in that cup! *still pointing at the small cup, now with voice raised*
Me: *grasping at straws* Do you mean you get an Americano? Your espresso with water?
Customer: *huffs* Yes! That's what I said.
Me: … *thinking: no, you didn't, bitch* Well, ma'am, next time, to clear up confusion, you should ask for a small Americano, alright? *makes new drink*
Customer: Oh I won't have to, I'm sure you'll remember my order after this!

…yeah, maybe to spit in it.*

--

Seriously, though, I am not frightening! If you are overwhelmed because you've never been to a cafe like us before and don't know what the options are, just ask me. Some of my favorite regulars are regulars because their very first time I walked them patiently through things for more than five minutes, and they appreciated the service- and their drink- so much that they became regulars. (In fact, some of my regulars have become friends that, if I get my break and I see them in the food court, I have standing rights to come sit down with and hang out. I love those guys.) But seriously, I do not mind helping you. Use me.

But don't come in, have no idea what you're getting, and then snap at me when I either try to correct you (hi, cappuchino lady) or when I bring you something that is technically what you asked for but not what you intended. If you don't know the name, but want to say "it involves this", I will work with you. But don't bitch me out when your error results in a wrong drink. I am not a mind reader, and if I was, I sure as hell wouldn't work in food service.

*(By the way, I do NOT condone spitting in or messing with anyone's coffee, okay? This is just a joke. Kay? Kay? Good.

"A blind, deaf, comatose, lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" - Darth Baras
twitter ; amateur photographer ; fanfiction writer ; roleplayer and worldbuilder
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Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2009-11-21, 23:48



You're my favorite poster (tied with lots of people ). All of these stories are so true. Sometimes you just have to laugh...

As for the small/medium/large thing, at least you are honest. Some stores, when they have two sizes, label them "medium" and "large," which always weirds me out. If you have two sizes, there is no medium! There is a big one and a little one!

Do you actually call them small/large? I thought I remember you working at a Starbucks, which normally (but not always) calls them different things. I always LQTM when I'm behind someone in a Starbucks and they get confused with tall/grande/venti, not because they're ignorant or inexperienced, but because the display cups are always right there.

I remember I got a Vivanno at a Starbucks and the barista called it a smoothie. That's what it was, of course, but "nourishing blend" sounded so much nicer. They shattered that illusion. It felt so much better, dropping six dollars on a "nourishing blend."

Oh, and for the record, because I'm sick of people thinking/saying otherwise: At most "real" Starbuckses (but not at all the mini ones), you can order a short. Tall is not the smallest size, people. It's just that they don't put short on the menu. They're devious like that.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
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Maciej
M AH - ch ain saw
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-11-21, 23:52

Respectfully,

Your place of employment is clearly not prepared to be doing business - with regards to gripes #1 and #2. Medium is an uber popular size, I'd postulate it's the most popular size. I can't blame you, the customer needs to read - but a portion of the population is illiterate. Management should definitely replace your deli case, if you can open it from the front it really does suggest that customers can grab their own meal. Does it have a handle, or is it a flat lid like at Starbucks? I can understand your anger if its a flat piece of glass w/o handle. We had those for cleaning purposes and not once in my entire working career there did a customer grab his own.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roboman View Post
Oh, and for the record, because I'm sick of people thinking/saying otherwise: At most "real" Starbuckses (but not at all the mini ones), you can order a short. Tall is not the smallest size, people. It's just that they don't put short on the menu. They're devious like that.
Actually, I think they don't put short on the menu because people would order it way too much and be upset at how small it is.

I use to work at starbucks.

User formally known as Sh0eWax
  quote
Banana
is the next Chiquita
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
 
2009-11-22, 00:02

Capella,

You'd fit in perfectly at the Coffee of Doom.
  quote
Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
awesome
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2009-11-22, 00:05

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maciej View Post
Actually, I think they don't put short on the menu because people would order it way too much and be upset at how small it is.

I use to work at starbucks.
Oh, it's tiny. It's like, what, 8 oz? Like one of those mini Coke cans. But if people don't expect a small to be small, they're just stupid. The small sodas at Target are microscopic, but I don't complain, because they're labeled small.

