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"Jack, you are such an ASSHOLE!"


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"Jack, you are such an ASSHOLE!"
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LoCash
Rest In Peace
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2005-04-01, 17:19

God Dammit Jack, you are such an ASSHOLE!!!

Yes, that phrase has been shouted throughout my office and through various phones several times throughout today. April Fools Day at my office just wouldn't be right without it.

The day started with someone from our NOC downtown calling up the on call engineers saying a bunch of red lights were flashing on the servers and routers. The firewall here and also prevented our engineers at the office north of the NOC to not be able to connect to the servers. After ten minutes of panic, the guy at the NOC says, "Wait... they... they seem to be spelling out something. It looks like... yes, 'APRIL FOOLS'!"

Next came my pranks, which got off to a slow start. First I went into my Boss's laptop and changed the Word AutoCorrect feature. Now whenever she types: the Word will AutoCorrect it to be is. She hasn't noticed yet.

I also swapped the "M" and "N" keys on her keyboard. She hasn't noticed this either.

I also adhered a piece of scotch tape to the microphone of her phone. First phone call she gets goes like this...

Zucco: [My Boss] Hello, Vince?
Vince: Um, you sound weird... it's hard to hear you.
Zucco: Uh oh, maybe it's your phone. Can I try calling you back?
Vince: Ok.

click...

Zucco: Is this any better?
Vince: No, it still sounds muffled and hard to hear...
Zucco: Maybe you need to use a Q-Tip on your ears more regularly...

She even answer a call waiting call and spoke a few more minutes until it was obviously a problem, and then looked at the phone mouthpiece, at which point she asked Vince to hold on and screamed, "MY GOD JACK, YOU ARE SUCH A LITTLE ASSHOLE!"

People usually stay away from our office, which is kind of cool.

Now, earlier in the day I had emptied out the three hole punch machines' white paper circles into a cup. I then proceeded to her car, a not so new Red Infiniti G20. [Attachment 1 Below] I also tossed in a picture of my car because it's so sexy! [Attachment 2 Below]

She never locks her car, so this was an easy process. I funnelled all of the punch outs into her vents, arced them upwards and turned her AC on full blast. I had almost forgotten about it until she walked out the door a few minutes after saying she was going to the bank and that she would be right back. Then I remembered, so I got the camera ready for her return to flip me off.

Caught of guard though! I heard my phone ringing, so I ran back to get it and managed to record a bit of the conversation. [Attachment 6 Below]. The second .amr file in the ZIP archive is the best, right at the end.

You can see some remaining paper in her hair in Attachment 3 below, and in Attachment 4 is an interior shot of her car. Too bad my prank actually made her car look nicer.

Here is her reaction [Attachment 5 Below]. It may be hard to tell, but he desk chair is actually as low as it can go. That's because while she was at the bank I took the lever that control the height and zip tied it to the chair. As soon as she got back to the office and sits down she lets out a loud yelp, and I knew that today had truly been a good day.

I also zip tied the end of the phone cord at the receiver so that it won't extend when picked up, but she hasn't used anything but speakerphone since the earlier phone prank.

Well, there's always Monday...
Attached Images
File Type: jpg IMG_0264.jpg (183.0 KB, 256 views)
File Type: jpg IMG_0266.jpg (192.6 KB, 259 views)
File Type: jpg IMG_0263.jpg (160.1 KB, 251 views)
File Type: jpg IMG_0265.jpg (182.3 KB, 254 views)
File Type: jpg IMG_0262.jpg (104.5 KB, 263 views)
Attached Files
File Type: zip BossCarPrank.zip (100.5 KB, 49 views)

It is with great regret that we say our farewells to Jack, who passed away on May 28th, 2005. Jack, you will be missed by all

Superior thinking has always overwhelmed superior force. - Marine Corps Officers

"You don't lead by hitting people over the head-that's assault, not leadership." - General Eisenhower
  quote
Kickaha
Likes his boobies blue.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hell
 
2005-04-01, 17:22



Hail to the King, baby.
  quote
groverat
Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Houston, Texas
 
2005-04-01, 17:26

Your car is hot shit.

Your boss looks like one of those weird Seventh Day Adventists who can't cut their hair or wear anything but plain, floor-length dresses.

That hole punchings in the vent is bad-ass. Good work.
  quote
murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2005-04-01, 17:37

Nice work, my man. Very cool car too.
  quote
curiousuburb
Antimatter Man
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: that interweb thing
 
2005-04-01, 17:39

What the hell is Misogynist Thursday? Is it only a March thing or a weekly fest?
  quote
LoCash
Rest In Peace
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2005-04-01, 17:40

UPDATE * UPDATE * UPDATE * UPDATE

I'm in the bathroom when I hear (Yes, she yells that loud, but it's a small office too), "JACK, YOU FUCKING LITTLE PRICK! YOU SWAPPED THE KEYS ON MY KEYBOARD!"

I started laughing so hard I wasn't able to aim straight. So I washed my hands and traipsed back in. "Did you say something, Zucco?"

"You swapped the keys on my keyboard, look!"

Now she has a laptop with a LogiTech Bluetooth keyboard. So I look at the laptop and say, "Jeez, how would you even take those off?"

She taps her fingers on the desk and says, "It's the external keyboard, and you know it you little shit."

I reply, "Well, I don't see the problem. All the keys are there, standard QWERTY layout...". She says, "You swapped the 'M" and the 'N' keys, bastard."

"Well, 'M' does come before 'N' in the alphabet, looks right to me...."