But I can see how offering a very small beverage, even at a low price (they were test-marketing selling them for $1 during the recession!), could make Starbucks look overpriced. So they don't put it on the menu.

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
  quote
Maciej
M AH - ch ain saw
 
Join Date: May 2004
 
2009-11-22, 00:40

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roboman View Post
But I can see how offering a very small beverage, even at a low price (they were test-marketing selling them for $1 during the recession!), could make Starbucks look overpriced. So they don't put it on the menu.
Yeah, that's what I think too.
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billybobsky
BANNED
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Inner Swabia. If you have to ask twice, don't.
 
2009-11-22, 01:11

i can imagine the frustration -- an ex of mine was a coffee slinger during high school and would go out of her way to be nice to all sorts of service personnel. it would get paid back in buckets wherever she became a regular.

it's interesting the habituation people have with coffee. i can't stand the stuff, personally, but the behavior you describe is probably more severe with coffee drinkers than other consumables given its addictive nature.
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chucker
 
Join Date: May 2004
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2009-11-22, 04:15

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
Seriously, though, I am not frightening! If you are overwhelmed because you've never been to a cafe like us before and don't know what the options are, just ask me.
The lunch food case is usability fail, simple as that.

I'm always overwhelmed when I'm at a café ordering something, presumably in part because I don't do it too often — but I also don't like to ask, because I'm just not the kind of guy who unnecessarily talks too much to complete strangers. So, as for the sizes, if they're clearly written on the board, fair enough. But for the case, it's just not good enough that you ask whether you can help customers with it, because 1) that still doesn't necessarily tell them that they need to ask you to get a sandwich in there, and 2) because they just want to have their food without having to think too much.

Yes, people are illiterate idiots, and become unthinkably rude when someone isn't afraid to tell them as much. But from the description, it sounds like your place has failed to make the sandwich-getting process sufficiently easy and obvious to use.
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TMT
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: lost in space
 
2009-11-22, 04:49

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
So awhile ago I made a joke about making this thread. And now I've decided there's so much stupidity at work, I totally have to share the idiocy with people.
You are not alone.

http://notalwaysright.com/

A lot of the stories take place in coffee shops....
  quote
joveblue
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Melbourne
 
2009-11-22, 05:16

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
*Customer gives me disgusted look*
Customer: Don't you have medium?
That happened to me at KFC last night when I asked for a fork to eat their new "molten cake" with. It didn't occur to me until later that there's nothing else on their menu that a fork would be of any use for...

P.S. The only coffee worth drinking is a latte without sugar.
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Brave Ulysses
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
 
2009-11-22, 09:42

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capella View Post
....
As annoying as those customers sound, I think you fail to realize how obnoxious and arrogant some coffee shops (sounds like yours is the type) and their staff can be. I've walked into many coffee shops in San Francisco where you people just take it waaaay too seriously. It's fucking coffee and espresso for fuck's sake. Being a barista is not some sort of internationally respected specialty that entitles a person to be a dick to everyone that doesn't know how many shots are in what or what some ridiculously named drink includes.

I drink mu fair share of coffee and lattes and I get confused going into these places half the time too. Doesn't help the fact that they always write all the crap on some small chalkboard somewhere behind the counter so you can't see it from waiting on line or above the counter so that if you are at the counter you can't see it unless you back up.


The other thing is, your business needs to realize they sell COFFEE.... and when a business's entire model is based on that, they need to realize that most people aren't going to read the damn menu. They are just going to come in and order as they do everywhere else... so adding a medium to your menu or preparing drinks/naming drinks similar to other places is within the customer's best interest. I know I for one always go in and order a medium. Now you can either explain every single time how you don't have medium, or you can go call Solo cups, and get some medium cups, enjoy the extra 40-50 cents you can charge over the small and be done with it.
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adamb
Formerly “adambrennan”
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Northern Ireland
 
2009-11-22, 10:09

I have plenty of 'working in a supermarket' stories but dont think my username offers the anonymity required to post a lot of them

As for coffee shops, they used to intimidate the hell out of me. So many choices, and I'm also not keen on what I viewed as being annoying by asking what everything was. A little research into it though has helped me overcome that fear.

As for the sizes thing; I think its a little weird to only have 2 sizes. I remember reading somewhere (maybe even Howard Shultz book about Starbucks) that if you have small, medium and large, people will generally go for the medium or large, so its perhaps an opportunity to introduce a more profitable medium size. Another word on sizes, it bugs the hell out of me when people ask for small/medium/large in Starbucks. Im not sure why it winds me up so much, but as far as Im concerned those sizes dont exist in there. To me its on the same level as going to Burger King and asking for a Big Mac. Its not on the menu.

Its good to see though that your managers dont take the ridiculous 'customer is always right' line which is clearly not true.
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AsLan^
Not a tame lion...
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Narnia
 
2009-11-22, 10:16

Quote:
Originally Posted by adambrennan View Post
Another word on sizes, it bugs the hell out of me when people ask for small/medium/large in Starbucks. Im not sure why it winds me up so much, but as far as Im concerned those sizes dont exist in there. To me its on the same level as going to Burger King and asking for a Big Mac. Its not on the menu.
Ha! I'm that guy, I always say medium or large at Starbucks. If they try and correct me I just say "whatever".

Actually it bugs me that Starbucks feels the need to put their coffee sizes in Italian. Is their coffee even Italian coffee? It doesn't taste anything like the Italian coffee I used to drink in Australia (there's lots of Italian coffee in Australia).
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Robo
Formerly Roboman, still
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2009-11-22, 12:31

"Tall" and "Short" aren't Italian.

Though my favorite coffee shop ever was proud of their down-to-Earth attitude -- they had a hand-painted sign that read "We call a spade a spade and a small a small.". (Like Starbucks, their "small" correlated to a 12oz "tall," despite the presence of an 8oz "short" nobody knows about). Sadly, that places closed, a while back...

I agree that maybe Capella should mention the "popular demand" for a third size, which could be more profitable. But at the same time, I'm not sure Capella has the authority to, um, *introduce a new product line,* nor do I see the need to take out all my apparent gripes with the latté-sipping élite on her. But hey. That's what Ignore lists are for

and i guess i've known it all along / the truth is, you have to be soft to be strong
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PB PM
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2009-11-22, 12:47

Starbucks is one of those places that I limit myself from going, more than once a week. I remember the cup size thing confusing me the first few times I went, so I don't get miffed when people don't get it. I just avoid the subject by grabbing a Jones Soda 90% of the time.
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Satchmo
can't read sarcasm.
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Toronto, Canada
 
2009-11-22, 13:21

The confusion starts when places that use the term 'regular' as their medium size.
So if you want a medium size with one cream/milk and one sugar, do you say, "I want a regular, regular? "
Sounds a bit rude, even though you don't mean it.
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Mugge
Thunderbolt, fuck yeah!
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Denmark
 
2009-11-22, 14:33

That's the fine thing about pubs where a pint is a pint.


Last edited by Mugge : 2009-11-22 at 15:12.
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Chinney
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Ottawa, ON
 
2009-11-22, 15:08

I am alarmed by the degree of rudeness in some of those stories. Not surprised, mind you, because I am aware that politeness is on the decline generally in our society. It's still not all that bad around here (I've never witnessed or heard about anything that is like what you describe), but not too great either, and, in my opinion, on the decline.

I do think, though, that your coffee shop should incorporate a medium size. That's no excuse for rudeness on the part of customers...but it might justifiably make them think twice about coming back if you don't offer a size that corresponds with the amount they usually drink.

When there's an eel in the lake that's as long as a snake that's a moray.
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Kickaha
Likes his boobies blue.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hell
 
2009-11-22, 15:08

This is why I order by ounces. "8 oz. double latte".

And then of course I get the barista has no idea how big their cups actually *are*... (The best one was when I ordered an '8oz double latte', and they tried to ring me up for a 16oz latte....)

Or the ones that get annoyed when I ask how many shots are standard in their 16oz latte. Just because some shops use one, and some use two, and one (god bless 'em) uses three... I like to know, ya know?

But yes, seeing other customers' behavior in most coffee shops, I can completely understand why (good) baristas go a bit nuts.