She typed something for me to prove it and demanded I fix it. So I take her keyboard back to my desk with a pair of plyers and start typing shit. It was still within Bluetooth range, so it took her a minute. Since it's one of those Logitech keyboards it had a bunch of buttons for special functions I started hitting, and apps started launch. She was like, "JUST PUT THE KEYS BACK ALREADY!"

Oh man, I'm laughing so hard today...

It is with great regret that we say our farewells to Jack, who passed away on May 28th, 2005. Jack, you will be missed by all

Superior thinking has always overwhelmed superior force. - Marine Corps Officers

"You don't lead by hitting people over the head-that's assault, not leadership." - General Eisenhower
  quote
Kickaha
Likes his boobies blue.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hell
 
2005-04-01, 17:41

You know, I'd totally forgotten about this, but one time in high school, we had this one solitary Cambodian family in town. (They may have been the only Asians in the entire county for all I know.) Nareth was a really nice guy, and one day we asked him if we could have some of the dried spiced cuttlefish that he liked for lunch. He said sure.

We then soaked said cuttlefish in water, to soften it a bit (and get it prepped), and shoved it down the heater vents in this one asshole's car. Mid winter, it froze solid.

Until he turned on the heater, when it made the most noxious stench. Got even worse over the next few days as it slowly rotted. I don't think he ever figured out what the hell went wrong with his car.

My other brain is hung like a horse too.
#IRC isn't old school.
Old school is being able to say 'finger me' with a straight face.
  quote
FFL
Fishhead Family Reunited
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Slightly Off Center
 
2005-04-01, 17:44

Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousuburb
What the hell is Misogynist Thursday? Is it only a March thing or a weekly fest?
Or just a sign that Jack's boss knows him really, really well?
  quote
LoCash
Rest In Peace
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2005-04-01, 17:55

Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousuburb
What the hell is Misogynist Thursday? Is it only a March thing or a weekly fest?

Misogynist Thursday is celebrated weekly at the office here. It's based after a MacHall web comic strip. The strip, when their server is up, can be found here: http://www.machall.com/index.php?strip_id=180

And by "we" celebrate it, I really mean *I* celebrate it. My boss usually just tells me I'm an asshole, and I tell her women have some dirty mouths and need to learn when to shut up. It's great. :smokey:

It is with great regret that we say our farewells to Jack, who passed away on May 28th, 2005. Jack, you will be missed by all

Superior thinking has always overwhelmed superior force. - Marine Corps Officers

"You don't lead by hitting people over the head-that's assault, not leadership." - General Eisenhower
  quote
holbox
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Florida
 
2005-04-01, 19:30

Sorry to say it, but she seems to be right ........
  quote
LoCash
Rest In Peace
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2005-04-01, 19:46

Quote:
Originally Posted by holbox
Sorry to say it, but she seems to be right ........
I know I'm an asshole
  quote
Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2005-04-01, 20:25

Yah but you've got a wicked sense of humor, and that's all that counts. Assholes with no sense of humor are a different species all together.

Kick: pure evil, but also funny assuming the guy was a d-bag. If one of my friends did that to me as a prank though, there would be blood.

...into the light of a dark black night.
  quote
elvia
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: New Orleans La.
 
2005-04-01, 23:16

You must get along really well with your boss, thats all I have to say
  quote
murbot
Mammogram Tech
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Canada
 
2005-04-01, 23:32

Jack, you're fucking your boss, aren't you.

AREN'T YOU.

Or at least she wants you to be. Would it get you a raise?

  quote
iBrowse
Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Portland, OR
 
2005-04-02, 02:15

I needed to hear something like this to save my April's Fools Day, all that happened for me was that my room mate cut the brissles off of my toothbrush. That asshole. But my household is also in the middle of a prank war ever since we hid a bunch of alarm clocks in his room all set to go off at 4 AM. But that bastard will get his, I have a small cup of anchovies sitting on the windowsill right outside of my window, waiting to go under the front seat of his truck once they get ripe. Not to mention the bouquet of flowers that are being sent to his office with a love-letter style card signed with some random male name next week, it'll be great because his boss is his ex-girlfriend's father.
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Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2005-04-02, 09:22

Well as long as it is a prolonged prank war and not just for one day, these are all within the bounds of righteous prankedness IMHO. Let us know the results.

...into the light of a dark black night.
  quote
LoCash
Rest In Peace
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
 
2005-04-02, 10:17

I already got a raise six weeks ago.
  quote
Moogs
Hates the Infotainment
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: NSA Archives
 
2005-04-02, 12:53

Uh huh. I think Murbot is right... six weeks ago... that's about the time when it starts warming up a bit in Atlanta. Boss lady gets Spring Fever, Jack is nearby... mmm hm. Yep. Playa.


...into the light of a dark black night.
  quote
Kickaha
Likes his boobies blue.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hell
 
2005-04-02, 13:18

Lo, you got a raise when she got a rise?

Sounds like a nice case of tit for... tat?
  quote
Windswept
On Pacific time
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Moderator's Pub
 
2005-04-02, 16:56

Quote:
Originally Posted by murbot
Jack, you're fucking your boss, aren't you.

AREN'T YOU.

Or at least she wants you to be. Would it get you a raise?

Yeah, that's exactly what *I* thought when I read all that.

She wants him - BADLY!!!!!

Calling him an asshole the way 'she' does it is like saying, "Come jump my bones, Jack!"

Just my opinion.
  quote
WBG4
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Luis Obispo, CA CPSU
Send a message via ICQ to WBG4 Send a message via AIM to WBG4  
2005-04-02, 17:28

I need more pictures of your car plzthx
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