My other brain is hung like a horse too.
#IRC isn't old school.
Old school is being able to say 'finger me' with a straight face.
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bassplayinMacFiend
Banging the Bottom End
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
 
2009-11-22, 15:26

Quote:
Originally Posted by AsLan^ View Post
Ha! I'm that guy, I always say medium or large at Starbucks. If they try and correct me I just say "whatever".

Actually it bugs me that Starbucks feels the need to put their coffee sizes in Italian. Is their coffee even Italian coffee? It doesn't taste anything like the Italian coffee I used to drink in Australia (there's lots of Italian coffee in Australia).
I'm that guy as well. I'm not pretentious enough to order coffee in Italian in the USA, especially when I consider every place I bought coffee at in Italy only offered it in one size. If the sizes were in Seattle Grunge terminology (depressed, OCD, Heroin Addict OD) then I'd definitely use that instead of the universally understood Small, Medium and Large.
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billybobsky
BANNED
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Join Date: May 2004
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2009-11-22, 15:26

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mugge View Post
That's the fine thing about pubs where a pint is a pint.

except in the states where it is less than a pint...
  quote
Mugge
Thunderbolt, fuck yeah!
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Denmark
 
2009-11-22, 15:58

Quote:
Originally Posted by billybobsky View Post
except in the states where it is less than a pint...
Well, thats just because it's an American pint. Which is odd, considering that everything is supposed to be bigger in America.
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Bryson
Rocket Surgeon
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Whitby
 
2009-11-22, 16:42

Required watching:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkpDE...layer_embedded


(It's about the only good part of that movie, but still.)
  quote
Bryson
Rocket Surgeon
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Whitby
 
2009-11-22, 16:46

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mugge View Post
That's the fine thing about pubs where a pint is a pint.

Or is it? Is a pint 20oz, or 16oz, or 14oz? Because I've had all three served to me as a "pint" in Canada. Crazy people. You can quite literally go to jail in the UK for serving short measures...

Apparently a real pint is technically illegal in BC! It gets worse:

http://lovegoodbeer.com/2009/08/a-br...olumbian-pint/
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AsLan^
Not a tame lion...
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Narnia
 
2009-11-22, 16:56

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryson View Post
Required watching:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkpDE...layer_embedded


(It's about the only good part of that movie, but still.)
Never seen that, good one!
  quote
PB PM
Sneaky Punk
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Send a message via Skype™ to PB PM 
2009-11-22, 17:05

I think that is the best scene in the whole movie.
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joveblue
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Melbourne
 
2009-11-22, 18:32

Lots of coffee shops only have 2 sizes. Usually the large would be about the same size as the medium in other shops. So "the popular demand" for a medium size is probably imaginary, unless a lot of people are asking for a bigger (jumbo) size, which is really more coffee than anyone should be drinking in one hit.
  quote
adamb
Formerly “adambrennan”
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Northern Ireland
 
2009-11-22, 20:20

Yea I apologise, I'm not sure why the size thing bugs me as much as it does.

To their credit the baristas here seem to just flow with the go and translate the sizes without starting an argument. I just know that if I worked there I would be found curled up in a ball murmuring "small is tall, medium is grande, large is venti" over and over. I'm just weird like that.

As for the size thing, its psychological, when offered 3 options, small medium and large, the medium and large are more popular. It's nothing to do with the physical size of the coffee. That's my recollection anyway, I'll try and find something to back it up.
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Chinney
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Ottawa, ON
 
2009-11-22, 20:57

Quote:
Originally Posted by joveblue View Post
Lots of coffee shops only have 2 sizes. Usually the large would be about the same size as the medium in other shops. So "the popular demand" for a medium size is probably imaginary, unless a lot of people are asking for a bigger (jumbo) size, which is really more coffee than anyone should be drinking in one hit.
Maybe it's a psychological artifact, but many people will still want the "medium". I think that Capella's chain is being a bit hard on her by putting her out there without being able to offer a medium. Guaranteed to generate complaints, which she has got to field.

Also, quite aside from the psychological effect, having just two sizes does mean that there is less of a chance that one of those sizes will correspond with the exact size the customer wants.

When there's an eel in the lake that's as long as a snake that's a moray.
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Banana
is the next Chiquita
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
 
2009-11-22, 22:24

Hypothetical: Suppose they re-brand either small or large as "medium". Would people notice?
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